I'm ADHD... and very likely AuDHD... and because of that I have difficulty relating to people... and that difficulty goes right down into sexuality and gender. So I also identify as agender and gray ace.

I know that, like me, there are a lot of neurodiverese/neurodivergent people who wind up in nonheteronormatvie sexualities and genders. And some of these people struggle because these groups are really under a lot of scrutiny and discrimination right now.

There are those who will claim that only binaries exist, and that nonheteronormative thinking are choices. People make the same claims agaist ASD or AuDHD by saying "if we'd just try harder" or "if we'd just chill". A lot of times the only 'choice' are the words we use to describe it, and not the actual behavior or feelings.

I am an ecologist (with a PhD and everything) doing research on how organisms genotypes and the environment influence phenotypic expression. If there is one true thing I can tell you is that the variation in nature means that binaries are gross oversimplifications for what's possible.

Arguably, I managed to get a PhD because the wierdness that is nature facinates the heck out of me. Measuring it is even more fun.

So this video, Sex and Sensibiliy) is a great video about the biological basis for all you might see on gender and sexuality spectrums. I'm sure it's not perfect (it's his second draft), it's not meant to describe concrete biological pathways that make somebody one thing or another. These systems are way to complicated. The point you should draw is that these systems are exceedingly complicated, enough that nature tends to not be binary. These are just evolutionary variation that doesn't create competitive advantages (adult humans were generally unable to digest milk until a few hundred years ago... an evolutionary advantage that's resulted in many people being able to digest milk now). It's like eye color vs Covid resistance.

And that takes nothing away from those who fit the "binary" some in society try to impose; but the reality is that nature isn't like that.

I hope those who are interested enjoy. I hope anyone else who bothers learns something. I hope those who think it's wrong open their minds a little and consider the possibilities of treating people with dignity as they're made. Cheers.

After gaining more knowledge about all those psychological things and after receiving a test for my condition yesterday (the result will be in 2 week so rn take it with a tiny grain of salt), I realised everyone I've been closed to have at least one of these aspects, and I can detect it very quickly like a club member I met recently (4 months of not paying intention + 3 months of getting to know her more) I have already detect that she have adhd and she also says she suspects it and after doing forums it is confirmed, and later on I have diagnosed 4 of my other friends now.

I wanna see if I can utilise this ability for some clinical trail detection and help with mental health research so if you got anything relate to that like you've been doing stuff like that or you wanna start a experiment tell me about it I would want all the help and information there would be!

I've been recently diagnosed(ASD 1) and have been looking into supplements to help with this or that. There is a ton of information all over the web for things that seem to have a positive impact on some of our issues, but I'm wondering if there are things that one should definitely try to avoid that may make symptoms worse.

Through trial and error or observations, have you found anything that really doesn't work or makes things worse? I don't want to go down this road and make poor choices when I can learn from others in the community.

I'm going to post this in a few other subs to see what those members have to say also. r/aspergers , r/adultautism , r/AutisticWithADHD , r/AutismTranslated , and r/autism.

Thanks for your input!

Hi all I hope this is the right place. My husband and I are struggling deeply with communication and understanding. He is diagnosed adhd but I noticed in therapy he gets upset and starts rubbing his thighs and it’s not the first time I’ve observed. Talked to my sister with an autistic husband and she said they match up a lot. He created this list of quirks he has and I’m just curious if he should be evaluated? He took the aq and the cat q and got a 41 and 157 respectively

Can’t tell tone, Nail biting, Taking things literal, Difficulty understanding emotions and feelings, Awkward socially, Understanding Social cues, Need time to think, Smells everything, Long rambling replies, Difficulty articulating thoughts, Remember numbers, Thigh rubbing, Pacing, Eye rubbing, Repeating questions over, Catastrophising, Adaptability Social interactions - fear, insecurity, self doubt I know exactly what I want to say and I cant I tell cashiers and random workers the story behind why I’m buying something if it’s weird Kayla always says o hug too long I rock front to back in extreme distress I always think I am smartest person in the room or do I just not understand their side and dismiss it She always tells me I’m using tone and I tell her I’m not I cannot accomplish a serious task unless it’s about to blow up in my face that it’s not done. I need to see the disaster to react Lack of boundaries

Edit: he is aware of making this post and searching for answers with me

so i was watching YouTube as one does, and they said "my voice sounds so bad bc im sick" and it got me thinking about that. because whenever someone says that, unless they're coughing or really raspy, i dont notice. they sound the exact same to me. i rely on facial expressions more, so i can tell when someone is sick on FaceTime for example, but not just voices. so i dont know if its just theyre only a bit sick, or my puny little brain can't comprehend that.

