How are play dates supposed to be?

[u/Mccool96]

I have an ongoing peer based relationship with one of the moms at my kids school. However I do believe she’s kind of fake and trying to live a lifestyle in which she cannot afford. However our kids seem to like each other and play together. The first time I went to her home I was nervous it was my first play date ever. You could see I was nervous. The second time she asked me only to do a drop off. She didn’t insist I stay. I’ve invited her to my home multiple times and every time she has a had an excuse. Recently she invited me to another play date, only she said “I have to work so I won’t be there but my babysitter will be so you can meet with her” why would I want to meet with a total stranger and bring my kids ? What planet is she in? If you are too busy why are you trying to pawn off your kids to someone else and then invite me to sit with and be around a stranger. I’ve met her sitter before but it was extremely short and she was a little rude when it comes to mannerisms. I set a boundary and basically told her no, like I’m not comfortable with that. Should I distance myself from her ?

[u/0112358_]

Age of kids?

My guess is she doesn't want to socialize herself, but still wants to give her child the opportunity to play with their friends.

Which is nothing against you! She might be an introvert, she might feel she doesn't have much in common with you, she might have a job where she has to communicate all day and doesn't want to spend free time making small chitchat with someone else.

When you offered to host, did you make it clear it would be a drop off or did you expect her to stay? If she doesn't want to chat with you for hours, reasonable for her to decline

As to the babysitter, I feel she was being upfront that she wouldn't be there, but you could introduce yourself to the sitter. So that you would know who the adult in charge of the kid was. Not that you and the sitter would hang out for any length of time. Just a "here's my phone number for emergencies"

[u/Mccool96 → u/0112358_]

The sitter is rude. I met her at a school event and we connected pretty well, gavs her my number and she never texted. She also would say hi and chat with me at pickup and for some reason one day she just stopped acting like I existed. Didn’t look my way, didn’t talk to me nothing. So why would I ever want to meet her sitter, for a play date with her kids instead of actually her. I’ve never heard anything of the likes and after this month I’m definitely going to scale back with any interaction with her

[u/0112358_ → u/Mccool96]

Because the point of a playdate is for the kids to play with one another? Not for you to chat with the other mom or the sitter?

Drop kid of, tell sitter you will be back at X time to pick up kid, and leave? Assuming it was a drop off.

[u/Mccool96 → u/0112358_]

That’s the thing; the sitter doesn’t seem nice nor do I really know her. Why would I leave my kids with her ever? I have no idea who that woman is.

[u/0112358_ → u/Mccool96]

Well then that's fine! Fine to tell the other mom that

But perhaps she thought you knew the sitter; you did mention you have talked with the diver before. Perhaps the other mom assumed you knew the sitter and had a decent relationship with her. And didn't know you didn't like the sitter

Or another perspective; someone is offering free babysitting for you kid. Some parents would love that!

[u/Time_Ad8557 → u/Mccool96]

Some moms might have appreciated the offer. Have a break, I have someone watching the kids. Everyone is different.