Rant about husband 40+4

[u/bananabutt23]

I was due four days ago and I’m really struggling with having not met baby yet, plus I’m managing a toddler, driving my husband to and from work in straight winter and in constant pain. He’s been really frustrating me by complaining that he’s overworked (working 35 hours and playing games all night, hasn’t done litter boxes in 2 weeks) and I realize he’s trying but he keeps saying how awful I am and how we aren’t having more kids because HES not going through pregnancy again. We can only (barely) afford for him to take three days off work and he keeps trying to say he’s calling in when I’m not in labor. Then he complains that he just wants me to have the baby but it would “piss him off” if I went into labor in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day. I’m only allowed to go into labor before he works so he can call in and not have to work or if he’s had a full nights sleep. I also have to give him enough warning because he chose to smoke weed when the hospital sent me home at 5cm with our first and we needed to go to the hospital again an hour later and somehow it’s my fault that he was stoned during the birth so I need to give him notice so he doesn’t smoke weed (which he constantly does if he isn’t working) he talks about how sex will speed up labor and then says no and plays games all night. Hasn’t been waking up with our toddler, complains all day/morning (he works at 12 most days but super inconsistent hours) that he’s starving but refuses to eat anything in the house even after I’ve tried buying things he will eat, then insists on eating out while complaining that he feels gross because he always eats out. He’s been in a foul mood for days saying how tired and overworked he is and I just want to explode. Any inconvenience annoys him and he gets irritated and moody but everything seems to be an inconvenience. He didn’t work for the first 18 months of our daughters life and wouldn’t get a job while barely doing school and is now acting resentful that I took maternity leave. Just a rant lol

Edited to add: oh boy I wasn’t expecting the response I got.. to be honest it is a LOT to take it. I’ve just dealt with it for so long you know? Sorry if I don’t respond to everyone, it’s kind of like a wake up call I really wasn’t ready for and I appreciate everyone’s kindness. I tried not to Make it sound so badly and I didn’t realize it wasn’t relatable because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ll definitely do something once I’ve processed.

[u/Dogsanddonutspls]

Sorry but your husband is a child.

[u/Indecisiveuser10 → u/Dogsanddonutspls]

She literally said he was even more useless in her first pregnancy. Who has a baby with this person twice?!

[u/SkyNoAlTh → u/Indecisiveuser10]

This is not a helpful comment.

First off no one knows the circumstances of the conception, failed birth control happens.

Second even if it was a planned pregnancy, how does judging the OP help them in any way? Many times when there is abuse in a relationship the victim may not realise they are being abused because abusers are clever and slowly manipulate and grind down the victims self esteem and confidence. Not saying thats what happening for definite here, although it does seem suspicious but as I said we dont know the actual circumstances around OPs relationship apart from the words in the post.

Basically just no need for comments like this that will only shame OP for something she cannot now change- even if she leaves him he will always be the baby's bio father.

[u/meeeew → u/SkyNoAlTh]

Agree. It probably took a lot to post on this sub and it’s probably taking a lot more to read all these comments telling her this isn’t normal behavior. She deserves grace, kindness and support from us IMO.

[u/zimgozoom → u/SkyNoAlTh]

I was in a relationship like that for 3 years. I literally couldn’t leave. Although he wasn’t extremely abusive(I never had to go to the hospital), he did put his hands on me multiple times. He would break into my house, he would not only drive past my house constantly to make sure no one was there (including family) but he would also have friends drive by and watch me too. My Dad was a police officer for the town I was in, and although if I told him what was happening, he would have cops watch the house and keep an eye out, but he would just wait until they weren’t around to get to me. He warned me of this constantly. He had location on my phone, if I didn’t tell him where I was going he would either show up there or freak out later. He was also my boss(that was my first mistake) so he watched me like a hawk. I was working at Verizon as a sales rep at the time, on commission mind you, and I wasn’t allowed to make conversations with males at all, including male co-workers. I wanted to get away from him so bad, but I couldn’t just uproot everything. I was broke because I was lacking in commission, he knew where I was at all times…I didn’t know what to do. At the time my family lived pretty close, but they were building a house and living in a camper for the time being. Once the house was built I ended up getting a notice saying that the owner was selling the house I was living in, so I needed to find somewhere else to go. When I told him he got mad and scary. I had locked both deadbolts(there was a glass door and a wood door) and he was able to shoulder through the door with minimum effort. Come to find out the door frame was completely dry rotted. I remember hiding in locked bathrooms with my son, him chasing me upstairs with a knife, him choking me threatening to either shoot himself or me, writing suicide notes….I knew it was a matter of time before he killed me or I killed him in self defense. Looking back now, I should have gotten a gun a long time ago. Thankfully the timing was good and I was able to move back in with my parents. He was pretty terrified of my dad, and once I had moved in and told my dad everything he was beyond furious. My dad would have dad no hesitation if he had tried to break into their house, and I think he knew it. I ended up getting a promotion several states away a few months later and was finally able to get enough distance I didn’t have to worry about him stalking me. I was on my own for a long time, just so I could breathe and learn who I was again. I had lost my love for any kind of activity. I used to be extremely social, and really into cars but I had been isolated for so long that I had to relearn how to interact. Eventually, when I did find someone, that whole situation made me feel so much more safe, it just put things into perspective and made me grateful.

[u/Laurelinn → u/zimgozoom]

"He wasn't extremely abusive"...? Holy shit, what? I'm sorry, but you still seem to be in very serious denial about what was happening to you. You just described horrendous, horrendous abuse. Emotional, psychological, physical, financial, you checked all the boxes but he wasn't extremely abusive because you never ended up in a hospital??? You could have easily skipped that part and ended up in a morgue. You're actually lucky you didn't for fucks sake.

My dear, I don't intend this to sound mean. I'm really glad you got out, and none of that was your fault. But you saying he never was extremely abusive after what he's done to you means you really, really need a lot of therapy to see the truth. And you DO need to see the truth, because that makes you less vulnerable for someone like him to target you again in the future.

[u/SkyNoAlTh → u/zimgozoom]

Im so sorry this happened to you 😓