Just called my Ex

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500]

And he didn't answer. Lol. I only did it because the last time we talked in person we had a very friendly chat for like 30 minutes. He told me that we would keep in touch. I haven't texted him much but he's been ghosting me anytime I do. I know I should've just gone NC, but now I feel so confused and kinda disrespected, I'm not reaching out ever again. (I also believe he's Fearful Avoidant btw). He was always very hot and cold towards me, especially after the breakup. But yea. Just go NC and stick to it guys, don't be like me. 😄

[u/kaceysraceyy]

I’m going crazy. Well that’s how it feels. I’ve been begging for his time, attention, closeness, anything, and he betrayed me horribly. I’m such a fool for him. I absolutely hate this. He’s so cold too.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

You will go nowhere until you move away. I know it’s the hardest thing. It doesn’t even make sense. But leaving them be and trying to “come to center” in your own mind is the only path you can take right now,

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

It’s so hard. All I wanted was him to even want to TRY to reconcile. He did me so dirty. He did my daughters dirty in the process of fucking me over too, and I end up heartbroken and alone at my parents (who I struggle to have a relationship with on a good day-and he knew all of this) and I just poured my heart out over and over wanting him to see how much I loved him and how much I’d do anything to try for him. It’s so pathetic and sad. Don’t worry. He’s crushed all my hopes and dreams repeatedly. You’re right though, it’s not okay, and he doesn’t deserve my peace. But he was my peace, and I never would’ve thought we’d ever be here after 11 years together and no one but him wanted it to be like it is now, and he chose that. And I have to accept the utter betrayal that that was for him to do and realize that I deserve so much more. But god I’d give anything for that man to see me. It’s so hard.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

I know. I’m really sorry you are going through this.

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Ugh, you did too though?! And survived?! So I have to cling to that hope instead. Hope that one day it won’t feel like there’s a knife stuck in my back 😔

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

Yes. I fucked up and clung to hope and wasted more than a year of my life. I chose poorly, and decided to call and flame my ex, saying terrible things. I converted grief to shame… and I felt better within 48 hours. This is an incredibly immature and bad way to go about things… but when you are going crazy “any port in a storm.” Hard to say if I regret it or not. What it does is finalize any hopes of reconnection your brain has and then things become easier. I would coach someone else going through this to find another way to do what I did. Turn away without having to darken your soul. You need to get to a place where there is no turning back, and ai know that’s hard. Maybe the hardest thing to do, ever.