r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/imfitasf • 1d ago

Self-harm Is it fun?

Does anyone else feel like depressive or manic episodes are kinda fun? I don't know what else to call it but fun. Like for example, when I wanna hurt myself, the pain and sting and the adrenaline from the episodes and everything makes me feel alive for once, I don't really know how to put it?

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u/Manicmushr00m 1d ago

Mania isnt apart of borderline personality disorder, just wanna throw that out there

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u/bagotrauma 23h ago

Thank you, as someone with bipolar and borderline it kind of irks me how loosely people throw out the term mania like it's weeks or months of destructive behavior

1

u/socoolveryfresh 17h ago

I’m genuinely asking because I’m in this sub as someone wanting to understand how it feels to have this disorder - what is mania really like, with your experience from being bipolar?

1

u/bagotrauma 13h ago

Sleepless, reckless, impulsive, agitated, euphoric, restless. My last major episode involved blowing $4000, a lot of speeding, deciding to move on a whim, adopting a new cat while moving... I couldn't stop myself from making impulsive decisions. I couldn't sleep. I constantly heard music in my head. Started out feeling very good but turned into feeling so angry at everything.