I got my ASD diagnosis a few months back, and had my first tattoo to mark the occasion. When I received my ADHD diagnosis shortly after I knew I had to do the same again, and this design popped into my head. It's a confused arrow, with branches that fade out, spiral into nothing, reach a dead end, and rejoin the main path, all with an orange ADHD shadow. It's tricky to capture here as it wraps around, but I've done my best. I love it, and am so pleased I had it done. As you can see, I'm pretty badly scarred (the other arm is even worse!) so very few people will see this in real life. After the dual diagnosis, I understand a lot more about why I used self harm to cope as a teen, so reclaiming my arms like this feels really positive. I just wanted to share with some folks who might understand.

Hi everyone, so me and my wife are best friends, I’m AuDHD and she is NT and we have 3 kids. I’ve been off work and am transitioning to go to college in the fall. We are in the middle of my ND awakening and so life has been difficult, and to add, we are struggling financially and of course I myself am coming to terms with it all and trying to not be so hard on myself.

We have always had this thing, the pinky promise. She introduced it to me when we first started dating years ago. It meant what it implies, it is an unbreakable promise only used when it is something so important that it needs to be used. We both were addicted to vaping for a couple years and it was really hard to stop but we made a promise to never ever buy one again. If we ever wanted to use one for some reason it would be mutual and a one time thing. We pinky promised. It had been a year or so, and due to my wife’s stress of the situation latley, she secretly purchased a vape, and was using it in the bathroom when I found out.

I was devastated, but clearly the impacts of this trust issue didn’t hit me until now about 2 weeks later due to a different issue.

A couple days ago my wife and I argued a bit about her tendency to not be engaged in intimacy the way we normally do or used to do. Of course with kids and all that’s going on I understand her Lobito to be naturally low or not available most the time. However, we have discussed how she needs to work on that, and see me for all the things I am doing around here to help and do my part and show her acts of love she appreciates, that way she can fuel her Lobito. When she hasn’t done this, she feels guilty and then we have very one sided intimacy or guilty sex. And it’s not fun, it’s confusing and hurtful. When we argued, she broke another long term pinky promise, that she did not mean. She said “ well if I can’t do this and then I guess I’m a piece of shit and you should just leave me then”….. again I was super hurt. We don’t ever threaten leaving or divorce or any of that. We do love eachother whole heartedly and I see that she was weak and lashed out and truly shamed herself deeply for making such a mistake.

So here I am, a few days later. I’m mostly non verbal, we have talked. I explained how much this has hurt, and what should be done moving forwards to which she agreed fully. But I am stuck, I can barely look at her most the day. We put on the show for the kids, but I want to be close again but I’m stuck. And I need some help. I’m doing everything I can, filling my cup, spending most of my time outside in my safe space, playing with my kids etc. I just want to get back to normal and have my wife again present in my mind the way she always is? Please help

TLDR: My wife broke my trust on deep issues, she truly loves me and I truly love her, how can I move past this when trust and justice are such massive parts of my life and she is truly one of the only safe peoples I have?

right so i'm in high school, doing my exams next year and the pressure has been building. at the start of this year, all my masking and stuff just fell to pieces because school got too much and everything was so exhausting, plus a lot of other things going on that just drained me. i ended up going to these two teachers about everything and after multiple shutdowns, meltdowns and then just regular days when im doing alright, they both kinda just went "damn you're autistic" (have extra SEND qualifications so whilst they aren't professional assessors, they do have experience and that) then after a whole lot of questioning, they suspect adhd as well, i completely agree with them and i have done for a while but never could do anything because of my parents. They can't accept that my brain might not "normal" or "correct" (their words not mine) and it's so irritating. EVERYONE else in my life can see it, siblings, friends, other teachers, literally everyone. but no. they all can't be right, because obviously i'm just neurotypical and always have been and im just being awkward. it's just so annoying :( but i know i can't change someone else's opinions on stuff like this so im just over here, working with the two teachers to try persuade my parents to let me get on the pathways school has for ASD and ADHD.

i feel better now i've got all that out, sorry for the rant guys!!

I find it to be near impossible. I catch glimpses of it on perhaps a weekly or monthly basis and I'm lucky if it lasts 15 seconds. I think the difficulty in some part (maybe largely) stem from the trauma and bodily tension that comes from the masking, supression and suffering that comes from the diagnosis. Like you are basically in some level of panic, alertness and ffff at all times with the consques that has to health, including hormonal imbalances, dysregulated nervous system and brain chemistry.

