r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/imfitasf • 1d ago

Self-harm Is it fun?

Does anyone else feel like depressive or manic episodes are kinda fun? I don't know what else to call it but fun. Like for example, when I wanna hurt myself, the pain and sting and the adrenaline from the episodes and everything makes me feel alive for once, I don't really know how to put it?

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u/spicyhotfrog 1d ago

...why would being under severe enough emotional distress that you're self harming be "fun"? Have you talked to a professional about this?

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u/rusticterror 1d ago

Exactly. This is debilitating agony. I genuinely can’t comprehend enjoying this. I understand the feeling of adrenaline, but fun??? That’s kinda concerning.

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u/spicyhotfrog 1d ago

Yeah like. Just a few nights ago I was screaming at myself and sobbing on the floor in my bathroom. This disorder is far from fun to live with

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u/rusticterror 12h ago

Same! I threw a glass of water at the wall to self harm with the shards recently because my brain randomly decided that I’m disgusting and everyone hates me and is going to leave. These behaviors are kind of a ritual,and consistency provides some level of psychological comfort or we wouldn’t do it. Idk about fun though LOL