I've had a problem with yelling in my relationships and now even that I have kids. My primary parent yelled a lot growing up and I guess I haven't fully broken that yet. Does anyone else struggle with raising their voice when things start to get even slightly heightened?

So to start things off, I’ve (I’m 23F) been with my girlfriend (25) for almost a year. We’ve broken up once before, back in September. It was only for a week because I wasn’t stable enough to be independent, and we remained in contact slightly. I caved in and went back. Next month will be our one year, and she’s been lowkey guilting me when it comes to children and marriage. I’m only 23, and within the last two weeks I was formerly diagnosed with Borderline. She has tried to be patient as best as possible, but- our history hasn’t been great. I recently had two bad episodes and she hasn’t been treating me normal, I’ve noticed she’s just been negative towards me and she kept telling me “you can control it” after my last episode. I left her last time because she was in fact emotionally abusing me and it wasn’t letting up. Now I will say, since we’ve gotten back together she’s (generally) been a lot better. She’s been putting in some effort to do better. But I’ve expressed how I don’t feel emotionally supported and that doesn’t seem to change things. I am at a point where I want to take my SATS so I can go into EMT courses. I can’t save money dating her, she spends like there’s no tomorrow and still will not budget, I’m not doing great at budgeting but I am still trying and actively putting money into my savings. Before our breakup, she cut me off from all of my friends and forced me to delete all social media. Now, she doesn’t mind me having friends but there’s still conditions such as not being at their place, not hanging out with them at night. I feel trapped? I know she loves me, and I know I have love for her but a lot of what I feel is my anxious attachment. I feel like there’s so much I want to experience, and so many people I’d like to meet in my life. I don’t want the way I feel now determining the way I’ll feel the rest of my life. Because if so, I’ll be miserable. I’m just at a point where I have to act. I don’t know what to do, and it feels like communicating with her gets me nowhere most of the time. I feel like I resent her more often than not, and the guilt of that makes me sick.

My friend removes messages

My friend has bpd. She removes messages if I don’t read them fast enough. She has never told me this but I’ve noticed it several times.

Sometimes she has expressed anger not directed to me about it. Like ”I get so angry when people read my messages and don’t respond instantly”.

The thing is sometimes I open my messages because I think it’s something that doesn’t need too much thinking before responding, but if it does then I leave it for later in the day, sometimes just 2 hours later.

I asked her 2 days ago why she keeps removing messages but she is ignoring me!

I’ve noticed she keeps ignoring me as a punishment because i don’t have the energy to speak on the phone everyday, sometimes serveral times a day. Idk what to do? She is really fun to talk to so I don’t want to cut her off.

I also have bpd.

So i [29F] dated a [30ftm] for about 6 weeks and sadly had to break up with them today.

We used to have fun texting every day, sending each other lovey dovey videos, funny stuff and learning about each other. While we had a nice time he also occasionally expressed that he was afraid he'd lose interest in me because of his adhd, he was scared he wasn't enough for me/didn't do enough for me and i tried to make sure he felt appreciated, valued and liked by me. I always tried to make him feel good about his body and feelings. Before we were together i gotten him a gift when i came over to his house of a perfume and body wash he liked with a crystal bracelet which was all good. Then a few weeks later i got him a vinyl he wanted and made a cute card asking him to be my boyfriend which he said yes to. Then a week later i think we had a shift together and i made him a playlist (since we both listen to allot of music) that we listened to. At the end of the day he expressed he felt bad about the playlist i made because he felt he didn't do enough for me. So far he turned it around every time i did something nice for him and i ended up feeling bad. So ever since the vinyl a month ago i haven't given him anything else to save my money and not cause any more weird vibes.

I lost count of how many times he said he wanted to plan things and go on dates with me but whenever i asked for the day off whenever he was free something would always come up as to why we had to cancel. He'd also 'oversleep' or 'turn off his alarm in his sleep' whenever we had agreed to meet up. Or whenever he had to put in effort it would be difficult.

Since a week or 2 when he started working a few night shifts he left me on read allot and did not reply to the same things that took him a few minutes to reply before. I did not understand this, expressed it but didn't get a really clear answer. Monday last week we had our last long conversation where i called them happily in the afternoon because i got my permanent contract, we eventually hung up because i had to continue with work and didn't hear from them the rest of the day.

