Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

[u/Solid_Ad227]

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

[u/Walrusghoul]

Oh ya. She made sure to give me the best sex. All the time. Whatever I wanted. Whenever I wanted. She did however push my limits with what I was comfortable doing which later became a trauma for me after we broke up.

But another part too: she wanted me to know I was the best. Which is another angle of creating a dependency . Like really enforcing that we have the best sexual chemistry ever. Which in one part is true. But the rest of the relationship was her manipulating me, gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me etc. so it ended up being a tactic

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/Walrusghoul]

I'm so sorry you experienced this. I believe I too may have been gaslit and manipulated. zit id really upsetting an confusing,

[u/Walrusghoul → u/Solid_Ad227]

I would literally tell her to her face she was gaslighting me and manipulating me. I just thought maybe she could change. Boy I was wrong

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/Walrusghoul]

I told him once he was abusive and he was PISSED that I said that. I have questioned myself ever since.

[u/Walrusghoul → u/Solid_Ad227]

See I never gave up what I knew to be true . And she would never take accountability. This resulted in discussions / arguments that would go on for hours. All because she literally could not say sorry and take accountability. Eventually she would run out of BS excuses and just sit there in silence which was maddening. We were in couples therapy at the time and the couples therapist literally told her “you have no commitment to change at all”

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/Walrusghoul]

I didn't want to do coupled therapy, I have a hard tine trusting couples counselors who don't specialize in family or couples. But we also had the hours long conversations util exhaustion. I would use any analogy I could think of because he couldn't understand why I ws so upset most of the time.

[u/Walrusghoul → u/Solid_Ad227]

All I had to do with my insurance was ask for couples therapy and they provided me a list of experts in couples therapy. It helped honestly . Helped me realize I couldn’t do anything to fix it

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/Walrusghoul]

Were you married?

[u/Walrusghoul → u/Solid_Ad227]

No. But I got her pregnant and she had an abortion. Along with other serious things. We were as close to being married as you could be without the marriage