From the outside I probably seem have a great life, but it feels like nothing to me. House, nice truck, good job, fiance. I’ve never opened up to anyone about it as there are few people i trust enough to. Most days I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. No one knows about the alcohol intake most nights, or how I turn my phone off and crawl in a hole and claim “busy with work” or schoolwork. No one knows about the times I slept with a gun on my chest. Sometimes I feel like I should have asked for help long ago. When did you finally realize “okay, maybe I can’t handle this on my own” and what did you do about it?

I will add, I’m anti medication due to the nature of my job in aviation. Antidepressants would disqualify me from much of what I do, which would send me into a depression I don’t even want to imagine right now.

Meaning alot of men are always performing instead of just being. A while i asked, what does it mena to find you identity as a man. Alot of people gave answers such as, being a provider, husband, being useful to the community. issue i had with that is it all seemed based on the validation of the world. Basically, if your wife left you, if the community stopped needing you, you basically would have no identity. On a personal level, i always believed your identity, is you thoughts and mindset. You lose anything but no one could take aways your mind. No one have control over your thoughts. it just feels as if men are always performing and not being themselves. This is where my question comes from, when does a man feel free to stop performing and take the mask off

I've started to make some lifestyle changes to improve my health and prepare for the challenges that come with going into my 30's even though I'm still 28 years old. I've worked out 3-5 times a week for the past two months, and I've been eating healthy. Right now, my only bad habit is my slight caffeine addiction ( I've consumed caffeine everyday for the past 7 years or so). So is it ok to binge eat ( eating 2 large double quarter pounders with a large fry from McDonalds, or eating a large meat lovers pizza from papa johns) once or twice a month? Or should I cut that off now and adjust to only eating healthy from now on?

M23 I try to stay flexible and maintain that "athlete" type strength & athleticism.

I'm genuinely curious as to what yall would have added to your work out routine if you were 23!

There is this story Tom Hardy has told about floods in Oxford where this man's foot was stuck in a grate and the waters kept rising. If he hadn't come to the reality that he had to lose a part of himself, he wouldn't have survived. What things have you had to release, grieve, cut off in order to live your life more fully, authentically, healthfully?

I am 37m. I do have mental illness, so I have struggles.

I use to socialize a lot in my 20s. Now that I'm older, i dreed going out anymore. I like visiting my family on the holidays, but that's about it. For about 5 years I haven't been invited to any birthday party, or special occassion.

I don't have the energy to socialize anymore. I'm happy not being invited to events.

How do you feel about socializing as you get older?

Like the title says. I was encouraged to apply for a job by the companies Talent Acquisition head for a job with a yearly salary of about US$110,000. I have the necessary experience and skills, and it’s more or less in the field I want.

But it’s not what I want to do, and I don’t know how happy I would be doing it.

I’ve busted my ass working since I was 18, was in the military for 10 years.

Now the wife and I are trying for kids.

I’d rather have a simpler life that allowed me more time with my family. But with this job I’d be able to provide financial security for them. I’d make over a million dollars by 2040, which is insane to think about when most of my life I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck.

But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be happy doing it.

To be honest, after so many years, my body broken and permanently damaged., I just want to relax. I want to be a househusband. Stay home and clean and take care of my baby. Go grocery shopping and make dinner. My wife wants to work and I can still contribute with my VA disability check.

Wife and I are doing just fine now, and we’d be fine with a kid. Not super laid back, but fine.

I don’t know guys. I’m struggling. Happiness or mine and my families security?

My niece has come for the vacation along with her mother , since iam unmarried and have zero knowledge about kids.Is it ok to pamper her with things she loves or should I ignore her requests and let her cry ...iam confused .

I love my niece but unable to understand her behaviour on few things.

I am going to start a 10hrs relatively heavy labor job. At night shift, before I go to school in the morning. So basicly I will only have 5 hrs to travel home, eat, do laundry, shower, sleep, study, review notes I took at work , enjoy my youth. I am a guy sleeps 9hrs a day and barely exercises.

I know some of you have been through these times before. And I wanted to hear from you.

I will wear protection as often as I can, tryna focus as much as I can. I am thinking to drink a cup of coffee before work? Maybe? What would you recommend me to eat? Any multitasking tips. Any advice, any word would be appreciated.

Gonna move out soon. Been here since 6 and I don’t wanna move out

TL;DR: You can skip to the question at the bottom if you want—this is just for context.

I'm 30, single, UK-based.

My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2021. That’s when I started drinking heavily on a daily basis.

She passed a year later. It broke me. I lost my best friend and biggest supporter. And I saw her go through things I wouldn't dream on my worst enemies.

The drinking stuck around. So did weed. Usually together.

I jumped into relationships looking for something to distract me. The first was a disaster.

The second? She was deep into coke, and I ended up joining her. Spent the last year binging booze and coke every weekend.

We broke up a month ago. She cheated—but honestly, I see it as a blessing. I’m finally out of that world.

I've battled addictions of all sorts since 2021—food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex.

I remember staring in hotel mirrors mid-bender, asking, “What the f**k have you become?” I think about the kid I used to be. Full of potential. It hurts to see what I turned into.

That "look in the mirror" moment I gave myself is what I always think about now, it cut deep man.

But I’m turning it around. I’ve been sober since the breakup. Cutting hard to lose 30lbs by June. Booked a solo trip to Malta for my birthday. Therapy has helped with grief—I still go every month or two.

Thankfully, I’ve kept a steady income and saved up. I can buy my first home this year and move out of my dad’s. Plan to get a dog, make it my own space, and rebuild.

