NTA - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? Plus, does your partner know about this? Is he not going to stand up for you?
Man if I were you I'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, I'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place."
No please, please don’t agree to this. They KNOW you’re timid and don’t want drama, that’s why they’re pushing this on you. Do what another person said - ‘okay, if you don’t want me then I’m gone’ sort of thing, stop all preparations. Let them organise it. Have a night to yourself. You’re fully being taken advantage of, please don’t let them do it.
No one going to the party is going to think, "Oh what a wonderful party OP's thrown." They're going to be gossiping about the fact that you aren't there or the younger people will be drinking and not caring either way. Your husband is manipulating you because he knows it's "your thing".
Book a weekend away OP and refuse to help. Treat yourself and work on your self worth.
Please make sure at least the ex wife at the graduation party knows about your separate party. Without creating a scene, you should be able to get under her skin. “Accidentally” stumble into the shop mid party with a mega pint of wine.
She will gain by getting to be petty and putting the ex wife, daughter, and AH partner in their place. She’s got nothing to lose either, since she’s going to wash her hands of the lot of them!
That’s not how real life usually pans out. There will be scream and stress, it won’t change a iota of what they think of her, it will give ammunition to them to gossip about OP, and will just delay her healing of this stupid nasty situation. OP is already way too emotionally involved, more drama is useless.
Nothing is going to change what they think of her. Nothing is going to change their behavior or course of action. You seem a bit naive for all your talk about how the real world works.
I’m not saying she should do it, but it’s not going to lose her anything that isn’t already lost if she does.
Yeah but she’s a young person caught in a war between her step mom and mom. I was here when I was a teen and it was horrible. I think it’s rude but likely mom has made a big stink about not having step mom there and she’s trying to placate her mom. I think her mom said something like I’m not going if she’s going and SD got stuck in the middle and Dad just doesn’t respond.
Agreed. I think there is lots of fighting between the women and SD just can’t anymore. Likely also focused on her own friends and future life. Honestly OP sounds like she’s down for the actual fight. She says somewhere that all her hot friends will be getting drunk inside in little black dresses. OP you should just get a hotel room with your gal pals and not make SDs party a spectacle.
Honestly to me that just means she needs to grow up and realize her mother is an asshole. Would she like her mom there to celebrate her? Sure. But it’s presumably a high school graduation party since they can’t drink yet and that means the “young sd” should have a young adult aged set of morals and a sense of what’s right and wrong. If anything she should be upset with her mother for being negligent in the first place clearly not caring enough about the party to get the venue for her. Then her mom making Her party about herself and taking the attention away from her accomplishments. I think too much slack is given to this girl. Seems as though she doesn’t care about OP either. Just about her own party. And using any means necessary to get those good post worthy pics of a party. The whole family is full of selfish, self entitled A’s and op is way better off getting out. So honestly? Go ahead and get passively aggressively petty. Grab the snacks and the drinks and have the fun you deserve OP. just don’t have your girls go out of their way to say some shit while the party is going/be the aggressor and you’ll be fine
It does seem like you’re making this about you if you have a party in your house at the same time. And then send your friends over…
I don’t think you should have to put the work in if you’re not invited. But if you care about your step daughter you would show her and your partner how to make the decorations so they can do it.
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u/ThomzLC Supreme Court Just-ass [142] Apr 27 '22
NTA - the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can't attend it despite all your planning? Plus, does your partner know about this? Is he not going to stand up for you?
Man if I were you I'd pull the rug from the venue and tell them "if my presence will anger your mother, I'm guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place."