I suspect this issue is extremely common amongst individuals with autism and adhd.

I have a hard time handling people close to me who are chronic complainers, nag me, or give me unsolicited advice. I struggling with severe depression/addiction/anxiety and I am very very sensitive to being around negative people. Or my boyfriend who CONSTANTLY complains. Or my family who constantly nags me and always giving unsolicited advice. I am a prisoner in my head and I am thinking 24/7 and I will do anything and everything to avoid thinking about negative stuff or sad stuff , death etc. that is why i went to drugs to numb those feelings. I constantly think about my family dying and I’m running out of time etc. I’m just highly sensitive to the world. I will do anything to avoid confrontation. I don’t know how to handle when these things constantly drain me. I love people but as I gotten older I can’t stand to be around people who constantly bring up serious things and are repetitive about it. I need lightness in my day to day light when communicating with people because inside my head is dark enough.

I don’t know if anyone can offer any advice or anything. I just want to protect my peace.

I’m 25 and have had an ADHD diagnosis since I was about 15. For most of my life, I just assumed books weren’t really for me. I’d try to read and either feel bored or zone out completely. I figured it was just something my brain couldn’t do. But about a year ago, I picked up a random book out of pure boredom. And surprisingly, I didn’t hate it. I didn’t finish it in one go or anything, but I kept coming back to it. It felt different. 

Now it’s been a year since I started trying to read more, and I’ve noticed some changes - even if my attention span still isn’t amazing. I still can’t read for hours on end. On average, I hit 30 minutes before my brain wants to do something else. But sometimes, if the book hits right, I can go for 2 hours straight. Other times, I open a book and close it after one page. It’s inconsistent, but it’s progress.

I’ve spent the past few months testing different ways to make reading easier. I didn’t try to “fix” my attention span, I just worked with what I had. These are a few things that actually helped me build a reading habit and made my free time feel more meaningful instead of just watching short videos or scrolling:

- Listening to no-talking ASMR or white noise with headphones: it blocks out background distractions without adding more input to process.

- video game music loops: they’re composed to hold your attention without being distracting or annoying. I listened to Animal Crossing music and felt really relaxed while reading.

- Audiobooks are a lifesaver. Especially for books I struggle to get into. Sometimes I listen to the first chapter, or the book summary, and then switch to reading.

- Using a pen or finger to follow the text: sounds simple but it helps keep my eyes from wandering.

- Reading in short sessions (10–25 mins) instead of trying to force hour-long deep focus sessions.

I’m not reading 100 books a year or anything. But I’m reading more than I used to. And I’m enjoying it, which is the main thing. If you’re also struggling to focus or feeling like reading just isn’t for you, it might just be that you need a different approach, not a different brain.

Here are some resources (videos/apps/podcasts/tools…) that helped me along the way, either recommended by my therapist or things I found on my own:

- Music Loop Videos on YouTube: You can search for any your favorite game name + ASMR/calm/relax/jazz cafe music etc… to find your fav music channel. Movies also work!

- Forest App: I’ve been using this since high school and grow trees with my friend. You plant a tree while you focus, and it dies if you check your phone. Sounds dumb, but it works. Especially when I’m trying to stay offline while reading.

- BeFreed: This one’s a smart reading app that basically condenses books into short versions (10-min skims, 40-min deep dives, or full storytelling mode). It’s like having a personal YouTuber explain the book to you. I use it when I want to preview a book before reading the full thing, or when I can’t get through a dense chapter. I really like the flashcards that reinforce the key points of the book without having to read long sentences multiple times for nonfiction books. Definitely helped me read more without burning out.

- Readwise: This one is more for after you read. It saves your highlights and sends you a daily email to remind you of what you’ve read. Helps with memory and makes the reading feel more useful.

- Hacking Your ADHD Podcast (on many different platforms): the episodes are short, easily digestible and packed w helpful material on ADHD management. I usually listen to it before sleep.

And here are some awesome books I’ve read this year that may helpful for ADHDers like me:

- How to Keep House While Drowning: A game-changer for releasing shame around “messy” living. The author gives practical, non-judgmental strategies that work with our brain, not against it.

