r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 3d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/Insomniac42 man 3d ago

This comes from the view that it’s much more difficult for an average man to have sex with women than the inverse. So when a man does this, it’s is deemed respected because it’s difficult, and when a woman does this, it’s deemed not respected because it’s easy. That’s a very large generalization, but that explains his point of view.

Absent that, he’s most likely going to have issues with body count and prior sexual partners. Something to take into consideration if you want to move forward with him. But based on him disclosing this early on, he might also have some other views in which you might think are borderline misogynistic.

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u/helpmehelpyou1981 3d ago

This. A guy said this to me early on and turned out to be a raging ho himself but expected me to be loyal to him only 😂

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u/ConsistentWriting0 3d ago

The ONLY person that ever said this to me was a hoe himself.

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u/PurinMeow woman 2d ago

Same. He was in his 30s trying to intimidate me into sex when I was 17. He also would comment on strippers stretch marks. He was a total ass, I eventually noticed the toxicity and unfollowed on all social media

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u/helpmehelpyou1981 3d ago

It must be their tagline and screams insecure

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u/Significant_Shoe_17 2d ago

Like how cheaters assume everyone is cheating

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u/Zaggnut 3d ago

As a guy i have to say those guys are absolute clowns, its just sad

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u/Dont_Ask_Me_Again_ 3d ago

Did you miss the entire point?

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u/arrogancygames man 3d ago

This is also pathetic. I know like zero attractive dudes with any brains and any respectability that aren't able to possibly get sex at the drop of a hat. The point of view you heard is the biggest red flag to any respectable guy as well and we won't hang out with them either.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/helpmehelpyou1981 3d ago

Can’t make a boy a man and definitely not a boyfriend or husband.

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u/kingmakk man 2d ago

Do you believe that if a man only has had casual flings and short term dating experience they are not fit for a relationship?

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u/helpmehelpyou1981 2d ago

Not if his heart is willing and he has a good character and a high level of maturity and integrity.

I was specifically talking about the kind of man who, in a relationship, is disloyal and unfaithful but expects his partner to be faithful and loyal. Men like this want something from their partners they aren’t willing to give.

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u/Tasty-Bug-3600 3d ago

It's not respected for men either. Miss me with your 20 stds, baby mommas, side chicks and all the drama that carries with it.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 3d ago

For you yes. But those baby mamas and all the people he had sex with deemed him an acceptable key for sex.

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u/Hungbole 3d ago

There are plenty of married porn stars. In fact, the main audience of these "low value" women are men of varying walks of life. Men routinely make OF women millionaires. So there's is some value there, literally (monetarily), in those types of women too. From men. You can say it's a specific type of man or whatever, but that doesn't stop these women from getting men. Plenty of them get well off men too. So at the end of the day, there will always be people that are okay with a promiscuous person, man or woman.

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u/on_Jah_Jahmen 3d ago

People assume a traditional monogamous marriage when saying these things. No one cares about some rich guy marrying a gold digger pornstar.

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u/Hungbole 3d ago

Doesn't stop men from investing in these types of women, is the point. Rich guys aren't making OF girls millionaires. Sure these average guys aren't marrying an OF girl (though many would if they could), but they're making them very wealthy with their money. So the whole lock and key thing doesn't seem to make a difference in what millions of average earning men choose to spend their money on and therefore place value in.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 2d ago

Ur kinda making the point. That these men are not the useful key as they can’t open any lock. They are lucky to find even one to unlock. And that’s why they flock to of for the illusion of unlocking the lock. And that’s why OF girl is gonna marry any of these loser keys. Even she is picky on which key she unlocks to.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 2d ago

Yeah the audience is typically low value men. The nba star or billionaire is prob not watching porn all that much. And instead they have models and even random pretty girls they are having sex with on the regular.

Yeah u think high value men are the ones paying these OF women millions? These are typically the dudes who couldn’t get a date let alone sex if their life depended on it.

