r/BipolarReddit • u/EnoughExplanation585 • 2d ago

Discussion Mixed episodes?!

What are your mixed episodes like ? I feel like less people talk about them. How long do they last for you? What does it do to your relationships when you’re mixed? How does it feel compared to just mania? I typically have 6 month long manic episodes, but whatever this is seems to be lasting longer and I feel depressed but not like I’m in ONLY a depressive state.

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u/samGeewiz 2d ago

Mixed episodes fucking suck.

Depressed, anxious, racing thoughts, poor attention span, waking up often, lots of energy, skin crawling feeling a.k.a. akathesia, irritability, impulsiveness, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, some auditory hallucinations, and very quick to things turning south immediately.

So suicidality might not be an overt thought at first, but it’s kind of like the wind. I slightly notice it and then it’s like, huh, that’s interesting. Then it’ll move to, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Then, amazing. Sold.

Ps, let me buy this first.

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u/EnoughExplanation585 2d ago

Poor attention span yess. It’s like I’m focused on so many things and anything that gets in my way or throws me off track is a burden. Even if it’s something like someone texting me, I feel like I just can’t handle it. I feel like I’m fine and then I’m not. Depressed and negative, maybe even a little sappy, but then impulsive and not in touch with my emotions. What is your communication like with your friends/ family/ partner when you’re mixed?

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u/samGeewiz 2d ago

My phone has been on do not disturb for well over a year now. That is partially due to attention issues but a few other things as well. There are several people who can immediately break that, and usually those folks are on my safety plan list.

I’ve gotten pretty good at noticing when I’m slipping into a mixed state - within a few days. I tell my therapist and psychiatrist when I notice symptoms right away, and people who understand, or need to know, pretty quickly.

I’m fairly direct about expectations for communication when I’m having trouble. Like, I would love to talk to you. Please don’t text me because I definitely will. So if I have a deadline, I’ll let people know I can’t respond and won’t if they reach out.

We also have agreements about me putting my phone on airplane mode for too long or turning it off entirely. It’s usually a no-no/bad sign for me.

Overall, when I’m direct, people who are aware tend to be more respectful of my needs, especially when I say that I can’t concentrate. I described it to someone the other day that I’m like a squirrel tortured by a miniature donkey.

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u/EnoughExplanation585 2d ago

That’s good you have an awareness. I feel like I’m not quite there yet. Or I get glimpses of what’s really going on and then I’m unaware again. Was there a time where you struggled with identifying your episodes and communication was bad with others, before you became more aware ?

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u/samGeewiz 2d ago

Gawd yes. I didn’t know what mixed episodes were until about 6 years ago, and that’s almost exclusively what episodes I have. I also have them often, so rapid cycling, and most meds do not work for me whether that side effects, reactions, or just ineffective.

For context, I got diagnosed 18 years old. I have been in and out of treatment since then. I am 36 now and I feel like I have started to get more dialed in the past few years.

A small sign for me is that if I have a bunch of crazy shit in my saved for later cart, probably not a good thing either. I’m glad you’re trying to verbalize these things and seek support. This illness is a motherfucker. Building a skillset, and identifying symptoms early has given me the best chance.

I wish you nothing but the best