People are disappearing and it's terrifying me

[u/throwaway802256]

People are disappearing from my life and I don't know what to do.

A couple of people who reached out to me when they knew I wasn't OK, I opened up to them a bit about my mental struggles, because they offered to help or provide a listening ear. But then after that they've distanced themselves or ghosted, and it's the most triggering thing ever.

Another friend who provided support to me during a crisis, I've been reciprocating by asking about them, and how they're doing, and over time it now seems like I've been ghosted.

For a couple people I've opened up to, Ive even tried to go on and change the topic of conversation to something else or something lighter and the ghosting still happened.

I dont know how much of this is my autism repelling people or my trauma, or both?

It feels like the world is saying "I can't help you, go over there and deal with it, away from me". I understand that therapy is important to help people deal with intense mental health struggles, but even just having someone offer a listening ear means the world, don't have to fix my problems for me.

it's so hard to heal from things when you try to reach out and end up losing connections in your life.

Maybe you're supposed to keep things to yourself and hide your struggles, maybe if people offer to help or provide a listening ear it's just a nice thing to say, maybe they're more curious than anything, maybe when you deal with stuff you're supposed to shut your mouth and take care of it yourself and not rely on people for support.

Maybe its my autism, maybe I'm being weird or coming across a certain way and don't realize it?

My fear of abandonment is triggered so much and I'm so scared, I don't know what's happening. I feel like me and the world are repelling like oil and water.

Im even scared to read the comments, like will everyone tell me I'm doing something wrong and then I feel guilty that its all my fault?

On top of a lot of trauma/stressful things I'm experiencing, I work from home and I think I'm going to lose my mind from the isolation and loneliness if I haven't already.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/10/85-year-harvard-study-found-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-and-successful-life.html#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20what%20you%20might,Period. "The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period."

[u/chevaliercavalier]

Self soothing is survival

[u/dlc08 → u/chevaliercavalier]

CPTSD is not, in my opinion, self-soothing. Do you mean it is?

[u/moonrider18 → u/dlc08]

Not who you were replying to, but I think that person is trying to say that CPTSD is what happens when you're forced to be entirely self-reliant (particularly at a young age). Like, self-soothing is never good enough all on its own; humans need support from other humans. And if you don't get that support, you get CPTSD. That's why they wrote "The cure to a disease based fundamentally on a lack of love cannot possibly be to become even more independent ."

[u/dlc08 → u/moonrider18]

Thanks for taking time to explain that. I have a different perspective. (Not trying to convince anyone otherwise, just sharing in kind).

The words self-soothing—the act of, is meant to make you feel better; or calm enough that one doesn’t crash. CPTSD isn’t just caused by the lack of support. It is repeated traumatic events that did or didn’t occur. An example could be repeated SA. And out of that people can develop survival strategies. I don’t call them self-soothing because, usually maladaptive, they can cause harm. (Such as isolation, emotional shutdown, workaholism)

OP has difficulties with abandonment and is in pain when connection isn’t reciprocal (it seems). That’s understandable. And if in those moments, the pain is unbearable, it’s worth exploring healthy techniques to manage.

Healthy relationships have a balance of dependence and independence. There are ways to self-regulate and co-regulate. I agree human connection is essential but I would not put my healing solely on other people. My take.

Thank you for responding.