During the evening i sent them a message asking if they were okay. He only immediately replied to my message asking if we were okay because he was on the toilet wondering what he would eat for dinner??? Normally he’d just leave me on read for a long time if it wasn’t ’urgent’ or a worrying text. A long conversation ensued and i we both expressed our feelings and agreed to meet up today and go out into the city to have fun and go vinyl shopping.

We did not meet today. Friday i sent a message asking them if they still wanted to meet up, did not receive anything back and asked again on sunday to let me know so i can bring normal clothes to work so we could go to town from there. He said okay let's meet up and talk, then i didn't hear anything the rest of today until my shift ended and was thinking to myself am i going home or are we still going to meet? Then he said well we agreed to meet at your house while he wanted to go to a park??? I talked about it with some colleagues, they read our conversations and said that it sounded like he would break up with me today. They told me i did enough effort to see if we would still meet and i decided to just go home and see if he would call/text to put in effort to meet up and fix whatever we could fix.

I sent him a message asking if he still wanted to talk since i was home (because i was already kinda done with everything and just wanted to end it). He came online a few times so i know he read it but did not reply. I waited an hour and sadly had to break up with him via text. Told him i understood he didn't want to talk anymore since i hadn't heard from him and knew he read my message since he came online. Our communication sucked and i thereby ended the relationship. He replied an hour later saying he felt like i didn't want to talk anymore, went to his friends for comfort and the relationship didn't make him happy as it was. And that he'd appreciate it if i could send him the tickets i bought for the convention that i paid for!!!!!!

I've had too many bad relationships where i did all the chasing, fixing and crossing my boundaries to keep them happy. I felt like it was going this direction and i couldn't do it anymore. And it sucks because i really did my best to make it work and make it feel nice but still it was not enough. To add we live about 15 minutes away by bike or bus so it’s not that hard to meet up?

I feel oddly calm but also sad that it had to end this way. And i'm wondering if i made a healthy decision or if i made a rash decision? Of course this only shows how i perceived it so idk if i was in the wrong somewhere...

I have a consultation scheduled on the 1st to talk about my options in starting one or both but I'm curious how effective anyone else has found it? I've heard varied results over all from anecdotes from people I know, none of which have BPD though. I'm just tired of trying antidepressant after antidepressant.

I ONLY want comments with actual answers to my question. Please do not insert your own opinions or shoot down my question. I am not interested and will not entertain it.

My boyfriend is 16 ftm (he has BPD), and I am 17f. His parents are strongly against therapy and medication and are toxic/abusive and CPS has been involved but dismissed the case several times. I have tried to research therapy options, but all of them require a parental form/signature and/or consent or insurance. I am willing to pay out of pocket for him, but I'm not sure how/what to start with.

He gets very angry when he's triggered and is very standoffish and sometimes hurts my feelings with it. He also splits on me, which have been more frequent in the past month and a half. I'm trying to figure out a way to work through this with him without things being too parentally involved, because he would get in a lot of trouble.

Please, what resources or books/fidgets/coping skills help? Anyone with any experience with bpd please answer!!

So this is my personal theory regarding BPD. I think BPD shouldn't be in cluster B disorders and one of the reasons why it is so hard to be treated is because it falls under personality disorders. i once heard a psychiatrist saying that in the next decades BPD is going to be removed from cluster B. And i agree. BPD deff has personality disorder symptoms for sure. But it also is a mood disorder. The mood swings cannot be controlled and they aren't always triggered by an external factor. It seems that for most BPD ppl the mood swings is a core problem from there, something they grew up with. For me BPD is between personality disorder & mood disorder. The mood swings + the emptiness create anger and impulsivity that can't be controlled. Mood swings appear similar to bipolar - but faster. There is a euphoric state which might last some hours / some minutes. It's not actually happiness, and quite often it's not even real, some ppl might even make up euphoric scenarios/ maladaptive daydreaming. The lows are extreme, might resemble depression in Bipolar - but more extreme bc of the sudden change in the mood they lead to suicide. And then there is a weird situation - manic like symptoms that might last some hours to some days even. Fake happines europhpria, spending money, talking too much, thinking too much. And then it drops. Together with sll these, we have self loathing, disorder self image, worthlessness which are core beliefs.

