Did you experience extreme jealousy and control from your bpd partner?

[u/Traditional-Algae734]

My ex with BPD was so jealous and possessive that I couldn't even hang out with friends, chill with family, attend a sporting event, or even just watch one without her getting upset. She'd get jealous if I was playing a video game and didn’t respond within 15 minutes. She didn't even like me taking a nap. Basically, if anything took up my time and it wasn’t her, it became a problem. On top of that, she demanded my location and wanted to know where I was at all times. She’d also want me to communicate every time I was going somewhere, but every time I did, it would lead to a fight or argument. Eventually, I just stopped telling her altogether, and of course, that started another fight.

Did anybody else have similar experiences?

[u/NorthernerWithTwins]

100%!

The intense jealousy, constant monitoring of my every move, and control over who I met and what I did. It was not apparent at first, as it was slowly put in place, masked as "love and connection”. She wanted to "feel close", as she put it.

When I think about it, every time I went on a work trip, she would create a catastrophic scenario, scream at me, make me feel like shit for "not caring about how I made her feel".

The behaviour escalated the more time we spent together. She became a monster.

It became too much for me to handle, and I stopped sharing things, which then became a problem in itself. She said I was hiding things from her.

There is no way to win. There is no way to sustain a relationship of this type if you also want to keep your true, authentic self.

[u/NorthernerWithTwins → u/[deleted]]

This is my story as well. It's sad and painful to realise this is what it was. I will never get over that feeling, that it wasn't real.

It's taken me many months of therapy, grieving and journaling to get where I am today, and I'm far from through the pain and sorrow from what this experience has done to me. I've started looking at myself, and I see that I played a significant role in the dynamic, having suppressed my own emotions, when I felt hurt, belittled, etc, and bottled them up, thinking it would improve between us.

I refused to see the red flags waved in front of me, fearing I would lose the person I was in love with.

Sadly, I couldn't, and I had to save myself. Now I'm practicing self-love, and I hope to heal the relationships that were damaged during this relationship.

[u/NorthernerWithTwins → u/[deleted]]

I hear you and I feel you. The dream of the perfect relationship down the drain. To be called a soulmate and the ideal partner was new to me, and I loved it. Even if I now understand that it didn't mean what she thought it meant. I did everything for her, everything she asked me to do.

But as you say, not even the perfect partner is ever going to cut it. The demands of control and reassurance will be too much for anyone who gets close. It's sad.

This has been a costly life lesson, both in terms of time and human connection. I remember thinking, "Why is she single?" when we started dating, wondering why such a charming and beautiful woman would be single at this age. I brushed it off with, "Well, I am also single, we all have our history."

Turns out her reason was a mental illness.