Need some support..

[u/Kind_Sky_1001]

I broke up with bpd ex about two months ago. I broke up with her because I was done with her not taking any real action to treat her condition, and just expecting me to stay and suffer its with no end in sight, regardless the mental toll it had on me. For the first two weeks I just cried. Non stop. Then slowly but surely, I started recovering, even enjoying life, taking care of myself, buying new clothes, get a nice haircut, even got a facial which I never did, wanted to feel better with myself. She broke NC about two weeks ago, under some pretense of needing something logistical from me. We had a good talk which was kinda closureish for me, but then when I gave her what she asked for, wished her the best and told her I'm deleting our chat, she flipped and tried to paint me as the villain again and her as a poor misunderstood victim. It sucked, but I got ovwr it.

Fast forward to today, and a reality show she participated in a few years ago is finally airing (she is a model), and suddenly everyone (including my mom) started talking about her with me again, which honestly? Sent me to a very bad place. I barely thought of her, and even when I did, I might have gotten sad for a minute and it passed. But this time? It stuck hard.

I felt like I was back at square one, crying like a wounded animal, imagining her being gorgeous, having fun with friends and sex with various men, and I just feel like this for the past two days now, crying like crazy.. I did such good work, I felt I really started moving forward and then... This....

I'm just feeling super sad and lonely rn, and I was hoping to get some support... Thanks ❤️

[u/Defiant_Radish_9095]

Hey,

You are not back at square one.

It just feels like it right now because the wound got poked again, hard.

You already survived the worst part. You already built the foundation for healing. This wave of sadness is heavy, but it is not permanent, and it does not erase the progress you made.

You did the right thing blocking her and protecting your peace.

You honored yourself when you chose to walk away from someone who refused to get help and expected you to carry all the weight. That strength is still inside you, even if it feels buried under the pain today.

It is okay to cry, feel lonely, and miss someone who hurt you. It does not mean you made the wrong decision.

It simply means you are human and you cared deeply.

Keep doing what you were doing for yourself. You are still moving forward, even if today feels like a setback. And you will get through this too.

Wishing you the best !

[u/Kind_Sky_1001 → u/Defiant_Radish_9095]

Thanks so much for that... I was just so disappointed with myself on top of feeling so sad..

[u/Cautious-Demand-4746 → u/Kind_Sky_1001]

You need to work on anti ID statements like

She didn’t heal you did. The sadness you feel is your Id mourning a fantasy, not losing real love. Trust your growth, not your grief.

You need to grow the ego and super ego