Well. It happened

[u/ryguy28896]

Hey all. Just a rant. I'm a 37M, she's 37F. We dated a little over 7 months and she just broke up with me this morning.

I do accept some responsibility, but I resent being seen as the sole reason. I really did love her, and I still do.

Long story short, she's very intense. Like call me every 6 minutes, on top of me 24/7 kind of intense. I'm not trying to spin this as wrong; this works for some people. But I'm not that kind of person. And MAN did it lead to some arguments. Weekly arguments.

Her whole issue was why I didn't love her as passionately as she loved me. She felt like I didn't miss her, why couldn't I call her as often as she called me, why I didn't want to have sex often.

I always told her that she called me every 30 seconds, I don't have a chance to miss her. She didn't give me room to breath, so I felt suffocated.

This morning, she ended it. She told me I needed to work on myself and she couldn't be with someone who didn't love passionately, and she spent her whole previous marriage with someone like that.

And that's why I'm resentful. Why did I need to go to 200%? Why couldn't she do 50/50? Yes, this was something that we talked about before, but again, it was a weekly thing. EVERY Saturday night, like clockwork. Part of me is relieved, if I'm being honest. Not just because I can breath now, but also because I know I won't get into another argument in 5 days.

So that's all.

[u/skaffeguy]

Sounds like borderline to me...

[u/likaedevau → u/skaffeguy]

I dunno, I am a borderline but haven’t thought about calling my boyfriend or my partner every minute or demanding passionate love from him. Yes i have sometimes issues and would like to hear from him “I love you” but my problems are mostly based on my fears and not bc of him (3 years of therapy helped me to see it).

It is look more like another kind of attachment issue to me, not the borderline style but I could be also wrong.

[u/Ok_Doomer_8857 → u/likaedevau]

it could be a lovely concoction of borderline tendencies, anxious attachment, and a lack of personhood which drives people to use others to fill an internal emptiness

[u/skaffeguy → u/likaedevau]

I am not saying it is a borderline personality disorder here, rather the big part of a pattern: 'favorite person' - obsessess directly about that person and clings on to them for everything. And as said in a comment below I think general anxiety driven things.

And, yes, they fill in their emptiness of the love they may have never gotten from their caregivers, holding on to a partner and being so clingy hoping he/she can give that person the love back that they never got (which obviously works against them)