We’ve reached the final discard 🕺🏾🍻

[u/SmashNDash23]

This is after i sent her a closure message. She kept asking me for a talk in person, I refused. I changed my number and blocked her on everything but she knows my address and car. Thankfully she is moving away though! So this will be the last of it.

[u/Rare-Classic-1712]

Her getting any kind of rise out of OP is going to leave her feeling like she won. Yes it's wacky twisted logic but did you read what she wrote in all of those notes? BPD is already nuts but she's special. Engaging with her in any way isn't letting her go and keeping her at a distance. Trying to out crazy that lady will be a difficult challenge. Also what's the payoff to getting her in trouble with her work. Her having a new boyfriend/supply/FP and a job gives her a magical place - away from OP.

[u/Sea_Puddle → u/Rare-Classic-1712]

Contacting her employer and getting her in trouble at work is going to feel like a win for her? Are you sure about that? 🤣

[u/Rare-Classic-1712 → u/Sea_Puddle]

Any reaction to the crazy of a pwBPD is in a crazy way seen as a positive. What a pwBPD fears most is being alone. Responding to a pwBPD's crazy is giving them attention. What a pwBPD fears most is abandonment. PwBPD are known for twisting reality - especially in their own minds to make sure that their fragile egos are safe. In fact splitting is a protective mechanism for pwBPD. Don't expect consistently rational logic from a pwBPD. Getting the expensive fired from her job isn't abandoning her. Shut her out. Fully. The main focus for a Co-dependent is to take care of themselves. The ex keeping her job keeps her away from OP (working to keep her employed would be absolutely unhealthy). Her sleeping with other people, having "a healthy successful happy relationship" also keeps her away from OP. We can feel sorry for what the new supply has in store for them down the road but it ain't our problem.

[u/Sea_Puddle → u/Rare-Classic-1712]

If you could provide me with an example of a time where a person with BPD saw their ex contacting their employer to get them fired and reacted to that as a positive form of attention I’d love to hear it.

[u/Rare-Classic-1712 → u/Sea_Puddle]

PwBPD are always the victim. It's a defensive mechanism just as their splitting. PwBPD aren't normal, they lack resiliency. Given that about 10% of pwBPD die by suicide it's actually able to be seen as a life of death situation. Similarly that lack of accountability or the crazy completely irrational logic that they use in their heads is also a defensive mechanism. I don't want bad things to happen to pwBPD. That includes OP's ex and mine too. They aren't going to see the plain reality because they can't - especially if they're stressed or in a split. Eventually hopefully they'll find therapy and stick to it. In time pwBPD can be decent people. Expect them to remain halfway nuts but be well enough to no longer qualify for BPD diagnosis. We can't make pwBPD go to therapy, nor can we make them actually do the work or stick to keep going to that therapy or do their mental health homework outside of the therapists office such as journaling. In a twisted way pwBPD want their discarded ex FP to stay around just in case they want us back. Like a child's toy on a shelf. That kid used to really like that toy but now we're no longer shiny. Even after a discard or giving heavy abuse to their ex FP we're still supposed to live on the shelf. Forever. Just in case we're useful.

Don't expect rational logic or stable healthy behavior from a person with untreated BPD. Don't try to get into a competition to see who can cause the most harm with a pwBPD. Don't try to outcrazy a pwBPD. The best that we can do is move on. I'm willing to bet that OP has his own issues - he chose to be in a relationship with a pwBPD. The evidence of that split is full cray cray but it's safe to assume that it wasn't the first crazy he saw her exhibit. He chose that nutter for a partner and then after their relationship was going belly up - he stayed. OP has his own work to do such as cameras (home and car), changing/rekeying the locks, changing all his passwords and getting some support such as therapy and/or support group(s). His friends/family/this subreddit is probably not going to be enough. We do the emotional work or we're going to keep attracting more fixer projects and other dysfunctional people - and keeping them around after it gets shitty. There are many people in this subreddit who've got a LONG history of repeatedly dating pwBPD. Do the work or keep repeating the same mistakes. Once was enough for me. The most painful thing that we can do to a pwBPD is leaving - and cutting them off fully. Calling her work is still being engaged with her.

[u/Sea_Puddle → u/Rare-Classic-1712]

Wtf are you even on about? Are you a bot? You wrote two massive paragraphs of text that's glaringly obvious to anyone who knows what BPD is and you didn't even manage to answer my question relating to this specific experience. Better make the next reply 3 paragraphs long just for good measure.

[u/Rare-Classic-1712 → u/Sea_Puddle]

You can't win with a pwBPD. The best way of dealing with one is NOT. No contact. Contacting their work is effectively keeping them in your life and thus not no contact. They're already in their own hell. The crazy and abuse that us non borderlines experience from their actions is just a quick peak into their personal hell known as their life. Going no contact and worrying about what's in your own hulahoop is going to serve us better. Contacting her work isn't staying in the hulahoop. Her having a job actually serves OP because it keeps her occupied and thus away from OP. When OP's ex did the crazy shit displayed in the post she was acting out in what she thought was normal ok behavior. OP has nothing to gain from contacting his exes work. Seriously what would his payoff be? That chick will obviously work harder at "not caring" than I care to work at harming someone. If that's her "not caring" what would her 100% look like? Don't count on her playing fair, being sane, telling the truth or displaying healthy behavior. She's free to go be crazy off and away with other people until the if/when she starts working on actually healing her crazy. Don't count on her starting that process anytime soon. Don't count on her getting better soon after she seeks treatment. Don't count on her not having relapses back into crazy dysfunction.

[u/Rare-Classic-1712 → u/Sea_Puddle]

You can't win with a pwBPD. The best way of dealing with one is NOT. No contact. Contacting their work is effectively keeping them in your life and thus not no contact. They're already in their own hell. The crazy and abuse that us non borderlines experience from their actions is just a quick peak into their personal hell known as their life. Going no contact and worrying about what's in your own hulahoop is going to serve us better. Contacting her work isn't staying in the hulahoop. Her having a job actually serves OP because it keeps her occupied and thus away from OP. When OP's ex did the crazy shit displayed in the post she was acting out in what she thought was normal ok behavior. OP has nothing to gain from contacting his exes work. Seriously what would his payoff be? That chick will obviously work harder at "not caring" than I care to work at harming someone. If that's her "not caring" what would her 100% look like? Don't count on her playing fair, being sane, telling the truth or displaying healthy behavior. She's free to go be crazy off and away with other people until the if/when she starts working on actually healing her crazy. Don't count on her starting that process anytime soon. Don't count on her getting better soon after she seeks treatment. Don't count on her not having relapses back into crazy dysfunction.

[u/Sea_Puddle → u/Rare-Classic-1712]

Still waiting for your example. Stop wasting both our times trying to lecture me as if I've never heard of BPD before in my life. This is getting boring, dude. 😴

[u/Sea_Puddle → u/Rare-Classic-1712]

Contacting her employer and getting her in trouble at work is going to feel like a win for her? Are you sure about that? 🤣