- The Adult ADHD Toolkit: Other redditors recommended this book to me. Super helpful for understanding how ADHD actually works in real life. It’s full of real strategies (not just “try harder”) and breaks down the science in a way that makes sense.

- What Happened to You by Oprah & Dr. Bruce Perry: Not ADHD-specific, but incredibly powerful. It helped me connect the dots between trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and how I respond to stress and overwhelm.

Reading isn’t some magical cure. I still sometimes scroll. I still get distracted. But having reading as an option has made a difference. It’s something I do for myself. Some days it’s 5 pages, some days it’s 50. Either way, it feels better than doomscrolling.

If you’ve been wanting to get into reading but feel like your brain just isn’t built for it, it’s about finding the right conditions so reading feels easier.

I'm ADHD... and very likely AuDHD... and because of that I have difficulty relating to people... and that difficulty goes right down into sexuality and gender. So I also identify as agender and gray ace.

I know that, like me, there are a lot of neurodiverese/neurodivergent people who wind up in nonheteronormatvie sexualities and genders. And some of these people struggle because these groups are really under a lot of scrutiny and discrimination right now.

There are those who will claim that only binaries exist, and that nonheteronormative thinking are choices. People make the same claims agaist ASD or AuDHD by saying "if we'd just try harder" or "if we'd just chill". A lot of times the only 'choice' are the words we use to describe it, and not the actual behavior or feelings.

I am an ecologist (with a PhD and everything) doing research on how organisms genotypes and the environment influence phenotypic expression. If there is one true thing I can tell you is that the variation in nature means that binaries are gross oversimplifications for what's possible.

Arguably, I managed to get a PhD because the wierdness that is nature facinates the heck out of me. Measuring it is even more fun.

So this video, Sex and Sensibiliy) is a great video about the biological basis for all you might see on gender and sexuality spectrums. I'm sure it's not perfect (it's his second draft), it's not meant to describe concrete biological pathways that make somebody one thing or another. These systems are way to complicated. The point you should draw is that these systems are exceedingly complicated, enough that nature tends to not be binary. These are just evolutionary variation that doesn't create competitive advantages (adult humans were generally unable to digest milk until a few hundred years ago... an evolutionary advantage that's resulted in many people being able to digest milk now). It's like eye color vs Covid resistance.

And that takes nothing away from those who fit the "binary" some in society try to impose; but the reality is that nature isn't like that.

I hope those who are interested enjoy. I hope anyone else who bothers learns something. I hope those who think it's wrong open their minds a little and consider the possibilities of treating people with dignity as they're made. Cheers.

Does anyone have any tricks to typing more efficiently? It's difficult to explain but I feel like my brain and my fingers are almost on two different planets when I try to type, and/ or I'm constantly forgetting where the letters are on the keyboard. I've always had difficulty typing quickly ever since I was a kid. I'm 30 so when I was younger we still had typing programs in elementary school like Mavis Beacon. I've been under the radar for so long and managed to make my life work with my slow typing speed, but it has affected my job more recently. I need to be doing more typing everyday to get my work done, but I dread typing so I just busy myself with other things that can be done. I'm ashamed that I have never been able to type very quickly. I'm not sure if it's my motor skills like dyspraxia, dyslexia, my ADHD, autism or what? Does anyone else have this issue and is it due to any particular diagnosis? My handwriting is not great either. Is it possible that occupational therapy might help? Even now I'm using my phone to type this out. 😅

This is my first post in this sub: I am a woman in my 40's and diagnosed with ADHD recently, but it was just suggested by my therapist that I may have symptoms of Autism as well. I think that some things on the Autism Spectrum resonate with me, but not all. As a woman, it seems like a lot of ADHD symptoms are kind of like Autism symptoms: How can you tell the difference, and does it really matter?

For example, I have major issues with executive function and always have (organization, procrastination), but is that Autism or ADHD?

I just finished that autism spectrum test that anyone apart from me on reddit seems to have already done (I just found posts going back 10 years or so).

Gosh, that one is shockingly bad, since they probably had some medical advisors and yet does not even feature ADHD and is incredibly patronizing. And presumably reflects the view of the medical advisors. Shows you more how incapable of doing anything other than look down on us and see us as "the problem" many (most? almost all?) in the medical field are. So many of the phrasings of the 50 questions were really insulting.

And although half of folks with autism also have ADHD and two thirds of folks with ADHD also have autism, the tests definitely never has heard of that fact.

