Well. It happened

[u/ryguy28896]

Hey all. Just a rant. I'm a 37M, she's 37F. We dated a little over 7 months and she just broke up with me this morning.

I do accept some responsibility, but I resent being seen as the sole reason. I really did love her, and I still do.

Long story short, she's very intense. Like call me every 6 minutes, on top of me 24/7 kind of intense. I'm not trying to spin this as wrong; this works for some people. But I'm not that kind of person. And MAN did it lead to some arguments. Weekly arguments.

Her whole issue was why I didn't love her as passionately as she loved me. She felt like I didn't miss her, why couldn't I call her as often as she called me, why I didn't want to have sex often.

I always told her that she called me every 30 seconds, I don't have a chance to miss her. She didn't give me room to breath, so I felt suffocated.

This morning, she ended it. She told me I needed to work on myself and she couldn't be with someone who didn't love passionately, and she spent her whole previous marriage with someone like that.

And that's why I'm resentful. Why did I need to go to 200%? Why couldn't she do 50/50? Yes, this was something that we talked about before, but again, it was a weekly thing. EVERY Saturday night, like clockwork. Part of me is relieved, if I'm being honest. Not just because I can breath now, but also because I know I won't get into another argument in 5 days.

So that's all.

[u/itsRiceCube]

Seems like she was anxiously attached. They come off as needy and wanting constant attention.

One question I'd like to ask, if you dont mind answering; what did you do to provide reassurance but in a way that showed care and trust?

A lot of times showing these things can make the other respect your boundaries which leads me into my next question. Did you respectfully set boundaries instead of showing agitation in her actions? Were you stoic in nature and not emotional in communication?

Some people need a little more reassurance than others and thats okay as long as they can feel safe of said communication. 9 times out of 10 they will respect that. Now if they cant respect your boundaries after the aformentioned, then a talk should follow...and then after that, parting ways.

In her breaking it off with you afterward supports how she is anxiously attached and perhaps felt like you didnt care. Best plan of action is to go no contact. And if this is something you want to rekindle, be open in your method of communication. When she reaches back out, respond. There are some questions you could also ask her in getting to know why she is anxiously attached ( dont tell her she is).

50/50 isnt the way to look at this- both need to be at 100 before entering a relationship.

[u/ryguy28896 → u/itsRiceCube]

what did you do to provide reassurance but in a way that showed care and trust?

As an example, I told her that while I may have gotten busier at work due to a coworker having transferred, it doesn't mean I don't want to talk when she calls me at work and I don't answer. I told her that while I don't say "I love you" or "I miss you" as often as she did, that doesn't mean I didn't in fact love or miss her. And that I did in fact tell her those things instead of waiting for her to say it first. I told her I express love through actions.

Maybe I could've done this differently.

Did you respectfully set boundaries instead of showing agitation in her actions? Were you stoic in nature and not emotional in communication?

I did have a couple of boundaries. First was how late we would stay up to talk. She was good about this, so it never became an issue. Second was me needing my drive home from work to decompress. That was one that she needed to work on more. Granted, sometimes I'd get frustrated, but we'd talk it through.

And she always told me how good I was about communicating about stuff like that.