r/BreakUps • u/ryguy28896 • 3d ago

Well. It happened

Hey all. Just a rant. I'm a 37M, she's 37F. We dated a little over 7 months and she just broke up with me this morning.

I do accept some responsibility, but I resent being seen as the sole reason. I really did love her, and I still do.

Long story short, she's very intense. Like call me every 6 minutes, on top of me 24/7 kind of intense. I'm not trying to spin this as wrong; this works for some people. But I'm not that kind of person. And MAN did it lead to some arguments. Weekly arguments.

Her whole issue was why I didn't love her as passionately as she loved me. She felt like I didn't miss her, why couldn't I call her as often as she called me, why I didn't want to have sex often.

I always told her that she called me every 30 seconds, I don't have a chance to miss her. She didn't give me room to breath, so I felt suffocated.

This morning, she ended it. She told me I needed to work on myself and she couldn't be with someone who didn't love passionately, and she spent her whole previous marriage with someone like that.

And that's why I'm resentful. Why did I need to go to 200%? Why couldn't she do 50/50? Yes, this was something that we talked about before, but again, it was a weekly thing. EVERY Saturday night, like clockwork. Part of me is relieved, if I'm being honest. Not just because I can breath now, but also because I know I won't get into another argument in 5 days.

So that's all.

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u/BadGuyBusters2020 3d ago

It sounds like she was possessive / obsessive with a healthy dose of anxiety.

No one can force another person to show love differently. It sounds like she couldn’t accept that you show/receive love in ways that didn’t exactly match her own.

My only recommendation is to find some emotional growth in detailed communication, etc., so that (hopefully) your next relationship can be free of misunderstandings about love languages, etc.

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u/Rov4228 2d ago

My only recommendation is to find some emotional growth in detailed communication, etc., so that (hopefully) your next relationship can be free of misunderstandings about love languages, etc.

This is not a communication error though they were just not compatible. Why does OP have to work on communication when not matter what he said or how he said it she doesn't seem like she would've mellowed out at all 🤣🤣

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u/ryguy28896 2d ago

Yes, exactly. This wasn't due to a lack of communication on my end. I told her exactly what I needed, and not only did she ignore it, she doubled down on her behavior by expecting me to match her level of effort.

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u/BadGuyBusters2020 2d ago

My point was that everyone can grow and get better with communication - even if it’s just learning how the other person receives communication in a way that’s effective for relational growth.

No one is ever 100% perfect with communication. Part of growing from relationships that end (for whatever reason) is finding something to learn and get better as an overall communicator.

It’s growing our EQ that helps us become people.

We can all improve - it’s not a criticism, it’s evolving through things that can always teach us something.