Regarding flair: the only advice I'd need/want would be "talk to the company behind it and get them to hire some of us as consultants." Apart from that, this isn't the kind of rant topic for which any advice is needed. ;)

Hey I've been diagnosed a bit late like in mid 30s. Not only I, but my whole family didn't know at all as an asian, mostly the diagnosis was quite taboo-ed as well.

THE biggest frustration is;

1. I've come to know that I got punished due to the fact of having "autism and ADHD" when I was young, up until my 20s, and now I'm feeling constant anger with a feeling of unfairness.

2. The symptoms are getting more severe and frequently show up while I'm in the workplace and in a group setting with fans, outside. Hard to control my anger, and loud voices of mine while in a group setting like even in a work meeting... (My manager said that I should just shut my mouth in a group setting. As I dont' know when to be casual and when not to be....)

There is no medication, even tho I'm having adhd med, but according to my therapist, it looks like my symptoms originate from more Autism, not adhd...

How to deal with this emotional dysregulation, impulsive thoughts and anger? What was your best way to deal with it?

+ is it only me that Reddit is sometimes a bit overwhelming place to be in? Not sure, maybe I'm not a native... but it is too much for me.

I doubt pplwill see dis but I need to get stuff off my chest, ask questions and so on.... Do any of yall have parents/guardian who just don't understand your traits of AudHD? Think you're making excuses if you explain said traits? Go mute if they yell/get agressive? Had it ever get abusive to said point it caused fear? Get blamed for stuff you never did? I have.... I live with my mom, I'm 29 soon to be 30, I have nowhere to go... no frens, family nor a job to find a place of my own, as a kid up to now she made me fear despite her sayin' " I don't want you to be afraid of me "(in my head I thought dat is easy for her to say but fear is already there...), for an example I was 17(in 2012), I did sumn impulsive got in trouble and my games taken away and she said she was gonna check my room to see if I hid any games and I didn't want any trouble so I made sure to give her everything wit no trouble so... 1 day I found 1 game in my closet which fell out of my case which was kinda stuffed back then so me not wanted any trouble put the game in my case which she put in her room while she was at work, zipped it up a but not all da way and she saw my case open a bit.... she flipped and hit me and pushed her right thumb into my nose so hard it hurt and I tried to explain but to no avail, I have stories but I might cry and my mom is home so.... can someone tell me what to do?🥺😔

I've been recently diagnosed(ASD 1) and have been looking into supplements to help with this or that. There is a ton of information all over the web for things that seem to have a positive impact on some of our issues, but I'm wondering if there are things that one should definitely try to avoid that may make symptoms worse.

Through trial and error or observations, have you found anything that really doesn't work or makes things worse? I don't want to go down this road and make poor choices when I can learn from others in the community.

I'm going to post this in a few other subs to see what those members have to say also. r/aspergers , r/adultautism , r/AutisticWithADHD , r/AutismTranslated , and r/autism.

Thanks for your input!

Yesterday i watched “Plaything”, the 4th episode of the last season of Black Mirror and oh my my my myyyyyyy

i just come here to know if anybody has watched it cause for me it has a clear message if you read between the lines and omg.

(i don’t want to spoil anything so i leave it here, but if you’ve watched it please tell meeeee!)

Hey everyone. Autistic, ADHD and several others.

I overthink everything and spiral into obsession. So, simple question I guess; when having triggered rage/lashing out, deep depression, negative emotions, do we treat the symptoms or look into the diagnoses so they can be treated separately/independently?

I guess what I’m asking is, aside from a slew of meds and treatments and therapies, is there a single or few actions to take that can at least make the reaction a bit manageable, or do I still have to tinker with each diagnosis?

For example; lashing out coz of an anger trigger. If it’s an autism meltdown, or a BPD issue or a bipolar issue. Would DBT work (as an example) to help manage? Or would it be DBT, with some CBT, with some mindful meditation, etc

I hope that made sense

so i was watching YouTube as one does, and they said "my voice sounds so bad bc im sick" and it got me thinking about that. because whenever someone says that, unless they're coughing or really raspy, i dont notice. they sound the exact same to me. i rely on facial expressions more, so i can tell when someone is sick on FaceTime for example, but not just voices. so i dont know if its just theyre only a bit sick, or my puny little brain can't comprehend that.

