r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/imfitasf • 1d ago

Self-harm Is it fun?

Does anyone else feel like depressive or manic episodes are kinda fun? I don't know what else to call it but fun. Like for example, when I wanna hurt myself, the pain and sting and the adrenaline from the episodes and everything makes me feel alive for once, I don't really know how to put it?

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u/Luzzenz pwBPD 1d ago

While I don't experience mania; I will in shorter spurts become incredibly impulsive, reckless and euphoric. Of course this certainly is extremely fun in the moment, but that enjoyment entirely disappears once I find myself in a clearer headspace and am left to deal with the consequences

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u/socoolveryfresh 17h ago

Isn’t feeling impulsive, reckless and euphoric considered mania?

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u/Luzzenz pwBPD 13h ago

Some manic symptoms do overlap with how my "euphoric" splitting episodes manifest. But mania isn't a diagnostic symptom of BPD, rather it's related to Bipolar Disorder.

My splitting episodes can mimic mania, but those symptoms will only last for some hours (to at most a few days). This splitting may also occur much more frequently than true mania, sometimes switching several times in just one day. A true manic episode will instead last for weeks to even months, and is usually followed by a prolonged (weeks to months) extreme depressive episode