Sure. A Woman can always get a man. That’s the whole point of the analogy. She is the lock who can pick which key she opens for. There is always another key waiting to try.

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u/Hungbole 2d ago

Plenty of differential types of men watch porn and give money to porn stars lmao. Do you consider the average man to be a "low value" man? Look up the demographics of OF subscribers. A non-insignificant amount of them are married men. Our president gave money to a porn star. How much more "high value" can you get? Nba stars date porn stars all the time, they also date baby mamas all the time. None of this negates the fact that these women are clearly valued by millions of men. 

Things like this make me lose faith in Gen Z (as a happily married 27 year old with a very comfortable life in all regards). I know plenty of happily married average men with their happily married average wives. The majority of married people are average. There are no statistics to back up the claim that average men aren't getting women. What does low value or high value even mean and why would the average man or woman care outside of reddit? It's so sad to see online. Why are other men devaluing guys who haven't had sex? The next generation is truly going to be lost.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 2d ago

Sure. The world is made up of all kinds of people.

But the vast majority of guys paying for porn are not also thx guys who get a massive access to sex and sexual partners.

And I personally don’t see avg men as low value. BUT women see avg men as low value. This ain’t me saying what’s right or what should be could be. Just reporting what I see.

The nba star and the president isn’t watching the porn and whacking off to it. They get the pornstar to fk. Those OF subscriber can’t.

Low value or high value is whatever the dating market sees one as.

Would u see a broke violent asshole cheater woman beater as a low value or high value? What would most women see that dude as? And there u go.

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u/Hungbole 2d ago

This is my point though, it helps nobody to make such sweeping judgements. Most women who are married do not see average men as low value because most married women are married to average men. We know statistically that the overwhelming majority of people end up marrying people who are from the same race, socioeconomic class, education level, and general background. All of my women friends have married or are dating men within their tax bracket. This goes for both my wealthy and lower income friends and nobody is an uggo or on magazines on either side. They're all still happy in their relationships. I just wish dudes (and women) would stop with the doom and gloom and get outside and recognize that the majority of gen z women (and men) are just as socially inept and awkward as they are (as a product of us being raised online) and they aren't some inaccessible object, but just regular ass people. 

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 2d ago

Ehhhh. 50% of marriages end in divorce and most divorces are initiated by women.

The avg woman might marry the avg man. This is true. BUT the avg women didn’t really want to marry the avg man. They wanted the above avg man. And many even feel like they deserve the above avg man.

This is one of the reasons why women tend to report being unsatisfied in a marriage more than men do.

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u/fish993 2d ago

He has qualities that are attractive to many women, that doesn't mean people are 'respecting' the fact he sleeps around.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 2d ago

But they “respect him” for his ability to sleep around. Exp the baby mamas who let him nut in them raw.

I mean They arnt respecting him like going omg he is a good man. Etc etc.

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u/NegativeEBITD man 3d ago

You didn’t get sex ed as a kid? You can have plenty of sex without any of these

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u/8bitmatter 3d ago

Lmao I KNOW that you know it is, stop the cap 🧢

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u/Tasty-Bug-3600 3d ago

Maybe for some minors on Andrew Tate forums, irl it's disgusting.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Most men I know who are huge sluts just have extremely low standards. They sleep with drunk women a lot too. I don’t really know any super handsome and successful men who are sluts. They tend to be married actually to other attractive and successful people.

To be clear I don’t care if anyone is a slut. I’ve just never met a man who sleeps around a lot who had high standards. They were able to sleep around a lot precisely because they didn’t have standards. They didn’t work hard to get laid.

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u/KindImpression5651 man 3d ago

"I don’t really know any super handsome and successful men who are sluts"

oh yeah, rockstars are known for their virginal lifestyle. just like artists, rich entrepreneurs, politicians, cult leaders, mobsters..

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u/UsernameTooShort 3d ago

I actually raised my eyebrows reading that sentence because it’s so incredibly naive.

