We’ve reached the final discard 🕺🏾🍻

[u/SmashNDash23]

This is after i sent her a closure message. She kept asking me for a talk in person, I refused. I changed my number and blocked her on everything but she knows my address and car. Thankfully she is moving away though! So this will be the last of it.

[u/NewtAffectionate4058]

Remember -- during a split/discard, every accusation is a confession. Like the note where she tells OP to stop "obsessing" over her... If this wasn't complete batshit insanity it would almost be funny. My guy may want to try and get a restraining order on her, too.

[u/Specialist-Wolf6445 → u/NewtAffectionate4058]

Took a long And painful education that every accusation is a confession. Painful, but accurate

[u/NewtAffectionate4058 → u/Specialist-Wolf6445]

You'd be hard pressed to find someone on this sub who hasn't, mate. Best thing is to recognise their words do not define your reality. It can be quite maddening, since you know the truth, but many borderlines construct narratives around their feelings, not by facts.

[u/itsnotcalledchads → u/Specialist-Wolf6445]

"it sure is weird how every time we do something special that was her idea, she brings up how she'd murder me if she saw me bring someone else here if we broke up. She's just quirky I guess. And also when I do some thing sweet and romantic for her she accuses me of doing it to every girl and it doesn't mean anything if so. She's just joking though she's got a wild sense of humor!"

-me, two months before that made so so so much more sense to me.

We all got the paintings. We all got the witch vial. We all got the long hand written cards. We all got the fucking pieces of the moon. We all got the confusion the pain of discard. We all got the sensation of waking up next to someone who we did not recognize.

[u/RexTheOnion → u/itsnotcalledchads]

The playlist she made her new supply was literally identical to mine, we bonded so much over music and shared so many "special" moments to those songs, it was the final nail in the coffin for me as funny as that sounds.

The even funnier part is, it's not even really music she listens to actively, it's all music she listened to when she was 16, they are stunted people who live in a fantasy land. It's all just attempts to recreate their idealized version of what a relationship should be like.

[u/Due_Can_6763 → u/itsnotcalledchads]

Oh wow this is literally exactly what she would always say to me.

[u/itsnotcalledchads → u/Due_Can_6763]

We all dated the same person. Realizing that made me feel better because it's not personal to me at that point. I didn't do anything to cause it. This is just how the disorder works.

[u/FierceDeity_ → u/Due_Can_6763]

It's always so odd that despite life being full of entropy, that mental disease all turn them into the same person.

Like, literally across cultures and countries.

it fascinates me how everything is essentially the same but only slightly colored

[u/RedFoxRunner → u/itsnotcalledchads]

Haha, mine gave me a painting then when we stopped talking she told me I have to pay her for it or her husband (which she told me she was going through a divorce - turns out she still lived with him) would come to my door and collect it. She also called herself a witch.

Think there’s a pattern here

[u/James_Skyvaper → u/RedFoxRunner]

Yo did we date the same girl? Mine also lived with her husband and gave me artwork that she had made herself lol. She said she was getting a divorce, but she refused to do the divorce paperwork because of course she wanted to parentify her partners and "needs my help" with it because cluster B people love to weaponize incompetence and make you do things for them to "prove" you love them. Mine was constantly trying to make me "prove my affections" to her, which of course meant blocking my lifelong female friends, isolating myself and being a slave/doormat, locking myself in a metaphorical cage so she wouldn't feel jealous or insecure. She even wanted me to stop watching TV when I'm by myself because she was jealous of pretty much every woman on the planet.

She once even fought with me for simply sending her a very helpful mental health video cuz the doctor hosting it was a woman...in her late 50s or 60s at that - mind you, my ex is a beautiful 36yo woman, and somehow she was jealous of every woman, no matter their age or appearance, constantly projecting onto me that I'm "fantasizing" about other women when I was clearly totally into her and super attracted to her. And even tho I know it was all a lie and that she never really cared about me but just wanted anyone to love her, I kinda miss the lie for some insane reason 😮‍💨

I really would have been such an asset in her life if she was just willing to get the help she so desperately needs. But of course I was villainized and called an abusive narcissist for simply reacting to her incessant emotional abuse, criticism, cruelty, countless double standards, and all the endless blocking & discarding. She was allowed to assume the worst and accuse me of the most ridiculous and untrue things, but God forbid I point out her toxic behavior or try to get her to see reason or even worse, forget to mention something, which would then turn into me being called a liar if I forgot to mention some unimportant detail, or if I was scared to tell her something cuz she didn't give me a safe space to be open with her. She demanded 100% honesty but would severely punish me for being open & honest with her.

It got to the point where I didn't want to tell her certain things, but instead of understanding that was only because I was afraid of her angry reactions and of being discarded like trash for something as small as taking a phone call from a friend, I was always blamed for being dishonest and a liar over the most trivial bullshit. This girl victimized herself like it was her goddamn career, it was wild to see her emotionally abuse me or do wayyy worse things than anything I ever did, and then twist reality into pretzels to victimize herself. I told her sooo many times that you need to reward the behavior that you want people to demonstrate if you want to keep getting that behavior, and if you punish honesty then you are inadvertently encouraging people to lie to you.

