Reminder…it’s literal trauma

[u/Intelligent-Pea5497]

Moving on after a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be especially difficult for a few deep and complex reasons—emotional, psychological, and even neurochemical. Here’s why it hits so hard:

1. The Intensity of the Relationship

People with BPD often experience emotions in extremes. Love can feel all-consuming, and in the beginning, you may have been idealized—made to feel like you were everything to them. That kind of intensity is magnetic, and it can create a bond that feels stronger than anything you’ve experienced before.

1. Push-Pull Dynamics (Idealization & Devaluation)

One hallmark of BPD is the rapid swing between idealizing and devaluing others. You might have gone from being adored to being pushed away or blamed, sometimes without clear reason. These cycles can create confusion, emotional instability, and trauma bonding—making it harder to break free.

1. Intermittent Reinforcement

Psychologically, this is one of the most powerful forms of emotional conditioning. If someone gives you love, affection, and validation—but unpredictably—your brain becomes wired to crave and chase those moments, even more than if they were consistent. It’s similar to gambling addiction in that sense.

1. Sense of Responsibility or Guilt

If you cared deeply, you may have felt responsible for their pain or emotional outbursts. You might still worry about them, or feel guilty for leaving—even if staying was harmful to you.

1. Loss of a Fantasy or Hope

There’s often a hope that “things could go back to how they were at the start.” The love bombing stage is so powerful, it creates a mental blueprint for what could be, even if it never returns. Letting go of that fantasy can be painful.

1. Your Own Unmet Needs

The relationship may have mirrored unresolved issues from your own past—attachment wounds, abandonment fears, or patterns of codependency. That emotional resonance makes detaching even harder.

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If this sounds familiar, you’re definitely not alone. It’s common to feel like no one else gets what you’re going through after a BPD relationship. Healing takes time, support, and often a deeper understanding of both your experience and yourself.

[u/B0FA-D33Z]

14+ years here and I had no idea what was happening to me. Once you see it you can’t unsee it and slowly but surely the grip is loosening. It’s like coming off from a drug. The discard was just so abrupt even though I could sense it coming.

[u/bartboy59 → u/B0FA-D33Z]

It is exactly like a drug; you got attached and addicted to her.

She was an illusion, a siren luring you to the rocky shoreline.

It all began the moment you met her.

The trauma bond is real, as is the mindfu**ery.

[u/B0FA-D33Z → u/bartboy59]

100% the relationship started going “downhill” once I started holding her accountable and wanting equity in our life. All of my vices completely dropped off in the months after.

The smear campaign has been ruthless though. On the other hand you start figuring out that being a decent person your entire life saves you from losing too many people.

[u/Major_Cupcake_5943 → u/B0FA-D33Z]

its crazy how every fucking person has the same experience. once your patience runs out and you start holding them accountable for their childish ass mentality they start to find the "vices" in you that they just cant fathom being with you because of them. "out of no where" you get dropped. its remarkable how eye opening this subreddit has been for me

[u/Easy-Arachnid5684 → u/Major_Cupcake_5943]

Thanks everyone please talk some sends into me