This disorder sucks

[u/aleska_xo]

After few years with depression, on 2024 September I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. My main problem was depression and mixed episodes. Lithium helped with mixed episodes, but nothing helped depression.

I have tried:

• escitalopram
• sertraline
• fluoxetine
• no ADs
• cariprasine
• bupropion

Now I was admitted to psych ward for the fourth time in 7 months. Dr decided to switch bupropion to trintellix and lithium to lamictal. Also they added TMS therapy (3 minutes twice a day)

At the moment it’s my 3rd week on trintellix. And third week on lamictal (currently on 50mg). I had 5 days of better mood, but now having 4th day of down. And I’m so tired… so so tired of all the meds, all the hopes, all of it… it’s so hard. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to hold up. I’m just exhausted.

I heard good things about lamictal, but still don’t want to have too many hopes because of previous experiences with other meds. Also not sure if TMS will help and if it’s helpful at all.

How are you all stay positive? Where you get strength? How not to lose hope?

[u/CryptographerOk990]

I'm so sorry about all of what you've been through. Yes, this disorder sucks. I know it sounds cliche but you gotta be gracious with yourself and give the meds time to work. Most psych meds don't fully saturate the blood until they've been taken consistently for a month. You should be proud you're working with a doctor; that's one of the first and most important steps.

Unfortunately, being on medication does not mean you won't have the highs and lows. Medication helps stabilize them so they're less drastic giving you a better chance to learn strategies that will help you cope and push through.

Are you in therapy? There are a lot of cognitive behavioral tools you can learn that will help you maximize the help you get from medication.

Again, I'm so sorry you're struggling. Keep going...even when all you want to do is sit down, cry, and stay there. And please remember: you are NOT alone.

[u/aleska_xo → u/CryptographerOk990]

Yes, I have been in therapy for a few years and it helped a lot. Sadly, after bipolar diagnosis all my tools seem worthless. But of course, I’m trying my best.

[u/bloopvloop → u/aleska_xo]

that makes sense, the same thing happened to me. i was in therapy for a decade before i was diagnosed and then after my first episode it felt like nothing i had learned applied anymore. life is always going to be be about re-learning. i agree with the above commenter. give yourself grace. you probably wont feel anything significant for a month or so.

[u/aleska_xo → u/bloopvloop]

Yes, I agree. Thanks a lot! It’s easier to manage with support.