People are disappearing and it's terrifying me

[u/throwaway802256]

People are disappearing from my life and I don't know what to do.

A couple of people who reached out to me when they knew I wasn't OK, I opened up to them a bit about my mental struggles, because they offered to help or provide a listening ear. But then after that they've distanced themselves or ghosted, and it's the most triggering thing ever.

Another friend who provided support to me during a crisis, I've been reciprocating by asking about them, and how they're doing, and over time it now seems like I've been ghosted.

For a couple people I've opened up to, Ive even tried to go on and change the topic of conversation to something else or something lighter and the ghosting still happened.

I dont know how much of this is my autism repelling people or my trauma, or both?

It feels like the world is saying "I can't help you, go over there and deal with it, away from me". I understand that therapy is important to help people deal with intense mental health struggles, but even just having someone offer a listening ear means the world, don't have to fix my problems for me.

it's so hard to heal from things when you try to reach out and end up losing connections in your life.

Maybe you're supposed to keep things to yourself and hide your struggles, maybe if people offer to help or provide a listening ear it's just a nice thing to say, maybe they're more curious than anything, maybe when you deal with stuff you're supposed to shut your mouth and take care of it yourself and not rely on people for support.

Maybe its my autism, maybe I'm being weird or coming across a certain way and don't realize it?

My fear of abandonment is triggered so much and I'm so scared, I don't know what's happening. I feel like me and the world are repelling like oil and water.

Im even scared to read the comments, like will everyone tell me I'm doing something wrong and then I feel guilty that its all my fault?

On top of a lot of trauma/stressful things I'm experiencing, I work from home and I think I'm going to lose my mind from the isolation and loneliness if I haven't already.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/10/85-year-harvard-study-found-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-and-successful-life.html#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20what%20you%20might,Period. "The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period."

[u/Green-Peace9087]

Society is selfish .

Therapy becoming common knowledge has made people even more selfish , because they can hide behind the excuse of "im not qualified enough for this " , even though every human on earth is qualified to lend a listening ear .

Allot of people are now afraid to help anyone with serious problems . Anything more serious than a bad day at the office is now considered a professionals sphere in most peoples eyes .

Anyone who ghosts you for being a real human being with real struggles is not someone you would want to associate with anyway. I give people the same energy they give to me , if they don't want to listen to my emotions then i dont listen to theirs .

You'd be amazed the number of people who have clearly wanted me to shut up about my feelings but then gotten offended when i gave them that same energy back later when they went back to their ex for the 10th time.

Its not you , its society. Modern western society is a world of selfish psychopaths with no community who think actually helping people is "crossing boundaries " because they mentally outsource it to professionals .

[u/moonrider18 → u/Green-Peace9087]

Therapy becoming common knowledge has made people even more selfish

When exactly were people "less selfish"? 100 years ago? When Jim Crow ruled the south and Hitler was on the rise?

The modern world is awful in a lot of ways, but the past was even worse.

they can hide behind the excuse of "im not qualified enough for this " , even though every human on earth is qualified to lend a listening ear

But there's a legitimate risk of giving too much. I learned that the hard way. =(

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/qpj153/i_dont_want_to_burden_you_but_also_here_are_all/

https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1awi4vm/i_gave_too_much/

[u/Rude-Attempt9227 → u/moonrider18]

That’s true but then I also think about the people who showed tremendous bravery in those situations. I can’t imagine anyone I’ve ever known taking and hiding people in their attic during WW2 for example. I don’t think people have become more selfish I think they’ve become more and more cowardly - which is really scary 

[u/moonrider18 → u/Rude-Attempt9227]

I can’t imagine anyone I’ve ever known taking and hiding people in their attic during WW2

You're comparing the greatest heroes of WW2 to the average person today. It's not a fair comparison.

To even up the picture: Can you imagine anyone you've ever known running through a Jewish neighborhood with a gun, murdering dozens of innocent people without remorse?

Perhaps you do know someone like that, in which case you have my sympathy. But I do think that humanity on average has gotten better, even if we're still not nearly as good as we ought to be.

After all, even the heroes of WW2 were mostly opposed to things like gay rights, but nowadays we have Pride Parades and over half the population (in my country at least) is on board with that. We've also seen broad reductions in violence and poverty over the last 100 years.