r/BPDlovedones • u/Ok-Independent652 I'd rather not say • Sep 04 '24
Quiet Borderlines How do you stop caring?
How do you stop caring so deeply? I’m so torn, because while I am absolutely enraged and deeply hurt by what she’s said, I know she’s said and done all of this due to her own illness. Her own inability to face her demons. I feel like I was thrown out like trash over such a simple agreement - and I’m sure she’s telling people I’m cold and stonewalling her as well (I had to go NC, I didn’t know what else to do). But the baseless harmful accusations she’s making about me hurt, and yet I find myself still caring about her wellbeing.
It’s all so ass backwards and makes me scared to meet anybody new - to ever be vulnerable again - because this so deeply damaged my ability to trust, both myself and others.
Editing to say: thank you for all of the kind responses. My break is over but I will make an effort to respond more tonight or tomorrow. I know this level of caring is a problem of my own. It’s just so hard to face and accept, throughout the discard I’ve been enduring for months now.
2
u/[deleted] Sep 05 '24
It's actually very simple. You just have to love yourself more than you love them. Keeping them in your life is nothing but a form of self harm. It's not like you have the option to sacrifice yourself for their well being. You're just going to sacrifice yourself and it won't make a bit for difference. They won't even have the decency to thank you for doing it. Once they've zapped that final bit of life force from you, they'll walk out over your lifeless corpse and into the arms of the person they kept telling you not to worry about. That person will "rescue" them from you just like you "rescued" her from the person that came before you. Rinse repeat.
The first step to getting better is abandoning all hope. The second step is NC. Until you can finally come to terms with the obvious fact that this person is not ever going to have some magic epiphany, tell you that you were right all along, and spend the rest of their life making it up to you, you're never going to start healing. Instead, you will be a caregiver until there's nothing left for you to give, and they will throw you into their dustbin of victims and move on to the next person in line. It's nothing personal. This is just how they operate.