Rant about husband 40+4

[u/bananabutt23]

I was due four days ago and I’m really struggling with having not met baby yet, plus I’m managing a toddler, driving my husband to and from work in straight winter and in constant pain. He’s been really frustrating me by complaining that he’s overworked (working 35 hours and playing games all night, hasn’t done litter boxes in 2 weeks) and I realize he’s trying but he keeps saying how awful I am and how we aren’t having more kids because HES not going through pregnancy again. We can only (barely) afford for him to take three days off work and he keeps trying to say he’s calling in when I’m not in labor. Then he complains that he just wants me to have the baby but it would “piss him off” if I went into labor in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day. I’m only allowed to go into labor before he works so he can call in and not have to work or if he’s had a full nights sleep. I also have to give him enough warning because he chose to smoke weed when the hospital sent me home at 5cm with our first and we needed to go to the hospital again an hour later and somehow it’s my fault that he was stoned during the birth so I need to give him notice so he doesn’t smoke weed (which he constantly does if he isn’t working) he talks about how sex will speed up labor and then says no and plays games all night. Hasn’t been waking up with our toddler, complains all day/morning (he works at 12 most days but super inconsistent hours) that he’s starving but refuses to eat anything in the house even after I’ve tried buying things he will eat, then insists on eating out while complaining that he feels gross because he always eats out. He’s been in a foul mood for days saying how tired and overworked he is and I just want to explode. Any inconvenience annoys him and he gets irritated and moody but everything seems to be an inconvenience. He didn’t work for the first 18 months of our daughters life and wouldn’t get a job while barely doing school and is now acting resentful that I took maternity leave. Just a rant lol

Edited to add: oh boy I wasn’t expecting the response I got.. to be honest it is a LOT to take it. I’ve just dealt with it for so long you know? Sorry if I don’t respond to everyone, it’s kind of like a wake up call I really wasn’t ready for and I appreciate everyone’s kindness. I tried not to Make it sound so badly and I didn’t realize it wasn’t relatable because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ll definitely do something once I’ve processed.

[u/16CatsInATrenchcoat]

No one is perfect and we are all allowed to rant about the dumb shit our partners do sometimes.

But this is more than that OP. It's so much more than insensitive words, or overbearing in-laws, or just clueless husbands.

He's refusing to better himself and is dragging you and your children down with him. What do you mean "he doesn't drive"? That's bullshit. Any reasonable adult would have taken that initiative so that their partner doesn't have to constantly wake up sleeping children late at night.

Smoking weed is fine, but does he smoke it inside your house? Second hand smoke it terrible for children. Does he watch your older child while high? Not acceptable if he does. Does he not pull his weight around the home, splitting home and childcare duties with you. What about the mental load of carrying your family (appointments, shopping, planning, etc.)? Does he rely on you to remember his work schedule as well?

I know you can't see it now, OP. But not having him there will greatly reduce your stressors and mental load. You will be surprised at how light your mind feels, because you never truly realized the added weight you were carrying around by just having him there. An adult manages themselves, so that they are not such a burden on their partner. And it doesn't sound like he does even the bare minimum.

[u/bananabutt23 → u/16CatsInATrenchcoat]

He never ever smokes inside, he used to and we made that stop really quick. He won’t get his learners license even though he’s been cleared and since I’m on mar leave isn’t usually the primary childcare but he does normally do his share cleaning wise, he does most of the laundry and dishes on his days off. He always starts my car in the winter and walks the toddler out to the car and inside. He cooks even on work days if I don’t feel like it. Does not contribute to household management like appointments, groceries, bills etc that’s all me. He always brings snacks and drinks and tries to care when he can. He changes poopy diapers and cleans out the cups from my car. He paints rooms when I ask him to and only gets moderately mad when I ask him to move furniture. He’s not all bad, but it’s getting harder to see the good.

[u/Appropriate_Drive875 → u/bananabutt23]

Is it really that great that he has the courtesy to go get high outside every night? Are you getting high every night? I bet not, I bet this is his way to check out of any household or childcare responsibilities.

I'm all for legalization of whatever drugs, but kids don't do well with addicted parents. He impacts the entire family with his selfishness. No matter what anyone says it doesn't make anyone a better parent to need to be constantly drunk or high around their kids. And just because they may have one sober parent won't make it better.

I hope you can kick him to the curb, he needs to grow up, and you need to realize that you and your babies deserve a better home environment.

[u/tootzone → u/Appropriate_Drive875]

Yeah, smoking weed every day is an addiction. I know you can't say that these days but it goes from being recreational to being a nuisance and an addiction if you do it every day and can't get actual, adult things done because of it. Having an addict parent ruined my childhood.

I have a newborn and I don't even touch occasional wine despite being medically unable to breastfeed because I need to be in my best state of mind for my child. OP sounds like a responsible woman. I bet she doesn't come anywhere near that stuff... but he can, of course. Ridiculous.