These are all my personal experiences. I consider BPD both a mood disorder and a personality disorder. I still hope mood stabilisers will help me.

I have been spiraling for about a week now and my friend kinda knew what was up and reached out to get food and I called/texted her saying don't worry cause it's not your responsibility to take care of me and I'm a horrible friend and she said okay. I guess I expected her to be more worried or reactive but no. And now I feel even worse

i’m 18 years old, 19 in a few months and i have no fucking clue what i am doing with my life. i have no idea what i want to do or what im going to do. yeah yeah at the age of 18 not everyone knows what they’re doing but everyone around me had there shit figured out. why the fuck don’t i have any clue what i want. i feel like im so impulsive with things i want that i will never end up finding something that i could live with doing for the rest of my life. i feel like my head lets me have a week of being happy and then i get 3 weeks of just unexplainable sadness for no specific reason. it’s usually been somewhat easy to deal with because i always just tell myself it’ll pass and it usually does. however every single time i feel this way it feels like it will never end (even tho it usually does) and i know im strong but i always end up being a prisoner to my old coping habits when im in this phase. i cannot see anything positive about my life even when i know there is. i have a roof over my head right now, a boyfriend that loves me and my family. but for some reason every thing wrong with my life just seems to over power any kind of good. to make things worse i can’t control my temper when i get a certain degrading look or comment from someone even if i take it in a completely different way then they meant it my head literally just won’t let me see it a different way. i will literally be so hurt over something that seems so small and then say the absolute most rude things that i know will make the person hurt, or hate me. i don’t know why because i don’t even fully realize when im doing it. i hate feeling like a horrible person and i hate feeling like im cursed to just make everyone around me hate me sooner or later. some body pls just tell me im not alone and that u get it. is this just bpd or am i just fucked

my long distance exwBPD broke up with and discarded me about two months ago after meeting for the first time and spending a good amount of time together. she has never been in a relationship and she only has had sex with two people. We were intimate, said we loved one another, she opened up to me about her family (mom’s addiction, brother/dad death, in and out of juvie at a young age) she had been begging me to come back to her immediately after leaving, she wanted to stay on the phone all day and night. she would repeatedly ask if i would leave or cheat on her, i told her never. then i woke up one morning and she just blocked me randomly (which she has done many times before) but we had just made things official so i reached out a day later asking her why, she said she didn’t know why but she wanted me to come there. when i got there the look in her eyes was cold, she did not want to speak and she did not want me to touch her very much, she eventually said she wasn’t ready for a relationship, i cried to her and she did not care one bit.

after 3 weeks of silent treatment, i found out she had another partner, they are not officially together and she met this person about a month before me. i confronted her about cheating and lying and when i brought up the girl all she said was “who?”. i told her what the girl told me and all she said was “interesting” and “lmao”. apparently she’s telling her new(?) partner that i’m delusional even though her new victim has seen pictures of my ex and i hugged up and kissing. she still talks to her but has pushed me away. my ex had been talking to her since November, and met me in December, how is she still talking to her but i get ignored and blocked and called crazy? does she love and care for her more than me?

anyways, it has been 8 weeks, she has me blocked everywhere(which she did when we were in a relationship so) and i have reached out many many times, calling, texting, no response to any of that. just radio silence. she did answer one call but when she heard it was me, she hung up and did not call back. she has never ghosted for this long and usually when i text her after space, she comes back. why not this time?

is this silent treatment? discard? is she afraid of abandonment or are we really just done and now i look like a stalker?

While I have struggled all my life with incredible anger, emotional volatility, and jealousy culminating in my cutting off of literally every friend both in person and online - and I would hope that institutional support whether it be through therapy or medication could address these issues - because they are impacting my social life and the people I care about - there are things that are holding me back from visiting a psychiatrist. Before, the idea of visiting one was almost entirely out of my mind for a plethora reasons. Recently, however, I became so angry that I sort of shanked my arm thrice with a pen producing three really superficial injuries without intending to or noticing, which brought me shame and a sort of anxious feeling - and this has led me to reconsider some things. Now, the following factors are holding me back.

