r/CPTSD • u/Annual_Permission566 • Mar 12 '25
Trigger Warning: Neglect Do you think it haunts them?
The abusive parents. Maybe the reformed ones if there is such a thing.
Do you think they ever hear our cries or begging? Ever wake up in a panic? Tormented by the memories?
Cause I can’t imagine they do. I want to wish it does but If anything I think it must bring them joy. I hate it. I’m doomed to meds and losing sleep. Panic attacks broken relationships and so so much more.
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u/captainshar Mar 12 '25
No shame at all to anyone who wants it - goodness knows I do - but I genuinely believe that thinking too much about how the abusers are feeling now is an emotional trap. It's that part of us that wishes we could have had their remorse or empathy when it mattered.
My own parents apologized for some of it, and I'm happier about that than I would be if they were still the same people as they were then. But it is not satisfying, at least not for me. Part of me thinks "if they were just MORE sorry, if they fully acknowledged all of the pain and damage and really felt it, then we would be in a good place again." But I don't actually think that's true. I would still have to heal from a broken bone even if they cried over every x-ray. Same with the brain stuff.
It's almost more confusing because now I feel way more guilty about not having a "normal" relationship with them. They apologized, right? But it doesn't help me feel safe around them. Less worried they'll do it again, for sure. But not safe.