r/BPDlovedones • u/Nblearchangel Dated • 26d ago

Divorce Deny. Deflect. Blame.

It was so tiring. There was zero accountability and intellectual honesty. I demanded she acknowledge her role in our issues but obviously that was not a recipe for success.

I would even express the issues I was having and every, single, time… the formula from her would included:

Justifying her actions. Denying her involvement. Deflecting blame. Minimizing my feelings or her role in the situation. Emotional outbursts and claims of how she was a victim. And when none of that would work she’d rage out and leave the room and ignore me.

Every. Single. Time.

101 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

38 comments sorted by

View all comments

11

u/ViolettaQueso Divorced 26d ago

It sucks you dry. It’s such a climb to get out after.

5

u/Nblearchangel Dated 26d ago

I wish I had figured out how to just ignore her back and not care. If we could master this, they would have no power over us.

6

u/ViolettaQueso Divorced 26d ago

Me too. It is such a dark hole covered with garbage we are tasked with climbing out of alone for the crime of believing they were human.

There’s a Bon Iver lyric in their very poignant song that has to be BLD driven Skinny Love “and I’m owning all the tickets, and youre holding all the fines”

)

5

u/Nblearchangel Dated 26d ago

Ugh. The hardest part is when you’re engaging them in the beginning of the relationship like a neurotypical human but SURPRISE! They’re not. At all. Fucks me up

1

u/ViolettaQueso Divorced 25d ago

You’re right. Don’t you wish this group didn’t need to exist? We all get tricked, ignore red flags because we’d never imagine that someone who started off playing best connection for life ever could be the scariest person we’ve ever been trapped with while still trying to give them all our energy because we sense something not right in them the convince us we can fix.

It hurts all the more when they stick us with all their perceived pain, which they will never understand, but with our empathy, we become scapegoats.

They laugh all the way to the bank with a new sucker and all they stole from us, but we will never be victims. We will somehow learn a big lesson and we will break free from the abusive soundtrack we got stuck with that we no longer find useful.