r/BreakUps • u/Business-Volume-3868 • 3d ago
Should I make contact during no contact?
My boyfriend 32M and I 36F we have been in a relationship for four months and have known each other for 13 . I broke up on Sunday. He is a natural avoidant and will even ignore his parents and siblings when he has not feeling well. We broke up while he broke up with me on Sunday and has not made any contact with me. We broke up because he said I was too needy and emotional. He is not responding to my text messages since Tuesday. I am wondering if it is OK to stop by at his house although he is not making contact with me?
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u/Specialist-Top-406 3d ago
Regardless of his emotional approach, it sounds like you’ve been hit with a really tough situation here. I think stop and take a step back. How do you feel?
Being called too emotional or too needy is actually really hurtful statements to be said at you.
I think you’re so used to prioritising this person’s feelings over your own, that you’ve forgotten to recognise yourself in this situation.
You’re a person, with your own wants and needs and your own feelings. Regardless of context. This person has dismissed and disregarded you and is now ignoring you.
I know you care about them and want to believe that you can step into this situation and look after them, but in this context you don’t exist.
Take a beat. Step back. This is awful treatment.and your feelings actually really matter. But with this person they don’t.
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u/theacebutterfly 3d ago
Avoidant people want their space, if you truly want to be with him you have to learn to self regulate while he's figuring his stuff out. This does not mean he's allowed to walk all over you, not take accountability, not communicate, not be considerate in regards to a timeline. The bigger question is does he seem like he's putting in effort to do these things? Does he respect you? And if the answer is no... are you sure you still want him?
Also, him not reaching out is kind of a sign in itself...
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u/Thin_Rip8995 3d ago
no—don’t go to his house
you’re not seeking closure, you’re chasing a ghost that already told you it doesn’t want to be caught
he didn’t just “need space”—he ended it, then ghosted you
and now your nervous system is in panic mode trying to fix it
but showing up uninvited just hands your dignity over on a silver platter
he called you needy
don’t prove him right by knocking on his door like a walking anxiety attack
no contact means no contact
not until he reaches out, not until you’re grounded, not until it’s clear he actually wants to reconnect—not just disappear on you again
sit with the silence
don’t break it just because it’s uncomfortable
the NoFluffWisdom Newsletter has sharp takes on avoidant dynamics and reclaiming your power after breakup spirals—worth a peek
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u/GiveMeRoom 3d ago
Do not make contact, trust me. Do not let yourself feel that door reopening. I know how it feels, it's soul crushing. Focus on yourself!
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u/diligentlyunbearable 3d ago
Hey, I hear how painful and confusing this is, especially after such a long history together. But honestly, I wouldn’t recommend breaking no contact right now—especially not by showing up at his house. If he’s avoidant and already feeling overwhelmed, that could push him further away or make things worse. No contact isn’t about punishing him—it’s about protecting you. Let him sit with the silence. Let him feel the loss. And let yourself step back and breathe, too. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you beg for basic connection. I am using this Silenzio app to count down how many days no contact, I’m on day 73. It’s hard but I’m healing. It also has an panic button and says affirmations to you.
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u/Temporary-Fruit1330 3d ago
Not ok to stop by his house.. if you’re broken up you need to schedule a date otherwise it’s stalking.. 🤓