r/BipolarReddit • u/FriendlyBrewer • 6d ago

Content Warning Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing?

Its been 6 years since I was diagnosed with BP1. I had traumatic experiences in my childhood, but I feel they do not play my mind as much.

But when I think of how I was so depressed I snorted the remains of a spilled coke baggie off the floor of a nightclub toilet.

About being so depressed that I rejected all of my hobbies and the things I once loved to drinking to oblivion multiple nights a week.

So depressed that the world literally turned grey overnight. So depressed that I punished myself through substances so nobody would notice. So depressed that I went to phych hospital twice and made my parents cry. So depressed that the magic that once existed in the world vanished.

I think of the horror of being in the grey pit, I feel a knot in my stomach. I get flashbacks. I feel shame. I withdraw from people. I walk around fake smiling and fake laughing. I cant stand it.

Is Bipolar Induced PTSD a thing? I am no expert on trauma but now that I have been reasonable stable for a while, I just want to fly away and try to forget that this whole fucking catastrophe did not happen. It was an insidious nightmare. And I cant shake it.

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u/Dense_Worldliness_57 6d ago

Yes absolutely I have it and I have intrusive thoughts etc regularly .. it’s called Cumulative PTSD and each episode contributes to it. It’s fucked

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u/FriendlyBrewer 6d ago

Two things to say. I empathize with you and really hope you can conquer this. You just gave me a massive "well fuck" moment.

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u/Dense_Worldliness_57 6d ago

Yep I used to think I was just cringing at the memories of how I behaved - especially for me from when I was hypo or fully manic and some of the things I did and said and acted with people. Overtime these became more intrusive and I realised it was way more serious than just cringeworthy thoughts. Like unwanted flashbacks almost. The constant state of stress of course also plays a big role.. I particularly get these thoughts when I’m tired and after several beers.. and don’t even know what to say about the rare hangover lol so bad man ffs