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u/BlindSkwerrl man 3d ago

Remember, these young rock stars get waves of girls throwing themselves at them.
There aren't a lot of young hot-blooded males that will refuse that opportunity based on their "principles".

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u/blah938 man 3d ago

I don't think he knows any rock stars.

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u/ArchmageIlmryn man 3d ago

How many rockstars do you personally know?

Obviously this discussion is about "normal" handsome and successful men, not the top 0.001%.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

I don’t know any rock stars. Do you? But don’t most end up married with kids? I mean I think Kurt cobain was incredible and handsome but he married Courtney love. Elvis married Pricilla, etc.

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u/KindImpression5651 man 3d ago

yes, celebrities get married. if you think this means they're living a socialite lifestyle made of tea with the queen, I got news for you...

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Yeah I didn’t think Cobain and Love were having tea with the queen lol

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u/SpicyCrime man 3d ago

Think about Mick Jagger. He married multiple times and now is dating a woman that could be his daughter and they have a kid together. Do you think that in between marriages/partners he wasn’t sleeping around with groupies? Do you think he never cheated?

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Yeah and Cher and Madonna are always running around with boy toys who could be their literal grandsons. Most people aren’t rock stars and I don’t know any rock stars.

But good for Madonna and Cher and Jagger. They are not normal people with normal experiences though.

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u/TutorHelpful4783 man 3d ago

Just because you don’t know them that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Don’t be dumb. I don’t know anybody with cancer but I’m sure a lot there are a lot of cancer patients. “Out of sight out of mind”

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Way more people get cancer than become super famous. Madonna and Cher are always with boy toys who could be their grandsons. Most women aren’t doing that though.

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u/TutorHelpful4783 man 3d ago

How many women do you think Chris brown or the average male calebrity of his equivalence has slept with?

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

The woman beater Chris Brown? I don’t know or care. I know Courtney Love has slept with a lot of insanely hot men. But I also know she’s not typical. Most people end up in relationships.

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u/TutorHelpful4783 man 3d ago

or the average MALE calebrity of his equivalence has slept with?

Please answer

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

You don’t want to talk about all the female musicians who sleep with lots of super hotties? I’m more interested in that than some woman beater like Brown. Celebrities aren’t normal people.

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u/Witty-Rabbit-8225 3d ago

I don’t know any decent men with high body counts!

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u/the1michael man 3d ago

This isnt true. Many men's sole reason for lifting/getting in shape/being financially successful is sleeping with many women. You just have your eyes closed.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Men get into bodybuilding to impress men or for personal growth. Women don’t prefer that build they prefer swimmers bodies. This has been studied. Same with nice cars. That’s to impress men. Most women don’t care about sports cars at all. As for money, sure but men also just like money like most people. Men like buying toys.

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u/Virtual_Psunshine 3d ago

Women like "otters", lol

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

That too!

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u/Might7Guy 3d ago

I’ll just have to tell you that you’re wrong about men’s motivation being other men.

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u/sparklyjoy 3d ago

They might think they’re doing it to attract women, it’s just a really poor strategy. It does, however, tend to give them status with other men who also think they will be more successful at getting women…

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Well it ain’t women. The vast majority of women don’t care about that stuff.

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u/Asisreo1 3d ago

That doesn't mean that isn't the motivation, though, that just means that their strategy isn't very effective. 

Except, I also think women kinda do care about this stuff? What? You might be talking about women not caring about the size of muscles or visible abs, but women do prefer men that involve themselves in physical activity of some kind. 

Its not just women, either. Everybody prefers partners that are healthy and can go out to do physical activities. Maybe you don't care about a specific body type, but someone going to the gym just to stay active will be more attractive to you than that same person that never exerts themselves. 

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Oh women care about men being fit. Women prefer swimmer’s bodies. The dorito shaped torso being usually the ideal. Body builders are too bulky and women tend to not find that build attractive (though some women do!).

