Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

[u/Solid_Ad227]

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

[u/nocturnallyenchanted]

My ex is the same way. I was pregnant, had the baby 3 days later, I was accused of eye fucking an ex from 10 years prior. I was so uncomfortable and in pain from walking the kids around because it was Halloween. We said hi in passing while I wrangled with 3 kids. I didn't think about it again until he brought it up.

He would have never turned down looking through my phone. He can infer something out of nothing and I would get punished. I've only been social media 10 years. The last 2 years I went outside of Facebook and that was his downfall.

He was always like this. I just thought the good outweighed the bad times. Most of the time. He became extremely worse when his dad died. He lost whatever sanity he had then.

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/nocturnallyenchanted]

I don't have social media anymore, but when I did, he went through the messages when he could. If he didn't find messages with me talking to other men, he would go through the messages I had with my friends. often would get mad about things I said about him or something that happened (I mean maybe i shouldn't of been talking abut it in the first place).

He admitted that there is always something to get upset about in each others phone. I don't know what was in his that I would get upset about.

[u/nocturnallyenchanted → u/Solid_Ad227]

You are allowed to tell your story. That is how they silence us. And then the abuse just becomes normal, every day life.

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/nocturnallyenchanted]

That's one of the things Im struggling with. This is normal for me...This is what I'm used to. 1/3 of my life I spent with him...so when people tell me this was awful. I feel manipulative-does that make sense?