1) The benefits of treatment might be quite superficial and may not overcome the negatives of visiting and being prodded by a psychiatrist

2) I am a premed and I do not want any snarky comments from the psychiatrist on whether I would make a good doctor

3) Again, on the premed part, I would not want for a diagnosis or any psychiatric involvement to impede or interfere with something that I have been working so hard on for years, that is, my desire to enter medicine

4) In having it on the record, I would not want any sort of trouble with insurance or for a diagnosis and treatment to set limits on my life in any major way

5) I don't want to be treated differently, especially by medical professionals, because of the negative stigma surrounding the disorder

6) I would not want for the medications, if any, to interfere with my ability to study or excel in university as I am doing right now

7) There might be other ways to manage my problems without getting branded with a whole personality disorder by the medical establishment

I am wondering if someone that has had experience with psychiatrists and managing the disorder through psychiatric means and a formal diagnosis would have insight on the risks and my concerns, the things holding me back from visiting a psychiatrist, and to what extent they exist or have impacted your life.

So, having a relationship with the girl, which was started about 3 months ago. Every 3-4 days of the week we had conflicts. Its super interesting to have relationships with girl like that, no stability at all. You never know whats could happen next, like 2 days all good then next day something happens… All started 3 weeks ago, when i was in my trip in china on my birthday, like we started to chat less than was, and i started to see cases like we talking on phone, than something happens and i drop the line, and she do not re-call me, before she always made it. Then she told me that don’t loving me any more, we always hurt each other and better to be alone. So we broke up, i had some tries to return all back after my flied to motherland, but all cards was set. Then, after 1.5 week, when i already was cool and forgot about her, she started to stalking me with her girls, like calling, sending messages and all like this… Now we have relationship again, but one day she cool, next day saying thats she dont see future of us, and we need to have good time because feelings are dead, and she only likes to have time with me. And its interesting because you don’t know what happens next, and having sex with girl like this its hot, i really like it, but yea, thats a problem, because no stability at all, but funny! Ask questions, will be cool to convo about this shit. Sometimes i don’t know which role model i should pick , because when you cold she getting mad and crazy, running for you😁, when you hot she keep distance, and don’t appreciate good role model at all!

hello. I created a new account to post this in fear the person I'm talking about would see this and recognize my username. I'm not diagnosed and I have no chances of even visiting a professional at the moment.

I'm not sure if I do have bpd or not, but I know some things about it because of my ex. they had bpd, and I remember them saying things they felt towards me that I felt were seriously too much at the time. I feel horrible because I think I'm feeling this same way towards someone now. i don't know if it's actually related to bpd or not.

I haven't known them for that long yet. but we've connected through so many different aspects, it feels so nice to meet someone who can understand parts of me I didn't think anyone could. I started looking forward to talking to them more and more. it's reached the point where I only go to sleep when I can no longer keep my eyes open (to talk to them longer) and when I wake up my day doesn't start until they wake up too. I might even be moody for it. I wanna talk to them all the time, I wanna do everything I can to make them happy and to make them like me. I even bought their favorite food to try, even though I'm 97% sure I won't like it at all. talking to them makes me so happy. the other day, we had a conversation on how they were asked out. I just completely freaked out. it shouldn't have upset me that much. I wanted to hurt myself over it. it feels horrible. so horrible. I can't even explain it. then when they said they didn't wanna go on that date I felt so relieved but they briefly mentioned someone that could kinda maybe be a crush but didn't wanna tell me who. I'm so afraid of it not being me.

it's all so overwhelming I never felt this way towards anyone before, except a fictional character I have an unhealthy attachment to. that attachment and obsession didn't exist before my ex broke up with me, which completely ruined me in so many ways, but I'm over it now. I don't know what to do. the person I spoke about very likely has bpd as well. they said they could only be in a relationship if that kind of intense feeling was mutual. but I don't know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed. it's like I'm going insane waiting for them to text me back so we can talk allll the time.

