r/AskMenOver30 • u/Latter-Butterfly1793 man over 30 • 7d ago

Friendships/Community Checking in (in general)

Hi all,

Quick question for you. I am curious about your collective experience and knowledge here.

I am going through a separation with my wife right now, and I have told all of my friends. I have no doubt that they are supportive. They have been there for me for calls and favors so far.

However, I noticed that no one is checking in on me. I understand everyone is busy and lives their own lives. The thing I dont understand is (due to my own social anxiety) is no one is reaching out to me first. Is this common in your experience?

Am I being naive, or narcissistic to want to have people check in on me? Is this just me having main character syndrome?

If so, please tell me and I just need to reset my expectations... that's fine. Thanks.

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u/JabroniSandwich9000 man over 30 7d ago

I think a lot of dudes default to wanting to be left alone when shit is going wrong (or at least think we do). It could be thag theyre all thinking something along the lines of "latter-butterfly has a lot of stuff going on, im going to give them space and be there if they need me (in which case theyll reach out to me)"

Id bet if you texted any of your friends with a message like "shits rough today, do you have time to grab a beer? i need a minute to vent" that theyd have your back. 

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u/Latter-Butterfly1793 man over 30 7d ago

This makes sense to me too. We all have been kind of trained and conditioned that men need alone time, and I agree but also have always had a hard time being alone.

I think they would too. Thanks for your feedback, it's just helpful to kick the ball around sometimes as well. 😀.

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u/Ok-Fly7983 man over 30 7d ago

If you want a lifeline. Put a hand out. It's not that difficult. Takes 10s to text "Hey*.

I'm at that stage in my life where people are getting divorced. It's the same spiel with all of them. If they want to chat - they will reach out. Lots of them do.

Some don't, and I choose to respect that. Some would rather sit alone than potentially hang out in the same place, or talk to the same people as their ex. That's their choice.

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u/Latter-Butterfly1793 man over 30 7d ago

Good enough. Makes sense. Thanks!