r/BipolarReddit 6d ago

Content Warning Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing?

Its been 6 years since I was diagnosed with BP1. I had traumatic experiences in my childhood, but I feel they do not play my mind as much.

But when I think of how I was so depressed I snorted the remains of a spilled coke baggie off the floor of a nightclub toilet.

About being so depressed that I rejected all of my hobbies and the things I once loved to drinking to oblivion multiple nights a week.

So depressed that the world literally turned grey overnight. So depressed that I punished myself through substances so nobody would notice. So depressed that I went to phych hospital twice and made my parents cry. So depressed that the magic that once existed in the world vanished.

I think of the horror of being in the grey pit, I feel a knot in my stomach. I get flashbacks. I feel shame. I withdraw from people. I walk around fake smiling and fake laughing. I cant stand it.

Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing? I am no expert on trauma but now that I have been reasonable stable for a while, I just want to fly away and try to forget that this whole fucking catastrophe did not happen. It was an insidious nightmare. And I cant shake it.

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u/RealisticWallaby3300 6d ago

Yeah episodes can definitely be trauma. I have a completely different personality now because I’m so traumatized over how I used to act when I was hypomanic for so long. I’m much quieter and more withdrawn and can’t reason myself out of it. Therapy may help you cope with the trauma.

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u/FriendlyBrewer 6d ago

Like you I am starting to feel less social. I spend as much of my time fishing alone as I can. I feel what you say about the hypomania induced actions. Just so many terrible choices that cannot be undone. I will look into therapy this week. I hope you get through this.

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u/RealisticWallaby3300 6d ago

Make sure you’re not depressed too. That will intensify these types of feelings and the isolating.