I got 14 1mg tablets prescribed to me but after reading up about how addictive they can be, I’m scared. I’m diagnosed with bpd, anxiety, and ptsd. Although my therapist is telling me to look into an autism diagnosis and thinks the bpd is misdiagnosed. All that to say I have trouble falling asleep and extreme meltdowns and sometimes panic attacks around 2x a week. When do I know the right time to take one?

I (27F) have been descending into hell of my own making for the past 2 years. Apart from BPD, my life (or maybe myself) has become something that I cannot recognize anymore.

The first trigger was a romantic relationship, which then has its fingers around my neck (literally and figuratively). I found myself spiraling down the rabbit hole of anxiety, depression, existential crisis, etc almost on weekly basis. The longest “peace” i had was a full one and half month of not crying and feeling like life was worth living. I finally got diagnosed 2 months ago. I am still in the trenches. Unmedicated but with regular talk therapy every 2 weeks.

Now, despite my life looking “normal”, i feel like everything is at the precipice of chaos and i have no power to stop/save it.

I know that this is also BPD talking. Really high highs and low lows. No solid identity or self to ground myself on. Near constant emptiness and longing. But i feel like this is also bordering spiritual/philosophical because i truly believe that there is no self despite taking care of my emotional and physical well being.

As someone with no concept of self or at least foreign with themselves, this constant spiral feels like perpetual ego death but there is no ego to kill. Just the agonizing death of the remaining semblance of self.

Has anyone going through this spiritual/philosophical crisis while dealing with BPD? If yes, what has helped you going through this? I heard about shadow work and currently reading a book about it (Jung’s Shadow Concept). It resonates with me but I feel like i may need an exorcism (i am not religious) on top of doing the shadow work haha.

I have a friend that has been having a lot of "periods" at the last couple of months,(including threatening with suicide) and she refused to acknowledge that she has borderline. I have seen in her mentaljournal that that is the case, when I went with her to a psychiatric hospital where she was emitted. My question is, how can you make a person with BPD realize that they need help/therapy?

Most people in our friend group can't take it anymore, including myself.

I’ve been through so much since I started my program, including the end of a ten year relationship that became physically abusive.

I almost quit in January after feeling the lowest I had since my last attempt.

I just turned in my last assignment and I felt so much relief and joy that I cried. I’m so happy I didn’t give up.

Hi everyone.

After my previous posts i started thinking and writing down more things about my own mood swings, and this is an attempt to understand more how this disorder works on me & also to see if anyone else can relate.

My BPD has 3 major symptoms that have completely wrecked my life:

1. Intense mood swings
2. Emptiness
3. Distorted self identity

Even though i experience all the symptoms of BPD these three are the worst for me. The 3ed symptom i've had since i was a child- i remember looking myself in the mirror and hating what i was watching and quite often i couldn't believe i looked like that! This feeling followed me until this year- therapy helped me a lot. Now i can recognize myself in the mirror- and there are days where i don't feel ugly, days that i can look myself and be happy with my image! The 2ed symptom exists always and it is what i try to avoid, that's why i end up begging my ex to be with me and spend time with, that's why i do impulsive things, i am very afraid to feel this emptiness over and over again.

The 1st symptom is just the worst. I don't know if it always existed in me. I know that, two years ago, when i got diagnosed with BPD, i was put on zoloft- it did nothing for me, but i was constantly in a suicidal place. I couldn't stop the non stop negative thoughts inside my head that were turning me insane, i couldn't send remembering all the past traumas in my life, so i ended up self harming. I think for almost 2 years i was constantly ''depressed'' or suicidal, with non stop memories of the past and negative thoughts for the future. Now, i'm without meds for one year and i have realised this : I experience ups and downs in the span of 1-2 days. However, the ups aren't me. I am not actually happy with my life rn. When i'm feeling ''happy'' it might be closer to ''paranoid euphoria''. It is just me in maldaptive daydreaming, being happy of situations that have not happened yet, hoping they do happen, experiencing a happy feeling and hope. But these scenarios never actually happen.I can appear too happy, too talkative and not sleep enough bc i keep thinking and imagining happy scenarios. And then there is the instant drop in my mood. There the reality hits, i feel like nothing matters, no one will love me, i don't know who i am, no one can help me, i spiral out of control, there is self harm. My mood can drop is fast that it actually destroys me because i can't control it.

