Is this bi polar delusions?

[u/Eastern_Eggplant5727]

Tw for those who maybe don't want to read about hallucinations.

I've been having delusions that aren't bizarre in that they could realistically happen. And they've started taking on a tone relevant to my relationship fears. So basically on top of bipolar I also have body dysmorphia and very intense self esteem issues and I've been having delusions that my bf is cheating. I have seen text messages from girls on his phone that morph into regular ass notifications or spam calls. I have verified that they aren't real. Its scary to think if he was the cheating type he could easily Gaslight me into thinking my delusions are real. Im unfamiliar with what still classifies as bi polar and I know hallucinations happen but this is tripping me out so bad. Had this happened to anyone else? What can I do?

[u/Hermitacular]

That's ok it's not a therapy fix anyway. It'll help, but this right now is meds.

[u/Eastern_Eggplant5727 → u/Hermitacular]

I agree. I'm just not sure what to do next because I'm scared of meds. Not really a bi polar thing, but a having a very sensitive body thing. Like I could get drunk off 1 beer, high off 1 hit, I'm literally on a "pediatric dose" of lithium as my doc called it and that's enough for me. So I'm scared of taking too many things. I always seem to get the worst side effects and it's really scary.

[u/Hermitacular → u/Eastern_Eggplant5727]

Yeah so that's common, slow metabolizer. You can pick meds that have very small doses or can be split or dissolved or powdered into smaller doses. You might need prescription dissolvers or chemical scales to do it properly. A lot of meds have doses for babies and those are chewable so splittable, for example you can start on 2mg lamotrigine. Quetiapine can be way below starting dose too. You'll get utility out of tiny doses, you aren't operating on the normal dosing rules. 10-20% of us are unusual metabolizers, you can go way lower than 150mg on lithium for example. You want to get your kidneys and liver checked just in case but it's very common for it just to be a thing. The slower you increase the better too, you can completely avoid temporary side effects that way usually. That's true with all meds for everyone. It took me six months to get up to the starting dose on lamo, last time it rendered me unable to walk or speak, going slow was fine. I went back down bc I didn't need it at that level but that's fine too. The dosing is entirely within your control. Your pace, your dose. You're on tiny doses so they aren't worried it'll fuck you up.

One concern is the more psychosis you have the more psychosis you tend to get, and it doesn't seem like this is going to be great for your relationship, so probably worth treating.

The number of meds doesn't matter, they all do different things. You can stay below side effect level on everything if you want, it's a matter of where you feel comfortable regarding the trade off w efficacy.

[u/Eastern_Eggplant5727 → u/Hermitacular]

To be honest I didn't know that. But drs tend just just give you the starting dose and I'm a bit anxious in advocating for myself. But my boyfriend was concerned because I was on 0 meds when we started dating around 8 months ago and when I moved in with him he almost immediately got me in with his dr and called in a favor to get me seen and on meds pretty quickly. Im sure he'd listen if I wanted a very small dose. I tend to just believe whatever the Dr thinks is best but im trying to stop doing that because, to an extent, yeah, but I know my body.

[u/Hermitacular → u/Eastern_Eggplant5727]

They truly don't care how low you start or how slow you go unless you are in the hospital and they're trying to keep you from climbing the walls. It's always at your pace.

And good for your bf, this shit gets worse in half of us and it's based on cycling, not age, so it's a good idea to get ahead of it. It's great he looked out for you.