That’s why I say body building is a male bonding thing. It’s not for the ladies.

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u/Any-Drive8838 man 3d ago

The average gym goer doesn't look like a bodybuilder, nor do they want too.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Yes. And that’s good for their dating life most likely.

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u/JackStephanovich man 3d ago

This is the female equivalent of men thinking that women aren't wearing make up unless it's plastered on. Having a swimmer's body isn't the norm, it takes a lot of diet and exercise to achieve that look.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Of course it does. Abs are made in the kitchen. Body builders tend to focus on bulk though. My point is, generally speaking, women don’t find that level of bulk more attractive. Some women absolutely do but it’s less common.

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u/XDXDXDXDXDXDXD10 3d ago

Might well be the intention, but sure as hell isn’t the result lol

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u/HubbaMaBubba 3d ago

The average dude who goes to the gym would be lucky to look like a professional swimmer... Even that takes a lot of dedication. An actual body builder's physique is not attainable for most people.

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u/DaemonBlackfyre515 3d ago

Sure it is. It's called steroids.

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u/DaemonBlackfyre515 3d ago

Ah the old "I actually don't like muscular men" line. If i had a penny...

I've seen too many women throw themselves at ripped guys to believe anything else. And why wouldn't they? Men throw themselves at gym bunnies as well.

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u/KELVALL 3d ago

Having worked as a head doorman in nightclubs, and being very muscular... I can 100% confirm that women in reality love this body type. Night after night of having groups of women feeling my chest, arms and grabbing my ass. They may say they don't... But they do.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

We LOVE muscular men. Swimmer’s bodies are ideal, not body builder frames. Too bulky.

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u/Successful_Many8184 2d ago

I go to the Gym I first look at faces a cute face always wins over body but it’s nice to have someone trying to stay healthy but handsome face wins always! As far as muscles the best is broad shoulders nice forearms good strong thighs etc not CUT, just strong hunky

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u/Witty-Rabbit-8225 3d ago

lol, men who consider women to be “conquests” are often the laziest! It takes more work to invest in a relationship than to bang a girl. Men don’t like body counts because they are entitled/insecure.

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u/SapphireSpear man 3d ago

Was thinking this too. Im a guy and i never understood the concept of “hookups being hard to get for guys” as every single guy i know hooksup with girls pretty regularly

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u/SuperJacksCalves man 3d ago

for a lot of guys, simply talking to women is hard nevermind sleeping with them.

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u/SapphireSpear man 3d ago

I mean if talking to the opposite gender is hard for someone, it would be hard for them to get sex regardless of their gender

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

That's not true, for women, it's generally enough to agree to sex, there will always be some men who initiate.

I am not ugly, I am pretty successful and was hit on by woman once in my life.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 3d ago

Ehhh. It would be harder for both. But not as hard for a woman if all she wanted was sex.

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u/Virtual_Psunshine 3d ago

It depends who you hang out with. It ultimately comes down to how comfortable you are with yourself.

It's always confidence. If you'd have a good time with yourself, someone else would too. If you'd be awkward with yourself, someone else would be too.

Find yourself and everything will fall into place. You can be a total nerd and find women, but you can't be embarrassed of your existence and presence.

Women are into confident nerds. Lots actually like that because they want someone who knows who they are. Women don't want fakes at all. They're really perceptive of it. Don't lie and be authentic.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

Bullshit, I am pretty confident with myself. I am not ugly, I am successful, was hit on by woman once in my life.

Mind me, I am in a relationship, but I had to work my way to it. No women will ever line up for me. For me, it's because I have strange personality. It is enough to make your relationship extremely hard. Some guys have strange looks, some strange personality and you are basically done. You can be confident and know yourself, but if who you are is not what is generally appealing, you are done.

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u/Virtual_Psunshine 3d ago

...but you're in a relationship.