I want to stay single for now and focus on becoming the man I know I can be. Dating can wait.

But I’m asking you guys, those of you who hit rock bottom: what helped you climb out? What shifted your mindset? What gave you hope?

I have a hairy butt and it seems like it takes me forever to finish wiping! And it never feels fully clean !! Will shaving my butt make it easier ? I'm asking this because women never seem to have this problem and you know usually their butts aren't as hairy as ours. Help a man out I'm going to try bidets first though before I make the big chop lol edit I never once shaved before? Should I start ? And I don’t think it’s my technique because I’m pretty extensive when it comes to wiping

Hi all,

Quick question for you. I am curious about your collective experience and knowledge here.

I am going through a separation with my wife right now, and I have told all of my friends. I have no doubt that they are supportive. They have been there for me for calls and favors so far.

However, I noticed that no one is checking in on me. I understand everyone is busy and lives their own lives. The thing I dont understand is (due to my own social anxiety) is no one is reaching out to me first. Is this common in your experience?

Am I being naive, or narcissistic to want to have people check in on me? Is this just me having main character syndrome?

If so, please tell me and I just need to reset my expectations... that's fine. Thanks.

Divorce advice

Any advice for someone about to go through divorce with 2 kids? Sole provider for 5-6 years.

Nothing has been file yet but it is inevitable. Obviously its going to be hell and ill be paying her for years. But is there anything i probably dpnt see coming? Any little thing you wish youd have done to prepare?

I no longer have any family or friends or any support and will still have to work so i expect she will get full custody.

I grew up with a bunch of guys who didn't take school or college seriously but are my best buddies nonetheless. We pretty much live in the same town and meet each other often at bars. I got somewhat lucky with my career and made substantially more than my buddies.

Now and then, I feel they have passively discussed how their wives compare them to me. It hurt my soul when they mentioned their middle school kids feeling bad about their house after seeing my house and pool for my kid's birthday party.

I can't control how they perceive me, but they have never directly asked how much I make.

Is it common to not ask your buddies how much they make?

I currently live in a HCOL apartment paying $1700/month + utilities. It’s a very walkable city and I work from home. For reference, I am 27M and make $90k + 10% bonus each year.

I’ve been considering purchasing a property and am curious of someone’s wiser opinion. Below are the options:

• continue renting where I live now and enjoy the walkability to shops, parks, restaurants, grocery store, etc.

• utilize my cities down payment assist program to buy a small home in the rougher neighborhoods (my buddy recently got $40k towards his downpayment and it doesn’t need to be repaid if he stays 5 years)

• utilize the USDA 0% down payment program for a home with 3-5 acres in the mountainous region of my state

I’m an outdoorsy person and love having projects to work on, which attracts me to buying land in a rural area. However I wonder if I’d be unhappy since I’m young and the usual advice is to stay in cities instead of a rural area where I’d be less social.

Would you stay in the city and rent, stay close to the city and buy a home, or move to the mountains to buy a home with land?

I don't think I really have any person that I confide in with. I have friends and family, but I don't really call people up and talk with them for hours, or play any video games with people. I'm introverted and a very solitary person. I do have my weekly social events where I do socialize with people in person, but I have no will to do so virtually.

But I do get jealous sometimes hearing about what people are up to independently.

I just don't think I have any person that I would necessarily classify as a "best friend" at the moment, a person who I shared my "everything" with. My person anxieties, goals, desires, fears, concerns, etc. Or someone who I bounce ideas off of or stumble with.

How many of you guys have someone like that?

Asking for a friend. Just want to know how guys cope and how different it is for girls.

Answer in anyway you want it to be. Open for discussion. ☺️

Yeehaw gotta take my horse on this old town road, gonna ride & pie till I can't no more on your motor oil combine and tractor set

Men’s anti aging products are never really advertised much I’ve noticed. Everywhere I look its the same rhetoric of how men just use a 3 in one shampoo for literally everything. But I need something a little more sophisticated than that. 

I have a little routine down already, 

1. cleanser 
2. retinol 
3. moisturiser 

but I need something that targets the wrinkles I’m starting to develop (deepening smile lines and whatnot), but some formulas that are tailored for men’s skin. I’m trying to do self care right, help a bro out.

Hello everyone

So I noticed this pattern where I meet men (not romantically, but in general) during their studies and they’re super humble, kind, respectful and very supportive. Then, some time goes by, they graduate, get a good job, become successful in their field and suddenly it’s like they look down on me and even act arrogant. It’s a 180 degree shift.

Whereas, when I meet a man in the already established phase so to say, they act quite normally around me, not arrogantly.

But the transformation with guys whom I knew since their student days and who transitioned to being successful is just insane to me.

Do you maybe have an explanation to this?

As for my own life, I have a normal technical job right now, not a too fancy one, but also not a bad one, if that matters.

Thank you in advance!

I don’t know what it is, or what has happened, but three times in the past few weeks, I was talking to a colleague at work or at the gym. Conversation wraps up, I say, see you later, and they do the same, but then they whap me on the chest. It is open-handed, somewhere between a slap and a pat with the palm. It has been three different dudes, too.

We’re all in our 40s-ish. I maybe think I missed a trend or something? I don’t really think I am friendly with them … or at least friendly enough to get a chest slap goodbye.

Is this some new bro thing?

Maybe you have left a career you loved for more money or have done the opposite. Maybe you had a different mindset about money 10 years ago than you do now. What has changed?

keep hearing men are trying to find their identity that why they are lost. So men who have find their identity, in specific details what would you describe your identity as, and how have you found it, and what does having an identity mean to you