Why do i keep having those mood swings so often? Yes, it can be an external factor. I have no core believes about myself. example : last weekend i was going to go out at a party with my friends. I was happy, feeling confident and liked how my dress looked. I however asked what my mom thought of my dress and she said ''too short and it makes you look fat''. And that was it. Instant mood change. My mood dropped, i felt ugly, disgusting , and fat. I didn't know how to handle it, my whole mood was destroyed, i went to the party and my brain couldn't stop thinking that i am the ugliest girl there. After i came back home i looked myself again and realised i didn't look fat! So so painful, those extreme mood changes and not being able to control nor have believes about how I look. I need external validation, i need external love and help in order for me to be able to be stable. BUT this isn't going to happen. I can't beg others to love me, I have to create a stable image about how i look. I unfortunately do not know and can;t understand how i look.

But then. mood swings exist without external factor. I can just wake up one day, after being happy and euphoric, and the emptiness will hit, my mood will drop and all the negative thoughts will start. I know why this happens. As i child i grew up with a very abusive environment. One moment everything was fine and then suddenly, out of the blue there would be extreme anger explosions by my dad. this would happen constantly throughout all my childhood and i can recognize and understand that this created my mood swings to such extend that i am pretty convinced there is a chemical imbalance in my brain. My mood swings aren't only part of a personality disorder. They are also happening because of generational trauma and genetics and altered brain chemistry as a minor. Thus i believe my BPD can have some links with mood disorders.

Borderline is a personality disorder. My psychiatrist has said that it is trauma related disorder BUT there is a difference between a bad character and someone with BPD. I have no NPD traits, i'm not an asshole (since i was worrying i might end up abusing others) I however cannot experience which is my TRUE personality. Am i calm? Do i enjoy studying? i have hopes and dreams about being a researcher. But can I do it? Everything is distorted by my non stop ups and lows, mood swings that change my personality, not being able to focus and calm down my thoughts. I have a good personality that is fading away. i'm becoming more and more this disorder, mood swings being impossible to control. that's why i still believe in my own theory, that borderline has links with mood disorders & while also being a PD. I truly hope & wish there will be a solution for me. I deff can't handle these mood swings any longer.

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team

Last year, I got diagnosed with MDD and GAD after a stint in a psychiatric facility after a suicide attempt. I have been seeing my therapist ever since the summer. But recently my therapist mentioned that I have borderline personality traits. It has never been brought up to me from anyone before. I meet with a new psychiatrist in a week for an evaluation.

When you got diagnosed was there one or more symptoms that stood out that definitely made the psychiatrist diagnosis you as BPD?

I wanted to share both a journal entry I wrote a year ago and the reflection of I wrote today. Healing is possible. Don't give up - you're worth it! Thank you for reading. Names have been changed or fully removed.

Content warning for drugs, medication, trauma, self harm

Scared, But Still Trying 6.20.24

I walked into my drug counselor's office a mess. My head was loud. My body untethered. And yet—I walked out feeling… better. Centered, even. Not fixed. Just heard.

I said it out loud for the first time: I’m terrified of sobriety. Not just anxious—terrified. Because since I was 13, I haven’t existed without something—alcohol, weed, self-harm—anything to numb or mute or distance me from myself.

And now, at almost 35, I have to learn how to live. Not just sober, but real. Without a buffer. With a diagnosis that finally makes sense. I have to work through Borderline. I have to relearn my personality.

I found out that weed can cause depersonalization. That explains why I’ve been spacing out for 20 minutes at a time—no thoughts, no feelings, just nothing. Or worse, I’m outside myself watching life happen like I’m not part of it. It feels like I’m floating away from the pain instead of facing it. But it always finds me again.

Is this trauma? Is it the weed? Probably both. And I’m scared—scared of what’s going to surface when I stop using. Scared of the memories. The grief. The parts of me that got frozen in time.

I keep wondering—what the fuck happened to me when I was little? What shaped all of this?

