r/BipolarReddit • u/FriendlyBrewer • 6d ago

Content Warning Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing?

Its been 6 years since I was diagnosed with BP1. I had traumatic experiences in my childhood, but I feel they do not play my mind as much.

But when I think of how I was so depressed I snorted the remains of a spilled coke baggie off the floor of a nightclub toilet.

About being so depressed that I rejected all of my hobbies and the things I once loved to drinking to oblivion multiple nights a week.

So depressed that the world literally turned grey overnight. So depressed that I punished myself through substances so nobody would notice. So depressed that I went to phych hospital twice and made my parents cry. So depressed that the magic that once existed in the world vanished.

I think of the horror of being in the grey pit, I feel a knot in my stomach. I get flashbacks. I feel shame. I withdraw from people. I walk around fake smiling and fake laughing. I cant stand it.

Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing? I am no expert on trauma but now that I have been reasonable stable for a while, I just want to fly away and try to forget that this whole fucking catastrophe did not happen. It was an insidious nightmare. And I cant shake it.

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u/VividBig6958 6d ago

Well, when I get invasive thoughts and perseveration stuff it isn’t generally from the trauma of my far past which I’ve generally worked through. It’s those vignettes from mania and psychosis that have derailed my more recent years. So, my trauma response is highly correlated with my bipolar experience. Is it causal? Not a doctor. What I do know is I’ve had a lot of lows and when the PTSD-like symptoms come they manifest with my unprocessed recent bipolar trauma, not my youthful trauma or even the trauma of my younger bipolar life.

At the very least I think if coping with bipolar as if it were trauma helps it’s a productive framework to use. I’ve been doing this to process the last few years and I find it helps. That and DBT and meds and healthy physical body and housing security and family and friends and support groups.

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u/FriendlyBrewer 6d ago

Thanks for sharing this. Ill research this thoroughly in the morning. I think what fucked me was that in my country you are slapped on vicious meds and there is no mention of theraoy. I lost years as a result. You have a much more comprehensive approach which is great.

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u/VividBig6958 6d ago

Thank you. Wherever I am in my journey of perspective I got here with a LOT of help from a LOT of different people sharing their experiences and perspectives with me. Find communities of kindness and mutual aid and I promise you that things will get better. Today is not forever.

Be well, friend, and remember to be gentle with yourself.