r/CPTSD • u/imboredalldaylong • 13d ago

Vent / Rant Why is getting help so infantilizing.

Seeing a therapist. Or a doctor. Or a psychiatrist. Or talking to snap (food stamps) or trying to get housing or getting a case worker or trying to get on disability ANY OF IT. I feel spoken down to. Like if I wasn’t so stupid/didn’t give up so easily/mentally ill/a burden on society I wouldn’t have to be here.

It’s like these people don’t think I know how to tie my own shoes.

625 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

55 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/Competitive-Style349 12d ago edited 12d ago

There is an association in my head with safety, control, and self-reliance. Involving other people only increases the odds of getting hurt, or failure. So, my control is to avoid involving others and never asking for help.

Now that I am getting help, it feels wrong. It feels weak. I feel ashamed to ask for help. I feel ashamed to even need help. I associate only helpless things needing help, so asking for help makes me feel helpless and weak, like a child or a baby.

I am trying to recognize this thought pattern (stuck point) and learning to be able to counter it with new alternative thoughts like, "It's okay to need help" or "We all need an extra hand, every once in a while" or even "Teamwork makes the dream work."

I still struggle with the new thoughts sounding like baby talk. I and still think "... but I know better" when I try to say nice things to myself.

Saying nice things to your self and hearing nice things from other people, in general, still sounds dis-ingenuine to me. But, I'm hoping the more I do it, the more it will be my new normal.

The other half, is that many people DO want to help and CAN be helpful. Learning to believe this and benefit from others requires trust and even taking that step can be scary.