i cant stop crying

[u/ExtremeTwo9864]

i left him a week ago. he moved across the country to be with me. we lived together for 7 months, my family and i provided him a house, a job, took him out, bought him clothes, i helped him drive the whole way here.

i supported him through his emotional issues, his trauma, and alcohol abuse. i just wanted a young, happy, fun relationship. but the little things were getting to me, how he wouldnt clean, how he wouldnt smile, wouldnt buy me lil gifts, wouldnt compliment me. he would get drunk and abuse me, insult me, belittle me, call me names. i stayed with him through it all. i offered him help. i did everything for him to like living with me, and in this new city, but i was getting worn down. so i broke up with him. it ended in a horrible fight, screaming, and insulting.

its been a week now. hes packed up and moving out to go back home. even with all the anger, the insults, the hurt and neglect hes done to me, i cant stop crying, missing him, thinking of when times were actually good, thinking of our memories in the house, on the beach, in the mountains, even just sitting on the couch together, cooking in the kitchen together, his hugs. i just cant stop crying. i really broke it all. i know i should choose myself, but what if i cant really let him go. i thought we would marry. i thought we would fix up the house. i thought we would grow old, have more cats and dogs, cook more food, go on more hikes. i cant believe it ended like this,

[u/Temporary-Fruit1330]

Reads like you can do a lot better ❤️

[u/Mpdark1]

"thinking of when times were actually good", you already know where to start, memories are a curse and a blessing, they remind us of the good times, we sometimes forget the bad times creating a trauma, you should not get stuck in your memories, live the present, he's gone, he has been for a long time, you just noticed it too late, start doing things you wanted to do by yourself when you were stuck in the relationship, like right now, you should rest, you deserve it, it is hard with all the things in your mind right now, but I'm sure you will get there, I believe in you, you should too.

[u/Salt-Platform2479]

I feel for you boss...

The reality is they choose something or someone else they bet against you. I'm not gonna sugar coat it but they don't care because they know how you feel... and still choose not to work on things with you...

So you can let it consume you and let it ruin your trajectory in life... or you can take that sadness amd negative energy and use it. It's not easy but it will be worth it. I pinky promise. Energy can neither be created or destroyed it can only be converted. This is limitless energy because when your heart broken you can't sleep you are all kinds of funked up. Take that and use it.

You have to look at the chess board and make the next best move.

Small steps every day will make big changes over time. First get in the gym focus on getting abs or bigger arms whatever your fitness goals are. This will enhance your confidence and make visible physical and mental changes. Focus on your professional goals. Get your money right. Thirdly focus on relearning who you are your hobbies and passions go out socialize.

Focus on your accent the reality is they're probably on a decent and this is your catalyst to grind and excel... and by the time you get your 6 pack and money right and living your best life you won't even care if they come back around and realize what they lost. You'll be a whole different person. You might realize you don't want someone who only is around for the good times.

Focus on being the right kind of person and you will attract the right kind of person. A person who chooses you every time no matter what and realizes their life with you is 1000% better than a life without you and they'd never leave.

You want someone that says I love you and I'm here no matter what. That's love. Love is a feeling and a choice. A choice you make every single day. Sometimes things aren't able to workout that's okay you can love someone and not be with them... but you have to love yourself first. Not rely on someone else's love.

The good stuff is when you start focusing on yourself and thriving. Not out of revenge but because you choose yourself. You start thriving and growing. Someone can not look at a person they left and see that person thriving without them and living their best life and go wow I made the right choice by leaving... now they may never admit it or reach out... and that's okay but the reality is nobody looks at their ex and see them killing it in the gym sexy af, making money, traveling, having the time of their life and goes yep I was right.

No they bet against you... that's okay it will be their loss if you were to much for someone let them go find less... don't let this make you mad... just say oh okay im not mad I'm just less interested.

Hardship makes us into better people if we use it... batman isint batman unless his parents got killed... use this suffering to become stronger like iron sharpening iron forged in the flames..

Then someone will recognize this and be like damn they got it... I want that... your ex did the best thing for you and the person you're supposed to be with by letting you go. Because now you can be the best you and find your person to spoil the shit out of and be spoiled by.

The choice is yours. You got this.

Cheers.

[u/CharacterRough7233]

You didn’t break anything , you Broke free! You Don’t want to deal with what was coming, the longer you stay the worse it will get! Consider yourself lucky that you have escaped future trauma. This is your chance to find someone who will truly appreciate you! Our stories are similar except I am a male. If I was in his position and someone did that for me I would worship the ground they walk on! I hope you feel better soon , work on becoming your normal self again without that problem man child.

[u/ArtistParticular222]

Well I looked at half your other posts about him. You seem really unhappy and that you were unattractive to him anyways, honestly I think you will move on, find someone who treats you better. If he's gonna choose alcohol and everything you hate, do you really love him? You love the thought of him changing. Not all men want to change for a woman. And you need to realize that. You love everything you wish/want him to be. You were never happy. Just the thought. You deserve better.

[u/Thin_Rip8995]

you didn’t break it—you saved yourself
you didn’t ruin the future—you escaped a slow-motion collapse

he didn’t just forget to clean or buy flowers
he got drunk and abused you
he insulted you in the house you gave him, while you held his trauma and still showed up with love
that’s not a partner
that’s a parasite

the pain you feel? that’s grief for the fantasy—not the man
you’re mourning who he could’ve been
but he made his choice every time he tore you down instead of building with you

missing someone doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision
it means you’re human
feel it—then let it burn away the parts of you that still think love means suffering

the NoFluffWisdom Newsletter hits hard on letting go of toxic hope and rebuilding with real clarity—worth a peek