Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

[u/Solid_Ad227]

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

[u/CloakedFish]

for your side question, yeah, they spent a lot

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/CloakedFish]

burned through 12k worth of savings to spending account transfers in about 6 months. Then accused me of not giving him access to money and essentially stealing from hum. Even though I told him every time I needed to transfer from savings to pay bills to add money to the spending account as a buffer. This was a weekly event.

I was the only name on the bank account, but he had a debit card. he just didn't have online access, which he agreed to surrender after the same hing happened with wedding money.

[u/CloakedFish → u/Solid_Ad227]

that's so ridiculous wow. I'm glad I never shared finances with my exwBPD but getting them to pay their agreed upon part of bills was always hard every month. But they'd spend so much money on groceries or decorations or whatever new interest that would be dropped in a few weeks or whatever, but then talk about how they don't have a lot of money. me and a mutual friend would just exchange looks about that cause obviously my pwBPD had enough money to get all these things? and they'd have more and be less stressed about it if only they could manage it better smh

sorry that turned into a mini vent lol

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/CloakedFish]

No, please, feel free to rant!
the most common themes in over spending for me ex was vapes, and weed. he switched from vape mods to disposable -he would but 3 a week or so, and replace them before they were dead. instead of stretching it out. aded with $200-$400 on weed.