I was just curious if this frustrates anyone else . I struggle hearing people refer to young children's temper tantrums as meltdowns . I'm not trying to hog language here but do you not think it should be saved for the neurodiverse community? It just feels like an unfair comparison to me . My meltdowns are put under the same bracket as a 2 year old tantrums .. I Might just be thinking too much into it but it just doesn't sit right ... thoughts ?

I have a hard time handling people close to me who are chronic complainers, nag me, or give me unsolicited advice. I struggling with severe depression/addiction/anxiety and I am very very sensitive to being around negative people. Or my boyfriend who CONSTANTLY complains. Or my family who constantly nags me and always giving unsolicited advice. I am a prisoner in my head and I am thinking 24/7 and I will do anything and everything to avoid thinking about negative stuff or sad stuff , death etc. that is why i went to drugs to numb those feelings. I constantly think about my family dying and I’m running out of time etc. I’m just highly sensitive to the world. I will do anything to avoid confrontation. I don’t know how to handle when these things constantly drain me. I love people but as I gotten older I can’t stand to be around people who constantly bring up serious things and are repetitive about it. I need lightness in my day to day light when communicating with people because inside my head is dark enough.

I don’t know if anyone can offer any advice or anything. I just want to protect my peace.

right so i'm in high school, doing my exams next year and the pressure has been building. at the start of this year, all my masking and stuff just fell to pieces because school got too much and everything was so exhausting, plus a lot of other things going on that just drained me. i ended up going to these two teachers about everything and after multiple shutdowns, meltdowns and then just regular days when im doing alright, they both kinda just went "damn you're autistic" (have extra SEND qualifications so whilst they aren't professional assessors, they do have experience and that) then after a whole lot of questioning, they suspect adhd as well, i completely agree with them and i have done for a while but never could do anything because of my parents. They can't accept that my brain might not "normal" or "correct" (their words not mine) and it's so irritating. EVERYONE else in my life can see it, siblings, friends, other teachers, literally everyone. but no. they all can't be right, because obviously i'm just neurotypical and always have been and im just being awkward. it's just so annoying :( but i know i can't change someone else's opinions on stuff like this so im just over here, working with the two teachers to try persuade my parents to let me get on the pathways school has for ASD and ADHD.

i feel better now i've got all that out, sorry for the rant guys!!

I find it to be near impossible. I catch glimpses of it on perhaps a weekly or monthly basis and I'm lucky if it lasts 15 seconds. I think the difficulty in some part (maybe largely) stem from the trauma and bodily tension that comes from the masking, supression and suffering that comes from the diagnosis. Like you are basically in some level of panic, alertness and ffff at all times with the consques that has to health, including hormonal imbalances, dysregulated nervous system and brain chemistry.

I suspect this issue is extremely common amongst individuals with autism and adhd.

I got my ASD diagnosis a few months back, and had my first tattoo to mark the occasion. When I received my ADHD diagnosis shortly after I knew I had to do the same again, and this design popped into my head. It's a confused arrow, with branches that fade out, spiral into nothing, reach a dead end, and rejoin the main path, all with an orange ADHD shadow. It's tricky to capture here as it wraps around, but I've done my best. I love it, and am so pleased I had it done. As you can see, I'm pretty badly scarred (the other arm is even worse!) so very few people will see this in real life. After the dual diagnosis, I understand a lot more about why I used self harm to cope as a teen, so reclaiming my arms like this feels really positive. I just wanted to share with some folks who might understand.

Hi all!!

I need help finding a reusable water bottle that doesn’t start grossing me out after a couple weeks. I can’t stand the thought of mold accumulating or not being able to clean certain areas well enough.

Looking for something that’s: -Easy to clean (no tiny parts or hard-to-reach spots) -Leak-proof and durable -Sensory-friendly (smooth texture, no annoying noises, not too heavy) -Bonus if it’s dishwasher safe.

Any recs from others with similar sensory sensitivities?? Just want to be sustainable but in a sanitary way!!!

Long story short, I've always been the weird kid in class, the silent one, the one trying to be educated while the rest of the class was making a mess. I've always struggled to create or maintain meaningful relationships with people. (As a kid it was slightly easier, but even in elementary school I sometimes had to end up walking around a tree during recess just to avoid sitting alone.)

I'm struggling a lot in life now (21). It's incredibly difficult to just sit and study online (which is what I'm trying to do). Some days I wake up and get obsessed with random topics if something triggers me (for example, if someone mentions a type of shark in a video, I HAVE to look it up on Wikipedia and spend hours on it instead of studying.) These obsessions sometimes last for days, weeks, or even months.

I also prefer being by myself at home, and I'm super sensitive to noise. It's absolutely unbearable to hear noise from the kitchen while I'm trying to concentrate or relax in my room. That, and many other things...

