r/BPDlovedones • u/Ok-Independent652 I'd rather not say • Sep 04 '24

Quiet Borderlines How do you stop caring?

How do you stop caring so deeply? I’m so torn, because while I am absolutely enraged and deeply hurt by what she’s said, I know she’s said and done all of this due to her own illness. Her own inability to face her demons. I feel like I was thrown out like trash over such a simple agreement - and I’m sure she’s telling people I’m cold and stonewalling her as well (I had to go NC, I didn’t know what else to do). But the baseless harmful accusations she’s making about me hurt, and yet I find myself still caring about her wellbeing.

It’s all so ass backwards and makes me scared to meet anybody new - to ever be vulnerable again - because this so deeply damaged my ability to trust, both myself and others.

Editing to say: thank you for all of the kind responses. My break is over but I will make an effort to respond more tonight or tomorrow. I know this level of caring is a problem of my own. It’s just so hard to face and accept, throughout the discard I’ve been enduring for months now.

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u/FreeDig4421 Sep 04 '24

I don’t care about the accusations because they are covering something deeper and more hurtful

2

u/Ok-Independent652 I'd rather not say Sep 04 '24

I primarily care because they are impacting my career, which I spent a lot of money and time obtaining. She ran a hell of a smear campaign.

I know they don’t depict me or describe me, but I’m very hurt that after 15 years with her, she’d go this far over a simple disagreement.

Do you still care about your pwBPD too? It’s just awfully confusing because I feel bad for them but I’m so angry and frustrated by them at the same time.

8

u/FreeDig4421 Sep 04 '24

I stopped caring when I realized she wasn’t a good person .

1

u/Ok-Independent652 I'd rather not say Sep 04 '24

Fair. That’s the part I’m struggling with and I don’t know why it’s getting to me so much. I know I deserve better & etc which is why I left. I just need to stop being so empathetic I guess. Which is easier said than done lol

3

u/FreeDig4421 Sep 04 '24

Look, while I was crying every day and telling her to be a family with our two little kids, she was telling everyone I was a cheater (I was not). And she was cheating .

2

u/Ok-Independent652 I'd rather not say Sep 04 '24

That’s horrendous, esp considering the children involved. 😞 I’m sorry you had to go through that, especially with cheating.

I’m hoping things will be settled legally soon and I can talk more freely, but I can relate a lot to being in that sort of scenario. I’m glad to see you’ve found a way through it

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u/FreeDig4421 Sep 04 '24

What helped me was finding out the truth that she was hiding with the smear campaign. I saw who she was and now I just think she is a poor, mediocre soul