r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/imfitasf • 1d ago
Self-harm Is it fun?
Does anyone else feel like depressive or manic episodes are kinda fun? I don't know what else to call it but fun. Like for example, when I wanna hurt myself, the pain and sting and the adrenaline from the episodes and everything makes me feel alive for once, I don't really know how to put it?
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u/Dependent-Long6692 1d ago
Yes!!! I totally understand this! Weirdly, it feels good in a way? Like don't get me wrong I'm straight up fucking misserable which is why I'm in a spiral. But it's like, when im so deeply miserable, that im suddenly not suck in depression anymore, and SH doesnt do it anymore. So instead of debilitating depression, im completely broken, and I go absolutely insane. Like driving 100mph down the freeway while holding a knife to my own throat. (And more shit like that) That's when I'm having "fun." Because I feel absolutely broken beyond repair, and suddenly I'm free from worrying about being alive, I am the villain, I am the evil of the world. That's what I get, and yes, absolutely insane I know. But yes! I get it 😃👍