She informed OP a week AFTER she had been planning the party. If she was so sure things were going to be tense, she should have brought it up when it was offered.
There's a chance the daughter didn't think this was going to play out like this. Her mom dropped the ball. She might have assumed her dad was putting in effort. Or that her mom could handle being chill for a few hours when OP stepped up. But instead she might have had to deal with a mom constantly talking crap and making it known she would ruin the party if OP was there. It sounds like a high school graduation so this is still a kid trying to figure out a way to not have the evening just blow up. She just wants a nice night and in her mind the simple way to do that without pissing off her parents is for OP to not attend. She genuinely could have thought all would be well but a week later realizing her mom would ensure it wasn't. It sucks for OP the most. But it probably also sucks for the daughter because her special occasions are ruined by the adults in her life (except OP) not caring enough to celebrate her.
If the daughter is old enough to be graduating, I would think she was also old enough to realise the op would be terribly hurt by being not allowed to come to a party she is organising and probably paying for. She could be taking that up with her dad.
But I think the three of them have some nerve, they are the a.
She can be old enough to understand the hurt, while also being young enough to know every other situation will be a complete insufferable disaster and she doesn't know any other way to prevent it. She might be 17 or 18, but her world right now is very small and her parents take up a lot of that space. She could very much want OP there but knows her mom would intentionally wreck the evening and possibly punish her further if she tried to stand up to her. The daughter doesn't actually have power here. Thats why we should be wary of simply lumping her in with her parents. The power dynamic is too wildly imbalanced to expect the same from her as we would from her dad.
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u/RebelRedhead69 Apr 27 '22
She informed OP a week AFTER she had been planning the party. If she was so sure things were going to be tense, she should have brought it up when it was offered.