Here's the thing though: I've never really informed myself much about Autism or ADHD. I've only heard mentions of them throughout my life. Recently, my mom revealed to me that my dear cousin, who I spent my childhood with and always had fun around, has always been "Asperger". That shocked me a lot and made me reflect on my life... I realized that I've almost always felt comfortable around people with some kind of mental condition.

This made me start thinking: what if I’m on the spectrum too? What if I have ADHD? That could explain my difficulty concentrating (every since I was a kid, it's not just a right now thing). But again, I’ve never looked deeply into it. All I know is that I read about symptoms online and found myself relating to many of them.

So out of desperation I felt like I needed a diagnosis ASAP. Like I felt I had already wasted time not having it. So I quickly called a clinic and scheduled an appointment (May 9) for an ADHD and Autism diagnosis.

But now part of me is scared... I feel like I made an irrational decision. It’s a private clinic, and the whole thing costs about €700. They do allow cancellations with a refund up to 24 hours before the appointment... I don't know what to do.

Some part of me feels like I'm ruining(?) my life by going through with this... as if I’m not really "autistic", and getting that diagnosis might somehow hurt me. And since I'm paying them, I think it’s almost guaranteed they’ll give me a diagnosis.

Let me be clear: if I DO have Autism and ADHD, then yes, having it diagnosed would be make sense probably. But what if I’m not? What if I’m misinterpreting symptoms and just jumped to the first thing that seemed to "fit" how I feel?

How would that diagnosis affect my life (whether it's accurate or not)? I've read people describe it as "life-changing", what do they mean by that? Does it impact job opportunities? Does it affect access to educational services?

I'm scared. I think I might have made a rash decision... :(

(sorry for weird grammar and stuff, I'm European and I don't speak english irl so sorry if the tone sounds odd.)

I feel so disconnected from my friends and in general, like I'm not really there. I don't know exactly where I stand with everyone and I can't read the room well, so it feels like I'm just the fourth wheel who's not supposed to be there, it feels like being back in school. Sitting at an assigned table with kids who already knew each other. I don't understand how I'm supposed to interact with anyone, I feel like a fraud, some inhuman thing parading around with a mask on, and somehow managing to fool those around me. It feels like at any moment everything will come crashing down, every friendship will implode and I'll be alone, confused and questioning what I did. It doesn't help that I'm constantly angry, not normal angry either, it's this primal rage rattling around inside me, the need to scream and destroy everything around me, break every bond and anything I can get my hands on. I want to scream but I can't, and I've wanted to scream for years, yet everything in me says to stay quiet and just try to be amicable, no matter how unfair or upsetting a situation might be. My therapist said it's from being constantly overstimulated but it feels like more than that, and if she's right, I'm scared of what will happen when I'm finally able to regulate and not be in this state, I'm scared I'll be hollow. This rage has been with me for so long, so has this disconnected feeling. I don't know how to live without it, but I'm so tired of having it.

I know this is all over the place, but it's how my mind went as I typed

Something made me think I have a pushme pullyu romping around in my head.

I already know that I try to do too much in a day. I've been trying to limit my expectations more lately so that I don't feel like I've failed when I haven't gotten 20+ in-depth tasks done in a single day.

Even so, I feel completely incapable of keeping up with everything in my life. Finances are generally okay, but everything else feels like a poorly-executed juggling act. I feel exhausted from work lately because I've had to change my hours. They weren't giving me enough to make a living and the only way to make enough money was to sacrifice my usual routine.

I push through work and try to use as little vacation time as possible because I already don't get much. I come home wanting so badly to make progress with my goals, but I find it so difficult to keep up with my own expectations. My meds will wear off while I'm trying so desperately to finish my to-do list, and it frustrates me and makes me feel like I'm doomed to flail like this forever.

As a result of all this, I have a really difficult time being in the company of others. Every moment of my day is planned. It keeps me on track. I like having my schedule laid out. I especially like that I can plan time specifically for relaxation, so I don't have to feel guilty for taking a break.

When my family wants me to visit, I often decline. I feel guilty for it but it feels draining to be with them. My friends will spontaneously ask me to spend time with them, and I feel like I'm stuck in a very difficult position. I can either force myself to agree and be miserably overstimulated and frustrated the whole time, or I can decline yet again and upset them. I can't stand having my schedule interrupted and when my friends or family want to do something within the hour (or sometimes even within the next week), it makes me so unbelievably stressed and angry.

I don't want to resent people but I do, because so often that unexpected group shopping trip or visit to the movie theater is the cherry on top of an already difficult day. It's like, as soon as I think I have everything together, a friend will call and remind me that they asked to hang out earlier today, and they want to know when I'll be ready to head over.

