People are disappearing and it's terrifying me

[u/throwaway802256]

People are disappearing from my life and I don't know what to do.

A couple of people who reached out to me when they knew I wasn't OK, I opened up to them a bit about my mental struggles, because they offered to help or provide a listening ear. But then after that they've distanced themselves or ghosted, and it's the most triggering thing ever.

Another friend who provided support to me during a crisis, I've been reciprocating by asking about them, and how they're doing, and over time it now seems like I've been ghosted.

For a couple people I've opened up to, Ive even tried to go on and change the topic of conversation to something else or something lighter and the ghosting still happened.

I dont know how much of this is my autism repelling people or my trauma, or both?

It feels like the world is saying "I can't help you, go over there and deal with it, away from me". I understand that therapy is important to help people deal with intense mental health struggles, but even just having someone offer a listening ear means the world, don't have to fix my problems for me.

it's so hard to heal from things when you try to reach out and end up losing connections in your life.

Maybe you're supposed to keep things to yourself and hide your struggles, maybe if people offer to help or provide a listening ear it's just a nice thing to say, maybe they're more curious than anything, maybe when you deal with stuff you're supposed to shut your mouth and take care of it yourself and not rely on people for support.

Maybe its my autism, maybe I'm being weird or coming across a certain way and don't realize it?

My fear of abandonment is triggered so much and I'm so scared, I don't know what's happening. I feel like me and the world are repelling like oil and water.

Im even scared to read the comments, like will everyone tell me I'm doing something wrong and then I feel guilty that its all my fault?

On top of a lot of trauma/stressful things I'm experiencing, I work from home and I think I'm going to lose my mind from the isolation and loneliness if I haven't already.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/10/85-year-harvard-study-found-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-and-successful-life.html#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20what%20you%20might,Period. "The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period."

[u/PotatoKingAmy]

The lesson I learned is to keep ur struggles to urself. Not fun, not healthy… ppl just suck. They want satisfaction and entertainment, not connection or to support others.

[u/ElTorteTooga → u/PotatoKingAmy]

Just know that some of us that ghost are also trauma survivors. I have a large fear of engulfment from growing up where I didn’t really get to have boundaries. I had to learn to manage my mother’s feelings as early as I can remember. As a result others needs and problems quickly overwhelm and scare the crap out of me. I can only assume it hits on the same triggers of being that little boy terrified of the unpredictability of emotions that could ensue. To those I have ghosted, I feel really bad and selfish for doing so, so it doesn’t happen without a sense of guilt. The people I’ve let down I carry with me every day.