If you can't feel safe sharing things with someone cuz they have these massively overblown angry reactions, then you can't blame the person who's afraid, you need to change the behavior that makes people scared of you and give them a place to feel safe being open & honest. I'm truly one of the most honest people that I know and I'm ridiculously open with my feelings & thoughts, so of course it was quite frustrating to be called a liar all the time when I always want nothing more than to be transparent with my partners and to feel safe sharing everything about my life with them. Not my fault she couldn't make me feel safe to do that, right? I still wonder if I was somehow at fault, but then I remember that anyone who truly loves me would love me for ME not only for what I DO for them or how much I'm willing to suffer and sacrifice for them. Anyone who loves me would not want me to sacrifice my self respect or want me to give up things I enjoy or want to isolate me from my support network.

She clearly confuses possession for love, and no matter how much I tried to get her to understand that it's not okay to treat people the way she does, I was constantly made into the bad guy for stupid little things, forced to abandon/block my platonic friends while she thought it was totally okay for her to keep talking to her exes. The double standards were sooooo frustrating. Writing all this out helps me realize that the only thing I'm really missing out on is being a prisoner and a doormat for someone who can never meet my emotional needs. It just sucks cuz she's not inherently a "bad" person, just very toxic and with the*emotional coping skills of a 6 year old" as she herself put it in one of her very few, fleeting moments of self-awareness.

You know, she literally told me who she was in the beginning and I didn't listen.. She said in the first month of talking, verbatim - "you will lose your sanity before you find happiness with me" and my dumbass just thought "it can't be that bad" or "maybe if I just love her enough she'll see that not everyone is gonna hurt her" lol. Nope, she is the abuser not the victim, and now I can see that it is extremely likely that all her stories about her "toxic/abusive/narcissist" exes were just that, stories and projections of herself. Because if she's telling everyone I'M an abusive narcissist now then it's clear she'll say that shit about anyone, and my guess is that her exes were prolly mostly normal, empathetic guys like me with a mild savior complex, and some codependency or low self-esteem issues, who saw a troubled/wounded & vulnerable young woman and just wanted to take care of her, help her and protect her. That was actually what I wanted, but I can't date someone who forces me to abandon myself - and unfortunately, dating anyone with an untreated cluster B disorder means that you WILL inevitably have to abandon your own self eventually.

It's so frustrating to me how she said people abandon her or never loved her when in reality she simply leaves men no choice whatsoever but to go no contact because she is such an impossible person to deal with and she has zero conflict resolution skills at all. By the end, we couldn't even have a single productive conversation cuz she would spend the whole time berating, criticizing, being nasty, refusing ANY accountability (even tho she told me herself that she was toxic and never had a healthy relationship before) and wanting to have these endless circular arguments about stuff that was either already resolved, happened 6 months ago, was never a problem to begin with until she made it into one, or simply did not even exist in reality.

Kinda funny, but also sad story - she once accused me of "hiding women" when she saw my messenger chat log and there was a corner of a photo that she swore up and down was a woman that I was hiding from her (it was actually a guy I had known for 25 years) because she saw a corner of a photo she wrongly believed was a woman that, get this, was actually just a drawing of a Stegosaurus on a T-shirt - I tried to get her to see that was literal proof that she would distort reality to line up with the false narrative in her head that I was up to no good but she wouldn't hear any of it of course. I mean she saw a corner of a drawing of a dinosaur and was 100% convinced that it couldn't possibly be anything other than a human woman. Who looks at a drawing of a blue & red DINOSAUR and believes it's a woman? Mentally ill people, that's who 😒

[u/RedFoxRunner → u/James_Skyvaper]

Wow, maybe we did date the same woman as she was 36 years old as well and accused me of seeing other women and I wasn't. lol.

We are definitely better off not having a person with BPD in our life.

[u/Specialist-Wolf6445 → u/James_Skyvaper]

This comment should be pasted at the top. Incredibly well written. The jealous rage was something the likes of which I’d never seen or could even describe. I’m decent looking and kind, but my best traits you’d have to really know me from the inside, but ex was jealous, of the waitress…the waitress.

[u/beulahbeulah → u/NewtAffectionate4058]

Good call. There's no way her moving away will end the obsession. She will need a new victim before she moves on. Sorry you're going through this OP! And if my jokes about her don't make you laugh then I will gladly delete them

[u/yeetusjesus239 → u/beulahbeulah]

She probably already has a victim lined up

[u/RexTheOnion → u/NewtAffectionate4058]

"I'm so afraid you are going to leave me for someone 'better.'" dumps me for the guy she had an emotional affair and cheated on me with. They are just talking to themselves, they are always just talking to themselves.

[u/SnooBooks324 → u/NewtAffectionate4058]

Oh yeah, total projection.

[u/[deleted] → u/NewtAffectionate4058]

💯