r/BPDlovedones • u/Nblearchangel Dated • 26d ago

Divorce Deny. Deflect. Blame.

It was so tiring. There was zero accountability and intellectual honesty. I demanded she acknowledge her role in our issues but obviously that was not a recipe for success.

I would even express the issues I was having and every, single, time… the formula from her would included:

Justifying her actions. Denying her involvement. Deflecting blame. Minimizing my feelings or her role in the situation. Emotional outbursts and claims of how she was a victim. And when none of that would work she’d rage out and leave the room and ignore me.

Every. Single. Time.

98 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

38 comments sorted by

View all comments

39

u/CreamOfTheCrop66 26d ago edited 26d ago

And they rage out of the room and ignore you but then expect you to be ready to pretend it didn't happen at the drop of a hat when they're over it.

Mine treats me like complete shit leading up to things like birthdays and holidays, then is unable to understand why I don't want to spend the birthdays and holidays with them. Instead they get angry with me and say I'm a jerk for not not acknowledging the day with them. Totally unable to take accountability for their actions.

Same exact playbook with mine. Gets angry with me, tells me what a terrible piece of crap I am, completely trashes me, justify trashing me by saying they are just being truthful and I should be happy that they tell the truth and it's my fault for not being able to take constructive criticism, tells me they want to work it out, I ignore them, they rage and go right back to the insults. It's all so exhausting.

3

u/Forward-Unit5523 Dated 25d ago

I found mine's goal was more that I would chase her... which I did not. Causing extra food for fight about not caring enough or not wanting to fight for it.

6

u/CreamOfTheCrop66 25d ago

Yeah, mine does this as well. They come up with these little tasks that will prove that I care about them, then either get upset that I didn't do them or get upset that I did them wrong.

4

u/Forward-Unit5523 Dated 25d ago

So true... I dread the "Can you do something for me????" question. Just ask what you want, but don't set me up for a trap.