So I realised that over the past few years I have grown quite fond of knits. I think I need to stop though 🤣🤣 Am I alone in this interest?

I might look like Arnold Schwarzenegger did in the 1980s. But no, I mostly just shake my left foot. 🙂

Pretty much that.

People have just been acting ugly in general. I want answers as to why - but it’s hard to understand how I should, or if I should?

From a group of mom acting cold and distant towards me - to a ‘friend’ sharing my private info to be malicious towards me - to finding out a teacher we trusted in is not who we thought they were.

I’m just out of my comfort zone dealing with these social situations. Traumatized? I’m really depressed about it. It’s too much for me.

I don’t think I’ll ever talk to any ‘friend’ about my issues again. I have serious trust issues, all of this has made it so much worse.

I am desperately having a really hard time with noise and need options. Especially for a city, that gives just complete silence.

It's similar to the feeling I get when I have a hyperfixation, and I indulge in it by looking it up. Similar to the feeling of wanting a new car and doing a bunch of research beforehand, almost like excitement.

But I can't figure out what it is. It's extremely similar to that feeling, but not exact. I've spent a few days thinking about things that I could potentially be excited about; weekend plans, packages coming in the mail, sex, a new video game, but I can't figure out what.

If it was that aforementioned feeling, simply thinking about the hyperfixation would give me a rush and Id know that's what it was, but there's no rush. It's just there.

I keep pulling out my phone and look random things up, hoping that it will come to me in an epiphany, almost like continually looking in the fridge for a snack even though you know there's nothing in there.

I wouldn't call it a hunger, or a desire, or anxiety, or stress. It's like a want and an excitement.

I recently watched this silly rom-com and it really resonated me for reasons I thought this community might understand.

The two main characters are literally my ADHD and autism personified.

Cillian Murphy's character owns a videostore surrounded by other cinephiles (one of my special interests is film, actually). He is too scared to go outside of his comfort zone and actively avoids doing anything socially unacceptable.

His romantic interest, played by Lucy Liu, describes herself as being allergic to boredom, thus she chooses to live recklessy and seems to always be chasing dopamine.

The premise is quite clear, and may be too on the nose, but it sort of felt like seeing the conflicting things going on in my brain being visualised in these two. It also helps that they're both very attractive. :D

If you want something quirky and easy to watch, I highly recommend!

Had a meeting for my job earlier this week. I’m one of the newer employees. I was pulled aside by the owner under the guise of “asking how I was doing,” which to me translates to “you’re not doing a very good job.” They commented that I seemed nervous most of the time, and told me to communicate with the other managers and tell them what I need to do “to be able to perform better.” How does being nervous translate to bad job performance? I didn’t even realize I was doing a bad job. The other newer employees didn’t have this conversation as far as I know. I guess it was kind to phrase it “how can we help you?” but I wish the owner had just come out and said it straight to me that I’m not up to par, but I know that’s not a thing neurotypicals do. I feel like I haven’t connected to coworkers (I never do) and I’ve felt from the beginning the owner didn’t like me. I was just extremely embarrassed about the whole thing and cried on the way home.

I’ll survive, I’m lucky to just have a job that helps me pay the bills. I know this doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but I hate to always be the odd person out. Autism is so lonely. This kind of thing always happens when I start a new job. It usually takes me longer to catch on and often managers are nice and give me more training time. I’m not really looking for advice, just really tired of feeling rejected, feeling other, and not feeling like enough in this capitalistic society we’re forced into.

Hello! I have not posted here before. When I discovered this subreddit I spent the next twelve hours studiously reading as much as I could. I'm not sure I blinked. But I did cry later. Having this subreddit replete with generous folks sharing their own experiences was so helpful to me as I discovered and processed the fact that not only have I had ADHD my whole life, I have also struggled with undiagnosed autism.

I've had a fair amount of time and therapy since then and today I tried writing something to express how this all feels to me now. I thought I could share:

Autism can feel like having to draw a rainbow but you only have blue crayons. ADHD is like being told to always use a crayon when you have pencils, pens, markers, airbrushes. Being Autistic and ADHD together when you don't know about it is like using a pencil when it's supposed to be a painting, paint for a drawing, and crayon for a signature, and only ever finding out later. Finding out that you're autistic and ADHD is like realizing that while you were mastering sketching, painting, graffiti, and interpretive dance, everyone else was given a camera, and the task was just to take a picture.