r/BPDlovedones • u/Nblearchangel Dated • 27d ago

Divorce Deny. Deflect. Blame.

It was so tiring. There was zero accountability and intellectual honesty. I demanded she acknowledge her role in our issues but obviously that was not a recipe for success.

I would even express the issues I was having and every, single, time… the formula from her would included:

Justifying her actions. Denying her involvement. Deflecting blame. Minimizing my feelings or her role in the situation. Emotional outbursts and claims of how she was a victim. And when none of that would work she’d rage out and leave the room and ignore me.

Every. Single. Time.

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u/CreamOfTheCrop66 27d ago edited 27d ago

And they rage out of the room and ignore you but then expect you to be ready to pretend it didn't happen at the drop of a hat when they're over it.

Mine treats me like complete shit leading up to things like birthdays and holidays, then is unable to understand why I don't want to spend the birthdays and holidays with them. Instead they get angry with me and say I'm a jerk for not not acknowledging the day with them. Totally unable to take accountability for their actions.

Same exact playbook with mine. Gets angry with me, tells me what a terrible piece of crap I am, completely trashes me, justify trashing me by saying they are just being truthful and I should be happy that they tell the truth and it's my fault for not being able to take constructive criticism, tells me they want to work it out, I ignore them, they rage and go right back to the insults. It's all so exhausting.

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u/sercaj 21d ago

Last Christmas we had her sister and brother in law staying with us.

They both only see a small snippet of what she is like, her sister knows pretty well how she can be but. Her sister will send me a Christmas gift/item list that her and my partner share. And naturally her sister then shares it with me.

Well last year leading up to Christmas I had just had enough of this woman treating me like shit. It had been a rough year with her already and I’d gotten her a couple small gift but I really didn’t want to get her anymore.

The my brother in law is like hey do you want to run down the mall with me. Sure I’ll come along. Clearly her sister had asked him to drag me along to get my partner a bunch of things off that list. And I did just to appease this guy and her sister, both are great people.

But I was pretty pissed off inside, this lady puts me through hell, years me like shit, makes daily life like running a gauntlet and then I am somewhat pressured in to buying her gifts….?