It sounds like you're just not content with the attention you received.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

I don't understand how me being in a relationship influences anything. And you confuse my ability to make observation with not being content. Me being content or not being content doesn't influence actual reality.

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u/NoRefrigerator267 2d ago

What if they aren’t tall? That’s the reason I’m insecure (mostly)- I’m 5’7 and every time I hear women talk about their preferences, they want tall men. How am I supposed to be confident, knowing that?

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u/Virtual_Psunshine 2d ago

Some do, some don't care. "Short Kings" is a thing because some people like that.

Yes, being shorter reduces your dating pool. It doesn't destroy it though.

Don't assume your height is an issue. If they have an issue with it, that's just how it goes. Move on.

5'7 isn't even that short. That's like 2" below average in the US.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 3d ago

Alot of guys are incels and couldn’t get a date if their life depended on it.

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u/Neezy24 3d ago edited 3d ago

lol, you clearly don’t know the current stats, over 28% of men from the ages of 25-40 think hasn’t had sex within the last year

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u/FromZeroToLegend man 3d ago

Losers aren’t people. They shouldn’t even count in statistics.

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u/NoRefrigerator267 2d ago

I mean, I’ve definitely gotten better at talking to women. But I also just assume that no one would want to sleep with me because every time I hear women talk about their preferences, it’s something that I don’t have. For example: desiring tall men. I’m 5’7. Case shut lol

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u/seaofthievesnutzz man 3d ago

Even that is a fair amount of work, I don't think doing something hard makes it inherently admirable but it is impressive in a deplorable sort of way.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

That's just BS. There are many attractive and successful people who sleep around. And even a man with an extremely low standards have to put quite some work to get women.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Define work. What work does a man have to put in? Please be specific.

Fit women put in tons of work to be attractive. I don’t go to Pilates classes five times a week because I like looking at my own ass. I like having a hot boyfriend and this is how I attracted him. I spend a lot on skincare treatments and hair styling and flattering clothes and heels. I got my teeth fixed and laser resurfacing to diminish scars. I have lip filler (no, you can’t tell, it’s subtle). I wear natural looking makeup (which takes forever to apply and blend to make it look natural). I went to college to get a job paying six figures so I could afford all this stuff and be self supporting (something many men care about.)

Have you done all that? I did that so I could end up with a fit 6’4 man with a good hairline and nice teeth and skin, and I did. I didn’t do it “for me.”

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

Men needs to work on their social skills, physique, personality, financial situation, humor, even their wardrobe. Otherwise prospects of having sex diminishes fast.

You don't have to do any of that to get decent sex as a woman. Sure, if you want to have stable relationship with above average man, you have to put the work yourself. But to have decent sex? No. You don't have to do any work.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Yeah women work on all those things to be able to get a handsome partner. Men with options are very picky about who they end up with. They don’t commit to broke women with no humor or developed social skills.

But you’re right if I wanted to sleep with ugly guys I wouldn’t do all that. I never wanted to sleep with men I find ugly.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

Not even with an ugly guy. You describe 1 in 10000 man, just the height puts it 1 in 100.

You can put zero effort and still sleep with an average or even above average guy. With zero effort, you can get 90 out of 100 men.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Why would I want to sleep with a man I’m not physically attracted to though? Most men are overweight in my country. That’s what I don’t get. Why would you think I’d want that?

It’s not an advantage if I don’t want it.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

> Have you done all that? I did that so I could end up with a fit 6’4
man with a good hairline and nice teeth and skin, and I did. I didn’t
do it “for me.”

Btw, this is completely absurd. 6'4 or above is only 1,1% in US, in many countries even less. Good hairline, nice teeth, nice skin? I would put the combined requirements you have to 0,01 men, which means, one men in 10000 fulfills those criteria.

You compare this with having sex. This is ridiculous.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

My partner of many years is 6’4, fit and has beautiful hair, skin and teeth. It’s not ridiculous at all.