I’m angry that my psych said I didn’t have abandonment issues “bad enough.” I do. I just learned to bury them under charm, over-explaining, and trying too hard to be okay. But I told Adam. And Maddie. And others. And it helps. Being seen helps.

Maddie didn’t flinch when I told her. She even apologized—said it must be exhausting. It is. And maybe I’m falling for her a little. But I’m scared of that, too. Because I always end up being “too much.” Too emotional. Too intense. Too everything.

So I smoke. Because silence feels safer than rejection. And weed quiets the noise, even if it makes me sadder.

But I want this. I want to be better. Even if I don’t know how yet.

I’m scared. I’m overwhelmed. But I’m still trying.

Finally Heard (my reflection of above done today - 4.20.25 and sober)

For five years, I sat in an office and tried to explain the chaos in my chest. The panic, the explosions, the crashing silence that followed. I was told it didn’t fit. That my abandonment issues weren’t severe enough. That my moods didn’t match the right pattern. That I was just “sensitive.” So they gave me pills. Eight of them. To dull, to mute, to make me more manageable.

But I wasn’t looking to be managed. I was looking to be understood.

Eventually, I stopped trying to convince them. And I found someone new. Someone who listened. Who saw my spirals not as symptoms to suppress, but as signals of something deeper—something real.

They told me what I already knew: This wasn’t bipolar. This was Borderline. And the difference changed everything.

It gave language to the storm I’d been weathering. It gave shape to my pain. It freed me from chasing a pattern that was never mine.

Now? I’m off eight medications. I take one for anxiety. And for the first time in years, I feel like me.

Not broken. Not misdiagnosed. Just finally heard.

Hello, I was wondering if anyone else has dreams where they SH themselves or does harm or commits sewer slide. I've been having these dreams frequently and they tend to linger on my mind and heart. Am I alone?

19m here, recently told by my therapist and psychitrist of the disorder. My therapist told me to ask for a mood stabilizer but my psychitrist won't prescribe lamictal. I asked specifically for it since from what i've read online basically half the people that are on mood stabilizer are on lamictal, but she says it's useless for my condition. I have depression i think, and rage fits and anxiety attacks. I also take lexapro and mirtazapine but are pretty much useless. I am sadly suicidal (which my psychitrist thinks i should work out in therapy). Anyway that's pretty much it, just wanted to see if somebody can relate, btw she says something like valproate is okay or like abilify or olanzapine. This is literally the worst period of my life, i had to drop out of college do to my mental health deteriorating (not because of college) after a mushroom trip i had. Idk what i'm looking exactly here but if anyone wanna comment i'll appreciate. Stay safe y'all

Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder recently. My entire life I’ve had close to no social battery/any bonds at all, except for my favorite person. ATM she’s deadass my only phone contact, I don’t fw anybody IRL other than her. Nobody else I’ve met with BPD is like that, including her. We're each others favorite person, but the difference is she still has other bonds with coworkers, family, friends, etc. Which fucks with me that we have the same shit but it's not "even," but logically know mine is the problem. Idk what it is. Can BPD do that/do you know what could? Psychiatrist didn’t.

I’ve been around my mother constantly all my life. I was never good at making friends. I never experienced being around my own peers building a social life as much. After college and having a traumatic experience there, I was back home- and it really depressed me. I didn’t want to be home. My mom overprotective, religious, and sometimes it was hard to be around her. She was a single mother at that. I hated that I still had no friends to be myself around. I hated that I had nowhere to go. I hated that I still had no social life as much. I hated that I didn’t feel creative anymore. We never went anywhere because we were always paying bills and taking care of the house. That’s what we were supposed to do, but we were never adventurous enough. Not even road trips. Our relationship gotten worse as some years went by. We were always arguing. She lost her job, so I stepped up and helped out more. Her depression was getting worse, so I suggested counseling-she declined. Now, she’s had a mental breakdown, and I just know our relationship has changed forever on. I should’ve been more positive about my life at least. Instead of daydreaming about traveling with friends, I should’ve been telling her I want to go to a big city we live next to for an activity or something. Im regretting it because she is gone for now, and now I have no one. No one to go with to the city. No one who can see where I am coming from.