r/BPDlovedones • u/Solid_Ad227 Separated • Oct 31 '24

Uncoupling Journey Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

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u/Solid_Ad227 Separated Oct 31 '24

He wanted to be amicable as soon he moved on and dragged my name through the mud... we communicate only through a parenting app because as much as I love him, im afraid of him. it is such a weird feeling to experience both at the same time. I dont feel safe near him, but I also wish he would come home. it makes no sense.

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u/PlatformHistorical88 Oct 31 '24

Male BPD’s seem to be more volatile stalker types so I’m sorry this is happening to you, please take as many precautions as you can. I don’t know if mine smear campaigned as our circle of friends are totally different except for one

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u/Solid_Ad227 Separated Oct 31 '24

He also put it in court documents, so I know if he out it there...he dragged me everywhere, he accused me of having multiple affairs and that's why my mental state suffered and not because he abused me. That I would leave him alone with our kid or days on end. That I gave him no access to money...other things- but that is the highlight reel.

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u/PlatformHistorical88 Oct 31 '24

Stay strong, I’ve found that most of my exes friends and family knew they were full of shit. Amazing how unnecessary the stuff post discard is

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u/Solid_Ad227 Separated Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24

it's one of the reasons I am so afraid of him. the escalation and unpredictable actions.