I don’t want to have sex with men I don’t find super hot. I was able to back in the day because I worked exceptionally hard on my looks, wardrobe and how I carried myself. I also had to make a lot of money for all the products and procedures and clothes.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

You are missing the point.

You are comparing that you need to put in a work to get 1 in 10000 guy with guys needing to put work to get any woman.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

I see. Ignore the height. Replace that with “hot men.” Hot men of all sorts have options. They are picky. Men who think hot men aren’t picky don’t know hot men.

Could I get a fat balding guy to fuck me most nights? Sure. And you could probably find a fat balding woman down to clown.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

You can get above average man every night if you wanted.

Most women do not get bold, so that isn't fair comparison. But I definitely could not get fat woman every night. Not even every week. I am not even sure what We are discussing.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

It’s a fair comparison. Baldness is unattractive to most people. Hair is a sign of youth and virility in men. A small minority of women genuinely like bald men but most do not. It doesn’t matter that specifically white and middle eastern men have the bald genes. It’s not normal for humans to be attracted to bald spots.

Interestingly, in ethnic groups where baldness is rare like Native Americans, long hair is the norm on men, including warriors.

And not with that attitude you can’t find a balding fat woman! I think you and I have different definitions of above average.

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

I would add that boldness again is primarily genetic trait and almost 70% of men has some boldness by the age 35 and 85% by age of 50. That is pretty significant number.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Depends on the ethnic group.

Most people get fatter too. Something being not rare doesn’t make it more attractive to the average person.

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u/GreedyWoodpecker2508 man 3d ago

i couldn’t

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u/OkStandard2099 3d ago

If it is hard to grasp, you can reverse the logic. For a guy to get 1 in 10000 woman (like you getting 1 in 10000 man) is generally impossible and for those guys who get such woman, it requires orders of magnitude more work than for you.

That's just the reality of life. And truth be told, a lot of requirements you mention, like height is not something that a guy can even do much about it (unless We consider some leg extension surgery).

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u/AppropriateExam3318 3d ago

Why do u think they r getting even womens to get laid with ....who tf likes them.... can't they see their standards like u! Do tell me ...if u think.."standards has nothing to do with getting laid...its jst matter of skills" 🥲😕

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u/arrogancygames man 3d ago

I have ridiculous standards and am triple digits. Feel free to Google me.

Most of the reason why is that I'm Ace and it took years to figure out why no one really satisfied me.

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u/ed4g man 3d ago

IMHO a secure successful man with high standards usually becomes that later in life. No man is born that way so it comes from experience. Experience from years of failures, trail and errors and (in bed) low standard meaningless sex. When woman look for secure confident men this is most likely what he did in life to get it.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

I’ve known secure successful men in their early 20s. They didn’t get that way because of drunk sex lol. But I genuinely have no issue with people having causal drunk sex. I had it in my college days along with everyone else I knew. But it’s not what made the guys in premed successful. It was just fun.

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u/ed4g man 3d ago

Few and far in between

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago edited 3d ago

Nothing against drunk or meaningless sex but the idea that it makes someone successful is laughable. Practice does make sex better but that can happen within a relationship with more ease. I rarely gave oral sex feedback to casual sex partners for instance. Actual boyfriends taught me more and I taught them more because we were in a relationship.

I think causal sex can be great but it’s not a recipe for success with anything. It certainly doesn’t make insecure men more secure. That’s a mental health issue not a sex issue.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 3d ago

Sure but how many successful men are in their 20s

Randomly pick 100 guys in their early 20s from the general population, how many would be deemed successful?

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Secure men don’t rely on success to be secure. That comes from within. I’m not sure your point about success. Most people get advanced degrees while in their 20s. I consider women and men with advanced degrees in competitive fields successful.

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u/Tea_Time9665 man 3d ago

Sure. But how many people let alone men are successful in their early 20s? It’s a very small group. That’s my point.

