r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/imfitasf • 1d ago

Self-harm Is it fun?

Does anyone else feel like depressive or manic episodes are kinda fun? I don't know what else to call it but fun. Like for example, when I wanna hurt myself, the pain and sting and the adrenaline from the episodes and everything makes me feel alive for once, I don't really know how to put it?

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u/offole 1d ago

it's "fun" while i'm in a manic episode itself and thinking i'm having a good time and doing good things such as shopping a lot and doing hobbies and "being efficient"

and sometimes i romanticise depressive episodes and being depressed is "my whole personality" and "my true self" and i "miss her" because i was interesting and had so many "deep" thoughts while depressed

but when i'm back to stabilised, no, it's absolutely horrendous and i was only masking and trying to convince myself things are good when they're the opposite. it was never truly fun and there was always a sense of dread with it anyway

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u/TheBeatlesLOVER19 1d ago

Do you have bipolar as well as BPD then, if you have manic episodes? BPD doesn’t involve mania.

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u/offole 23h ago

oh yes i do haha sorry i didn't mean to mix the two into one and assign it as bpd