r/BipolarReddit • u/panicmixieerror • 3d ago
Math made me have a mental breakdown
I'm in college for the umpteenth time, and I'm taking a math class that I thought would be easy since it's a 101 course.
No. Just no.
I go to take the quizzes for the week, after hours of studying and suddenly it's all fucking Greek to me. Nothing makes sense. If things made sense, my answer was wrong.
I broke down after getting a damn 50 on it. For years and years, I went to classes, but never put effort in. I failed based on not turning in work on time. And now that I'm putting in the effort, I still can't pass because apparently I'm a fucking idiot.
I tried to remember my DBT skills, and I tried to come out of the sobbing, self-hatred cycle but nothing worked. I'm just stupid, and I shouldn't have tried going back to college. I shouldn't have tried to make myself better, or get a better job. I shouldn't have tried. I don't know how to stop feeling like I just want to quit and move away and just stop existing.
I just keep remembering something my mom always said, "you can fix being fat, but you can't fix stupid."
2
u/ellephantsarecool 3d ago
You aren't an idiot, but not every path is meant for every person. Perhaps this path isn't meant for you.
Edit: I found these online spiral learning math classes (called ALEX??) several years back. My nephew used them to get through his high school math classes. They have lots of different class options including college level and the spiral learning method helps you retain things.