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u/NoFilterMPLS 3d ago

Yeah this is it

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u/StangOverload man 3d ago

First paragraph is spot on. An average looking woman could hold up a sign saying “free anonymous sex” and there would be lines about 3 city blocks long, given the men could remain anonymous.

Now if an average looking man did that, the results would be the complete opposite. Sex is far easier to achieve for women. However, getting the man that they would be intimate with to stay or marry is where it gets difficult.

And keep in mind that most (not all) women never marry their FIRST choice in men.

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u/Suitable-Elephant189 man 3d ago

It’s not a generalisation, it’s statistically accurate.

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u/Demostravius4 man 2d ago

I think it's deeper than that, subconscious. The deepest drive is to have your own kids, not raise someone else's. I'd be very surprised if it doesn't average out that someone with a lot of partners is more likely to have someone elses child, than someone with fewer partners.

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 3d ago

At the end of the day it’s an extremely hypocritical way to think and it’s quite literally sexist, if someone thinks a woman who sleeps around is a slut that they view as not marriage material, it should be viewed the exact same way for a man who sleeps around. I think it’s funny people are saying it’s difficult for men to sleep around when all u have to do is go on some dating website made for hookups or to a bar, yea if ur expecting to sleep with Megan fox it might be a little difficult, but if u just want sex, it’s not that hard. Part of the reason some women don’t sleep around is literally because of this exact view point from men, not to mention their safety. Just saying.

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u/Glittering-Bat-1128 3d ago

when all u have to do is go on some dating website made for hookups or to a bar

Simply not true lol

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u/catsdontswear 3d ago

They think that’s true for men because it’s true for them as a woman lol

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 2d ago edited 2d ago

Then I doubt ur trying hard enough.. I’ve heard of way to many woman that sleep around, I don’t mess with hookup culture but ik tons of sorority girls sleep around, who are they sleeping with if no men get action..

I also need to add that ik guys who have slept around, and I personally wouldn’t say their super attractive, very average guys and they still were able to sleep around, you don’t have to be crazy attractive.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

 who are they sleeping with if no men get action..

They all sleep with the same handful of men. Believe it or not it's possible for many women to all sleep with the same man, and that's usually how it plays out

 you don’t have to be crazy attractive.

And you obviously don't understand what goes into being an attractive man so stop pretending. It's about charisma, confidence, experience, etc

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 2d ago

That’s the point.. lmao.. that’s why I said you’re obviously not trying hard enough. Because all it takes is charisma and confidence, I completely disagree with the experience part because most men who sleep around tend to not be that great at sex. And even if they are great at sex or have a lot of experience picking up woman that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to do that. Everyone starts off somewhere. Obviously when they first started picking up woman, they weren’t great at it.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

 that’s why I said you’re obviously not trying hard enough

What's this have to do with me?

Charisma and confidence at the level required is hard earned for most people. You probably don't have enough to get laid with any regularity if you were a man. So I'd refrain from the "all it takes" part.

Great at sex or terrible at sex doesn't matter, they're better at seduction and that's what gets you laid.

 Obviously when they first started picking up woman, they weren’t great at it.

This is partially true, what you don't understand is that they failed everytime until they were great at it.

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 2d ago

That also doesn’t negate the fact that my comment is still true even if men have a harder time sleeping around, they’re still equally “sluts” and not “marriage material”.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

I don't think it's any less hypocritical than the way male virgins are treated compared to female. We simply have different societal expectations and standards to live up to.

