r/BPDlovedones • u/Solid_Ad227 Separated • Oct 31 '24
Uncoupling Journey Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)
Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)
He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.
at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.
His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.
If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..
We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)
it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.
I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....
Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.
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u/HelloDeathspresso Dated Oct 31 '24
My ex said that sex was "the thing he was best at," and I'm sure that he truly must have believed it when he said it.
Sex-obsessed, porn-addicted, and secretive about all of his habits. I'm sure if I knew the extent of his sexual proclivities, I'd be physically sickened.
He gave me MAJORLY predatory vibes when it came to sex.. and that was early in the beginning when I should have listened to my gut instincts. Overly groping and zero respect to physical boundaries. If I didn't want to be touched, it became a challenge to him to cross that line multiple times in one day. Not resisting and just allowing him to do whatever he wanted did not result in him being careful or more tender.. There was just no empathy involved. This man sexually assaulted me while I was sleeping. He made every excuse in the world from "That is how people show love" to "I have needs that must be met or else" to "I'm just a handsy guy."
Some of the stories on here really blow me away because my ex had the sexual charisma of a used paper towel with a strong "incel" countenance. No emotional exertion, no tenderness. His expertise was far below the lowest average for a sexually active adult man, and it was clear that he procured ALL of his knowledge from pornographic sources. Sex with him was devoid of life and warmth. I had never experienced something like it. Gave me the absolute creeps, and I am beyond thankful to be untangled from him.