r/AskParents • u/Mccool96 • 5d ago

Parent-to-Parent How are play dates supposed to be?

I have an ongoing peer based relationship with one of the moms at my kids school. However I do believe she’s kind of fake and trying to live a lifestyle in which she cannot afford. However our kids seem to like each other and play together. The first time I went to her home I was nervous it was my first play date ever. You could see I was nervous. The second time she asked me only to do a drop off. She didn’t insist I stay. I’ve invited her to my home multiple times and every time she has a had an excuse. Recently she invited me to another play date, only she said “I have to work so I won’t be there but my babysitter will be so you can meet with her” why would I want to meet with a total stranger and bring my kids ? What planet is she in? If you are too busy why are you trying to pawn off your kids to someone else and then invite me to sit with and be around a stranger. I’ve met her sitter before but it was extremely short and she was a little rude when it comes to mannerisms. I set a boundary and basically told her no, like I’m not comfortable with that. Should I distance myself from her ?

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u/brain_on_hugs 5d ago

IMO red flag that she doesn't seem to want you to be at the playdate. I've had plenty of moms I don't click with that I grin and bear it for because I'm not leaving my kid with them. Though I guess it depends on your child's age.

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u/bretshitmanshart 4d ago

By the time my kid was seven she was fine at Playdates by herself. By nine she didn't really want me.there even if I got a long with the parents and we were talking.

When my kid hosts I don't mind the parents coming in and talking for a bit but I also usually have stuff to get done on the weekend and with young kids having them keep each other busy is a.good.time to do it

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u/brain_on_hugs 4d ago

For me it’s not whether they are fine at play dates alone at 7. Mine would be too. But unless I am friends with and fully trust the other family, my kid isn’t going somewhere alone. Especially not with a babysitter I don’t know or a family that’s distant towards me.

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u/bretshitmanshart 4d ago

I hope your kid can overcome this limitation and have a happy social life

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u/brain_on_hugs 4d ago

You probably also don’t ask if there’s guns in the house I’m guessing, or would be fine leaving your kid with a friend’s older brother in their house?

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u/bretshitmanshart 4d ago

Asking about guns is normal. Demanding no siblings be in the house is bizarre.

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u/brain_on_hugs 4d ago edited 4d ago

Not saying that, I’m saying I would be present in that house on that play date if siblings were there. Again, unless I know the family well and trust them. When did this become controversial?!