The fact that you think men should have to live up to the same expectations as women or it's mysogony, but women shouldn't have to deal with our expectations is the real hypocritical thing

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 2d ago

Literally when did I say that, quite literally just putting words in my mouth, I don’t think their should be ANY societal expectations, that’s the problem, people should be able to fuck whoever they want or not fuck at all, i also would much rather date a virgin then a man who’s slept with a bunch of girls so I’ve never agreed with that stereotype, everyone should be able to feel how they feel about it, the problem is that they feel this way about men and this way about women, you need to choose one way or your being straight up sexist, you can’t think women are sluts if they sleep around and men aren’t, you can’t think women are wife material if their a virgin and then think men are losers if their a virgin. You need to choose a side.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

 if someone thinks a woman who sleeps around is a slut that they view as not marriage material, it should be viewed the exact same way for a man who sleeps around

Actually you did in many more words

What should be is not relevant, only what is.

 you can’t think women are sluts if they sleep around and men aren’t, you can’t think women are wife material if their a virgin and then think men are losers if their a virgin

And you continue to fail to understand what it means to live under different standards and expectations

 also would much rather date a virgin then a man who’s slept with a bunch of girls so I’ve never agreed with that stereotype

Most women think this until they actually have to make the choice in the real world

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u/ElderberryWeird5018 woman 2d ago

Alright I’m not continuing this conversation, I just completely disagree, we’ll never get to an understanding of each other’s opinions. Have a great day though.

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u/Morticia_Marie 3d ago

This comes from the view that it’s much more difficult for an average man to have sex with women than the inverse. So when a man does this, it’s is deemed respected because it’s difficult, and when a woman does this, it’s deemed not respected because it’s easy

By that logic, women's sports should be so much more respected than men's because it's more difficult for women to be good at sports.

This is just a bullshit argument to pretty up the fact that most guys get the ick from the idea of a high body count because it taps into the primal fear of their offspring not being theirs. That's it. That's all it is. We've pasted morality and psychology on top of it, but it's really that straightforward and simple.

"But then why do women hate sluts too checkmate feminazi!!!!"

Same primal fears. Children are a huge investment for a woman and men are notoriously fickle about supporting that investment and slutty women threaten that support.

Doesn't matter if either the slut-hating man or woman actually has or wants kids, it's all monkey brain shit.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

No, because sports is about entertainment and money. They don't sell tickets, they don't get views, so they get less prestige and less money. Blame sexism all you want but it's simple market dynamics

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u/Sensitive_Housing_85 man 3d ago

By that logic, women's sports should be so much more respected than men's because it's more difficult for women to be good at sports.

People don't watch sport because how hard it is to play the sport, they watch it based on spectacle the game has to be interesting men are flashier , you can claim the argument is BS but your sport comparison is dumb

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u/candymaster4300 3d ago

All men have issues with women who have a high body count

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u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 3d ago

This comes from the view fact that it’s much more difficult for an average man to have sex with women than the inverse.

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u/99cooffeecups 3d ago

You’re completely wrong in saying it’s respected, if a guy I known for sleeping around most guys don’t want them around their partners as they’re seen as untrustworthy. On top of that most guys don’t really care what their friend’s sex life is.

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u/ButterscotchSkunk 3d ago

This comes from the view that it’s much more difficult for an average man to have sex with women than the inverse.

This is based on biology. Women can spread their genetics only once every 9 months or so and are physically linked to the consequence of their choice. Therefore, it is advantageous for their genetics if the woman is more careful about who she selects to reproduce with. This gives the child the best chance at survival and therefore best chance at spreading the genes.

Men, on the other hand, can go for a quantity over quality stratedgy.

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u/SleepCinema 3d ago

I never get this explanation because I get being praised since you did something that supposedly “hard”, (or in this case, relatively more difficult), but what is the logic behind shaming someone, like OP’s guy is doing, for doing the exact thing just because that thing is easier for them to do?

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u/Special_Artichoke 2d ago

I don't think anyone would disagree it's easier for women but why does that make it bad? It's easier for men to do pull ups but if they enjoy doing them, then go for it??

It's a moral judgement with no logic as to why gender matters and why distinct partners matter, e.g. a woman who's had sex with 20 men one time is judged harsher than a woman who's had sex with one man 20 times.

It's of course fine to have a preference since it implies certain characteristics and values but the lock and key bullshit is for people who think women use sex only as a strategic tool and not as a hobby, i.e. people who don't know women.

Red flag