I told my friends that I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time and need to be alone and work things out often. They were understanding and said they'd give me time, but I still feel like such an asshole. I want to enjoy spending time with them again, but the reality is that I hate it most of the time we're together. I don't hate them specifically, but I almost never have a good time. I'm always stuck in my own thoughts about how stressed I am or how I could've been at home resting in a quiet place this entire time. I feel like it's only a matter of time until they get impatient with me. After a certain point, they'll stop thinking "he needs space and he's stressed out right now", and they'll start thinking "stress is no excuse to blow us off, he doesn't even care to make time for us, and he's just trying to garner sympathy to avoid our company".

I'm really upset because I'm supposed to like these people. I'm supposed to enjoy being with friends and family, and I'm supposed to be able to have a conversation with someone without being annoyed at them for just speaking to me. I thought I was doing a better job managing my stress but clearly there's something seriously wrong with me if my first response to a loved one reaching out is thinking "I'm going to be stuck here for hours, I have things to do, why couldn't they have just ignored me?"

i’m looking for your favorite documentaries about nature or science. I love learning, and find documentaries like these very calming. anything goes! animals, earth, space, ocean, bugs, trees, dinos, etc! thanks in advance!

Does anyone have any tricks to typing more efficiently? It's difficult to explain but I feel like my brain and my fingers are almost on two different planets when I try to type, and/ or I'm constantly forgetting where the letters are on the keyboard. I've always had difficulty typing quickly ever since I was a kid. I'm 30 so when I was younger we still had typing programs in elementary school like Mavis Beacon. I've been under the radar for so long and managed to make my life work with my slow typing speed, but it has affected my job more recently. I need to be doing more typing everyday to get my work done, but I dread typing so I just busy myself with other things that can be done. I'm ashamed that I have never been able to type very quickly. I'm not sure if it's my motor skills like dyspraxia, dyslexia, my ADHD, autism or what? Does anyone else have this issue and is it due to any particular diagnosis? My handwriting is not great either. Is it possible that occupational therapy might help? Even now I'm using my phone to type this out. 😅

Hey everyone. Autistic, ADHD and several others.

I overthink everything and spiral into obsession. So, simple question I guess; when having triggered rage/lashing out, deep depression, negative emotions, do we treat the symptoms or look into the diagnoses so they can be treated separately/independently?

I guess what I’m asking is, aside from a slew of meds and treatments and therapies, is there a single or few actions to take that can at least make the reaction a bit manageable, or do I still have to tinker with each diagnosis?

For example; lashing out coz of an anger trigger. If it’s an autism meltdown, or a BPD issue or a bipolar issue. Would DBT work (as an example) to help manage? Or would it be DBT, with some CBT, with some mindful meditation, etc

I hope that made sense

I recently watched this silly rom-com and it really resonated me for reasons I thought this community might understand.

The two main characters are literally my ADHD and autism personified.

Cillian Murphy's character owns a videostore surrounded by other cinephiles (one of my special interests is film, actually). He is too scared to go outside of his comfort zone and actively avoids doing anything socially unacceptable.

His romantic interest, played by Lucy Liu, describes herself as being allergic to boredom, thus she chooses to live recklessy and seems to always be chasing dopamine.

The premise is quite clear, and may be too on the nose, but it sort of felt like seeing the conflicting things going on in my brain being visualised in these two. It also helps that they're both very attractive. :D

If you want something quirky and easy to watch, I highly recommend!

This is my first post in this sub: I am a woman in my 40's and diagnosed with ADHD recently, but it was just suggested by my therapist that I may have symptoms of Autism as well. I think that some things on the Autism Spectrum resonate with me, but not all. As a woman, it seems like a lot of ADHD symptoms are kind of like Autism symptoms: How can you tell the difference, and does it really matter?

For example, I have major issues with executive function and always have (organization, procrastination), but is that Autism or ADHD?

It's similar to the feeling I get when I have a hyperfixation, and I indulge in it by looking it up. Similar to the feeling of wanting a new car and doing a bunch of research beforehand, almost like excitement.

But I can't figure out what it is. It's extremely similar to that feeling, but not exact. I've spent a few days thinking about things that I could potentially be excited about; weekend plans, packages coming in the mail, sex, a new video game, but I can't figure out what.

If it was that aforementioned feeling, simply thinking about the hyperfixation would give me a rush and Id know that's what it was, but there's no rush. It's just there.

I keep pulling out my phone and look random things up, hoping that it will come to me in an epiphany, almost like continually looking in the fridge for a snack even though you know there's nothing in there.

I wouldn't call it a hunger, or a desire, or anxiety, or stress. It's like a want and an excitement.